Church of TUNA now open.

[wisewood]

As I see many new faces in the church today I will make this weeks service an an introduction to our religion, which I hope will save confusion later on. It is in these times of global terrorism and imminent war that it is important for us maintain our belief and faith in the one true god TUNA.

TUNA is always there for you when you need him, happy to assist you in any way he can to make your mundane, insignificant, little life that little bit better. You need only pray to him, and send the occasional gift to reap the rewards of his support for you in whatever you choose to do, be it good or bad.

Unlike some other religions there is no god of good and god of evil in our belief system, we believe that TUNA is the one true god and as such looks over all things, be them good or evil.
This means that our god is unique in that if you wish to steal someones car, or have a nice picnic in the park and would like the blessing of TUNA for which ever act you choose to carry out, contact your Reverend and he does all the hard work of praying for you and if required will send you an approval or rejection note to show you are covered.

Most religion' tend to choose Sunday as their "Holy" day, however Fishism worships on a Wednesday, leaving you with the entire weekend to yourself, and putting a nice break in the middle of the week. Although our religion is little known at the moment, check with your employer to see if you are allowed to take Wednesday off on full pay due to religious beliefs. They may allow it, especially in these days of equal opportunities within the work place.

The Fishism Handbook is currently reaching the end of it's production status so if you would like a copy of this guide to Fishism, and all the beliefs and rules of the religion, please do not hesitate to send a message to your Reverend, who will be overjoyed at the prospect of yet more work I am sure...

If you would like to join this new and very exciting religion all you need do is send a message to your Reverend and add the http://www.soulafuzz.com/tuna.jpg image to your footer to show your membership.
That is all, you need send no money, goods, or other rewards to your Reverend unless you really want to.

Well, that will be all for today ladies and gentlemen.
Please remember to wipe your feet on the way out and please come back next week.

Reverend Wisewood

[Matt Finary]

I'm here for the service.

Matt :)

[Alex]

sounds good, but i hope you leave all the choir boys alone

[Matt Finary]

Wisewood has choirgirls not boys. :lol:

[Alex]

Choir girls!
Right ive joined. I have been converted

http://www.soulafuzz.com/tuna.jpg

[wisewood]

Alex - you have to put it in your footer.
Go into your profile and add it there :D

If not - you could forget to add it to a message and that owuld be very bad news indeed.

[Alex]

Please may the great fish in the sea forgive me.

[dave.gsi]

sign me up rev.


i have a confession to make on my first day of tunaism................please forgive me reverend, but tuna is minging lol :lol:

[wisewood]

dave - were you not paying attention in wisewood's wednesday school - it is FISHISM... not tunaism as you so elequently put it. :D

Do not worry that you do not like the tase of tuna my son - our one true god TUNA is not an actual TUNA - all of this will become clear in future teachings. :wisewood:

[Nova1.6]

couldnt be arsed to read your seamen at top of this post, hehe, serman even, but sign me up.

[Anonymous]

what do you call an open pot of tuna in a lesbians house ?

popori

[wisewood]

a joke for all occasions with you eh Ick mate. :D
lmao though - funny.

[Matt Finary]

Ick :lol: LMFAO

Matt :)

[dave.gsi]

fishism lol, please accept my appologies

[wisewood]

I will relay them to TUNA for you dave. :D

[Cara]

well i fink u shud av a confessions corner for all these sinners of the TUNA

[wisewood]

There is no sin within the Fishism religion simply because TUNA is watching over both good and evil... so nothing can be a sin in the eyes of TUNA.

Which is another reason why it is better than christianity or catholisism.

Pregnancy out of wedlock - no problem.
Killed 13, 000 donkeys yesterday just for a laugh... Fine!!!
Kicked the crap out of a christian priest today... who cares...

It is all ok by TUNA.
if you let the reverend know in advance, he will send you an official note to say that TUNA is ok with your actions (please allow up to 14 days)

[Cara]

i like dis religion:D

[wisewood]

cara i think there is something wrong with your user account as images and smilies are not showing up.

ignore this... Kev has fixed it.

[Cara]

awwww b0llo|<s :|

[Matt Finary]

I enjoy the service. but where do you stand on cow pushing?

Matt :)

[wisewood]

cow pushing... cow pushing is fine - why would cow pushing be seen as mroe or less terrible that slaughtering 13,000 donkeys? lmao.

[simon@novaheaven]

This is one coooool religion,

Consider me converted!!!

[Matt Finary]

Would it be okay to run over 15000 horse with a steam roller? I fcuking hate horses! and what about if I push 20000 cows over.

Matt :o

[wisewood]

I think pushing over 20000 cows may require 5 TUNAfaceslaps for being so determinned as to find that many cows - which is basically you push over 20000 cows and you have to slap yourself in the face 5 times - as hard as you like. :wink:

But the horses - that is fine. :D

Dont ask me - I don't make the rules.

[wisewood]

Kev has set me up a usergroup for the church. So anyone wishing to join the church can now do it officially by clicking the usergroups link at the top. Or follow this link and it will take you to the right place - then simply click Join.
http://www.novaload.net/forums/groupcp.php?g=720

[Matt Finary]

I love this religion, now where can i get a steam roller.

Matt :D

[Tilly]

just make sure hes watching over me. I do bad things now and again

[wisewood]

well now you are a member of this church, and a believer in this religion - there are technically no bad things - just things.

Everything is equally impressive in the eyes of TUNA.

or so it was written many hours ago...

[jon_boy]

this religion sounds great esp the whole wed not sunday thing. but how do i get a picture of our god to appear with me signature. im simple. :oops: lol, wots the tuna view on life after death then? Is it tuna heaven?

[Tilly]

Would u know my name if u saw me in TUNA-Heaven

[wisewood]

I have been told, in a dream from TUNA, that there is a sort of heaven and hell for TUNA worshippers - those who dedicate their lives to following hte ways of TUNA are rewarded slighlty more than others.

It is said that TUNA-Heaven - also known as Delerium is a peaceful place where your wildest imagination and fantasies are played out...

However, I will be honest - this is a very new religion and as yet no-one has died - and thus we have no way to find out through means of psychic's if said Delerium exists...

[Tilly]

I think Delerium could work

[Matt Finary]

When is our religious day of the year?

[wisewood]

There are several - thsoe are to be explained in next weeks "Wisewood's Wednesday School." along with various other things, like Fishism myth and legend.

:D
Be patient...

[Matt Finary]

I hope the rev note that i was first to the service this morning

[Matt Finary]

I hope the rev noted that i was first to the service this morning 8)

[wisewood]

I did notice - but is there an echo in here or is it just me?

[Alex]

i hope he also noticed that i was the first to convert.

What a sheep i am

[Matt Finary]

Very Funny! :lol:

Matt :)

[Tilly]

Well done to u 2 then

[simon@novaheaven]

What are the TUNAs view on marriage.

Can you ask the TUNA to make all mingers cover up completly and make all the fine totty walk wearing bare minimum??

Thanx Rev

Simon

[wisewood]

TUNA view of marriage is quite simple - you do what you like. If you want to get married - by all means do so - but make sure you give the Reverend plenty of warning to sort out the paper work to make usre it is actually legal when it is done.

As for making mingers cover up and "fine totty" walk around in the bare minimum of clothing - he is TUNA, the one true god - he is every where and in everything - he knows all. However, he cannot change the fabric of society at the request of just one man - mainly because it woul dnot be fair on the poor minging girls in the summer who would be very warm - and the poor "fine totty" in the winter would be very cold, possibly dying of exposure to the elements - leaving nothing but mingers - is that what you really want Simon?

:D

[simon@novaheaven]

OK firstly, if the mingers sweated it out over summer they would be good looking for the next summer and by bare minimum i meant to cover the relevent weather conditions. If its Cold out i wouldnt want em all freezing do i!!

Hope this Clarifies my points!

Simon

[wisewood]

but what you are forgetting is that not all "mingers" are labelled this because they are over weight - itcould be they have a hideous face... :)

As for the women weraing appropriate clothing for weather conditions - this is a much better point, but still would be very difficult for TUNA - a god who is so far not known of outside the bounds of this web server - to change the clothing standards of our society. :D
Even fashion designers struggle half the time. :D

[jon_boy]

you say TUNA cannot change the fabric of society at the request of one man. How about two men cos that sounds like a pucka idea once all the ideas over the finer points are sorted! :lol:

[wisewood]

LMFAO - the sheer desperation of some people astounds me.

You should devote you life to TUNA as I have, your longing for sex and looking at ladies bottoms, front bottoms and chest buttocks goes away.
(believe that you believe anything)

[simon@novaheaven]

(believe that you believe anything)

lmao. Most males needs a daily dose of female eye candy.


I do believe there is a perfectly good way of choosing who mings and who doesnt.

These are channelled though the websites

www.ratemyboobies.com
www.hotornot.com
www.ratemythong.com

[wisewood]

Most males needs a daily dose of female eye candy.


Obviously with the occasional exceptions...

[Tilly]

Men :twisted:

[wisewood]

No - not men - women - are you not paying attention Tilly. :D

[Tilly]

I am but you all the same women and women and more women

[wisewood]

No tilly - we are all men... all of us... :D:D:D

[Tilly]

Shut up dont confuse the issue
Men = most are the same 25%= gay 25%= normal
50% = women mad

[simon@novaheaven]

Some people just dont listen. :roll:

[simon@novaheaven]

Some people just dont listen. :roll:

[wisewood]

I must say I fall into the category of 25%=Normal

[simon@novaheaven]

im in the 25%normal one too, im very picky bout girls!!

[wisewood]

I am the same - a little too choosy sometimes - although I highly doubt anyone who uses this site will believe me :D

[jon_boy]

lol its all good. end of the day im still young may as well enjoy life eh?!
but were not all the same. and its ten percent of men that are gay statistically. so my psychology teacher said

[wisewood]

well i am still only 22 - (only, i hear some of you cry) - I feel like i am about 50 though - body all nackered out and brain totally fried.

Still - I got my looks - oh no hang on... no i haven't...
SHIT!!!

[dave.gsi]

know the feeling rev, i'm 20 and feel 200, although looks are still there 8) :lol:

any chance of tuna sorting this eternal youth thing?????

[Alex]

Reverend, do we have to go round knocking on peoples houses and preach about how everyone apart from followers of TUNA are wrong. Please enlighten me.

[wisewood]

The eternal youth thing is a problem for the scientists to sort out I think ...

and Alex, no, you don't have to go knocking on everyones door - everyone is entitled to their opinion, we can just sit abck all smug nkowing that we are right and they are wrong. :D

[Alex]

damn i had already got half way up my street :)

[wisewood]

well if you really want to - you can but should you get arrested and institutionalised - the Church will deny all knowledge. :D

[Tilly]

im gonna persuaed my mates lol

[wisewood]

if you persuade your mates - they must register with the church the same as everyone else... they will have to sign up for novaload to do so though. :D

[jon_boy]

dont worry rev your not old your just gracefull and full of knowledge. like the old wisemen. hence ur getting confused. i think we should knock on doors u know! and i asked my skool for wednesdays off for religious reasons. they said NO! how dare they. they laughed a bit wen i said wot religion as well.......... hows it going with th car stickers then? any news?

[wisewood]

no word on stickers yet - will find out soon enough though - don't worry about that.

[ade]

does TUNA stand for anything?

Trust
Unto
Nice
Arses

:D

Think
Underwear
Note
Arrisal

:D

Take
Uer
Nova
About!

:wink:

Turn
Unto
Nautical
Asphixiation

:o

Touching
Uranus
Not
Allowed

:x


Think
Unalchoholic
Not
Alchoholic

na

Take
Uer
Nan-to
Aldershot!

Tortured
Uberwinkle
Notes
Accessories

amazing what red wine makes you do!

:|
:D

[wisewood]

and after all that mate - no TUNA is not an acronym.

TUNA is simple the easiest way to pronounce the actual name of our god, from the languages and vocal syntax' at our disposal :D

[dangermousegsi]

if u want the day off for religious reasons then if u sign up enuff members then it is officially recognised they did it with jedi

is there a dark side to tuna?

one other thing,is there a holy site or relic to make a pilgrimage to?

p.s my sis has left 4 uni today could u bless her house for her rev?(on my behalf)

[ade]

lol!

I'm a member of the jedi religon!

There is a dark side to TUNA - the underside if u look up from under water!

ade

[wisewood]

TUNA does have a dark side - he is like the christian GOD and DEVIL in one... controlling all that is good and evil in one go...

and dangermouse mate - I would need to go round to the house to bless it mate - but yes i could do it... (really am a reverend you see), but do you really want me that close to your sister??? :D

[dangermousegsi]

i dunno she is signed up 4 novaload so it would be a strictly religious visit i trust, in order to convert her to the way of the tuna :?:

an no im not gonna tell u her user-name u can wrk it out urself

[wisewood]

Oh yes - strictly "religious" - just to convert her to the way of TUNA. Point her in the right direction so to speak.

[dangermousegsi]

an which point would u want her directed to i wonder :roll: :?:

honestly i would have thought that all girl choir was enuff but obviously not

[wisewood]

Actually mate I never said there was an all girl choir... :D
If you notice i never said anything about it... someone else voulenteered that information. There are two female members - tilly and cara... but I am unsure of their singing talent one way or the other as yet.

[dangermousegsi]

my mistake rev :oops:

as for tilly/cara's singing abilitys do we even have a hymn book for them to sing from?

[wisewood]

I have a few songs which are "special" but unless you know the melody they don't really work - you have to know that as well as the lyrics - i will try and get them online sometime for you all :D very funny.

[Tilly]

ummmm only songs i can sing are disney ones or Abba cause they my fav

[jon_boy]

LOL. but disney one's are the best!

[Tilly]

:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
1 Little Mermaid
2 Beauty and the Beast


I also love Olver and Annie so i know most of the words to them aswell

[wisewood]

under da sea, under da sea... :D

The seaweed is always greener in somebody elses lake.
you dream about going up there - but that is a big mistake

What have they got? a lot of sand...
we got a hot crustacean band...

etc etc...
I could continue but just realised how sad i am. LMFAO

[Tilly]

LOL well done you know it
Maybe we can do a duo at church fishism it goes cause its about the sea :roll:

[wisewood]

lol

look at this stuff, isn't it neat, wouldn't you say my collections complete, wouldn't you say i'm the (girl) the girl who has everything....

I've jot gadgets and gizmo's a plenty, I've got oozits and wotsits gallore... you want thingymabobs, I've got twnety...
But who cares, no big deal... I WANT MORE.....

I wanna go where the people go....

again... etc etc.
Not very manly to admit - but the little mermaid is a good film. :D

**wisewood shows his soft pink underbelly and awaits the jackals to tear it to pieces** lmfao.

[jon_boy]

and that bit where the mermaid and the fella are under the trees in the boat and the carb sings the kiss the girls song. lol :oops:

[jon_boy]

not carb i meant crab! webbers on my mind!

[wisewood]

sebastian mate - the crab is called sebastian

[jon_boy]

He's mr twin webber 45 in mine. oooh my its been a long day at the scrappy. ya see i had a day off and thought "Ah, lets do summin with the carbs on me 1.2" well.........

[jon_boy]

ah yeah thats it! whoooa wa, shalla la la lala da da da, summin summin, gotta kiss de girl..... class tune!

[Tilly]

There he sees her sitting there across the waves
she dont have a lot to say but theres something about her

[wisewood]

Best bit has to be where the chef is chasing sebastian round the kitchen to cook him... singing at first then just screaming and shouting and throwing knives...

damn my knowledge of this childrens/womans film astounds me.

[Tilly]

u KNOW U WANNA KISS THE GIRL

[wisewood]

yeah - bt there's always two big eels hanging around to spoil it. :(

:D

[Tilly]

And a big wicked witch

[wisewood]

... this ones longing to be thinner, this one wants to get the girl - and i help them... yes i do...

lmao @ fatty girl ursula.

[Tilly]

Ursula is minging aswell but it dont matter if someone big but have a nice face

[wisewood]

it matters if they have eight big black tentacles instead of legs thoguh - don't think i could overlook that if she had a glowing personality.

[jon_boy]

LOL sounds like one of my ex's... oh that horrible drunken night :?

[Tilly]

Oh dear oh dear didnt want to do that did ya

[Fester]

I'm sorry but I wont be buying in to this religion because I am a member of the (older) Tuba religion

parp

[Tilly]

Dont then your loss

[Alex]

Reverend, i dont think i can make the service tomorrow as i have started back at uni. I will be able to in future weeks though. I hope TUNA will forgive me :D

[wisewood]

I will email it to you my son...

Your Reverend is always happy to help in any way he can - and this one really should not be missed. :D

[Tilly]

I cant be there either but my thoughts are with him

[jon_boy]

Im first to church today Rev! Do i get a prize?

[wisewood]

i am afraid not... you see you should be in Wisewood's wednesday school :D