stanly mate, im really sorry about what has happened to rach, unfortunatly in life we are subjected to trials and tribulations that make you question your life, i lost my mum last year, i was 20, had a brother of 15 and a sister of 12. She past away a day after my brothers birthday and had been fighting cancer for three years, it shattered us all but life must go on, you got to get back to work mate and off the drugs, they may make you better at the time but they wont help you in the long run, youve got to be strong and make Rach proud, do you think it would make her feel good if she knew you where this down? everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. i wish you all the best in life mate a respect your courage for talking about it.