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Thread: Handy Hints

  1. #1
    OMG! WTF? BBQ :) Lee's Avatar
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    Default Handy Hints

    DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

    CINEMA goers: Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts.

    RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by Actually speaking clearly in the first place.

    DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

    WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

    SOLDIERS: Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Truprint.

    MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

    BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90?, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.

    EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

    MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

    GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending ?50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

    BANGING: two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

    BLIND PEOPLE: Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

    ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

    DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

    PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

    CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

    DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

    MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

    JEREMY Beadle: When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.

    SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

    SINGLE men: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

    BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

    ALCOHOLICS: don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

    McDONALD'S: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.

    And the absolute belter for last

    WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a s**t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house afterwards.

  2. #2
    NW BOYS Club Member Riggy's Avatar
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    bastid and i cant give you more rep

  3. #3
    Senior User kevster's Avatar
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    i have given you some

  4. #4
    chippy shoulder Admin
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    good ole viz

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    Bzzzzz Admin Jack's Avatar
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    Repost, although I'm sure some of those are new additions since the last time

  6. #6
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    never seen this before

  7. #7
    Senior User Mike's Avatar
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    Fpmsl!!

  8. #8
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    last one is gold!

    how do you give rep? i think this deserves it.

  9. #9
    Bzzzzz Admin Jack's Avatar
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    What are Reputation Points?
    Reputation is a bit of fun for measuring how reliable, informative, knowledgeable, or just how downright nice a forum member is. A member's reputation score is represented by a series of blobs under the user's name.

    The greater the reputation, the more blobs the user will have. Every recent new user starts with 10 points, and after that its up to other members to add/subtract from your rep score!

    Positive reputation is displayed with green blobs:
    Negative reputation is displayed by red blobs:
    Neutral (i.e. zero) rep is shown by a grey blob:

    If the user has disabled rep, a white blob is displayed:


    How To Give Reputation Points
    To state your approval or disapproval of a post, you can allocate reputation points to that member for the post in question. To do this, look on the lower panel under their post for this icon:



    Click this to select the post for reputation points. You have the chance to give positive reputation (approve), or negative reputation (disapprove), plus a small box to add comments if required. Simply select the rep you require, type a comment if you wish, and click the button to submit. Thats it!



    Rep Levels
    Depending on how much rep a user has, they'll have a little popup text string that appears if you hover over their rep. These are as follows (ordered from lots of negative though to lots of positive, with scores):

    Negative
    1. [user] is infamous around these parts [<-50]
    2. [user] can only hope to improve [-10 - -50]
    3. [user] has a little shameless behaviour in the past [0- -10]

    Neutral
    1. [user] is off the scale [0]

    Positive
    1. [user] is an unknown quantity at this point [0-10]
    2. [user] is on a distinguished road [10-50]
    3. [user] will become famous soon enough [50-150]
    4. [user] has a spectacular aura about [150-250]
    5. [user] is a jewel in the rough [250-350]
    6. [user] is just really nice [350-450]
    7. [user] is a glorious beacon of light [450-550]
    8. [user] is a name known to all [550-650]
    9. [user] is a splendid one to behold [650-1000]
    10. [user] has much to be proud of. [1000-1500]
    11. [user] has a brilliant future [1500-2000]
    12. [user] has a reputation beyond repute [>2000]



    Rep Power
    A: When giving rep to a member, the system calculates how much your "vote" is worth on a number of factors, which include:
    Post Count
    More posts = more power. Less than 50 posts and you will be unable to affect the reputation of others.
    Date Registered
    The longer you've been on the forum, the more rep you allocate with each hit.
    Rep Level
    Yes, your own reputation level affects how much you can give to others. Negative or neutral rep means you cannot give or take rep to others.
    Negative/positive rep
    Negative rep is simply half your positive - so if you give out 20 points of +rep each time, your -rep power will be 10 points.
    Admin rep is worth +100/-50, and they have no restrictions on how many times they can rep one person. Mod rep is the same as club member rep.



    Disabling Rep
    To disable rep, and thus stop people from allocating you points, go to your General Settings - Login & Privacy and choose the "Hide Reputation" radio button.


    Who can rep
    New users (<50 posts) can give rep, but it won't count on someone's score.
    Forum users can only give out +rep.
    Club members can give +rep and -rep.
    Moderators are the same as club members
    Any user with a negative (red) or grey (nil) rep score can give rep, but it won't count on someone's score.
    Admin are exempt from rep rules.

    You can only rep 10 people in any 24 hour period, and you can't rep the same person again until you've 'spread the love' to 20 other people!



    Notes
    Q: I gave someone rep but it doesn't appear to have affected their rep score?!
    A: Each blob is roughly equivalent to 100 rep points - the amount you can give a user when you give them rep will probably be considerably less than 100, so don't worry that their score doesn't appear to have gone up.

    Q: I gave someone rep but it hasn't worked! Why not?
    Q: I only have the option to give people positive reputation - There's no option to allocate negative! Why?
    A: If you have a very low post count (<50), or negative/nil rep, the system won't let you affect the reputation of others. Forum users only have the option to give positive rep.

    Q: Someone gave me rep but it hasn't counted towards my score! Why?
    A: As above, its likely the person who allocated you rep has a negative or zero score themselves, or very low post count.

    Q: I have a bright green/red blob! Whats that all about?!
    A: Bright green or bright red blobs will be displayed when the user has reached over 550 positive, or 550 negative, points. The sixth blob in the row will be a bright colour.

    Q: I had rep given to me which I think was unfair! Can admin change it?
    A: Yes, they can; but no, they probably won't. The reputation system is designed for members to use amongst themselves, and its assumed everyone has a valid reason for giving rep.

    Q: I tried to add rep to someone but it says I have to "spread the love round" - what does this mean?
    A: It means you've given that member reputation points before recently. You have to give rep out to at least 20 other people before returning to member #1 again.

    Q: I can't give anybody any more rep, it says I have to wait 24 hours! Why?
    A: This is to avoid flooding the system with rep requests. You can only give rep to 10 people in a 24 hour rolling time period.

    Q: How do I find out how much rep I have?
    A: Two ways. Firstly, either go to your Settings page and it will tell you there. Otherwise, click the Rep button on any one of your posts and the forum will tell you how many reputation points you have received in total, as well as how many for that specific post.

  10. #10
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    Default

    yay!

    do i get minus points for having to ask?

    i gave you some positive for explaining :D

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