Lee
09-06-08, 08:26 PM
Ive seen the breakdown thread, and TBH, none of you feckers know your born.
Trouble started at Chorley services on the M6 when, after nicely pootling along in a Banzaiunderqueer convoy (which doesnt happen often :)), just after waving christian off who decided to go via Oxford due to him living in Swindon, Jenny (Chris's madam) decides she needs to squeeze a drop.
Fail clock. 6.30 PM
Everyones back in the cars, both the diesels fire up, but the fronty decides it no longer wants to be a tow car and starts firing on 1 cylinder (two if I was lucky). Finally its firing on none and just turning over.
Dizzy cap off. Rotor arm found to be covered in crapness. Result, we'll be away again soon!
No
Ok, so check the coil lead. Dar pulls it off and it disintegrates in his hand. Surely this must be why we have no action. Dar expertly butchers one of me plug leads from the nova to link the coil back up with the dizzy. Check for spark at plugs. Yes, we have spark, but still no va-va-voom.
Ok, so we have spark, do we have fuel? Press the nipple of death on the very hot injection rail right above the inlet lol. The dribble that arrived was dissappointing to say the least. SO, problem found, no fuel.
So we have two possibilities. Electronic Fail, or Pump Fail. We check all fuses, the relays are clicking nicely, so must be the pump.
Transit Deja Vue starts to set in
Not to worry. Ill just steal the pump off the nove. Easy peasy.
NO. Internal pump, wedged right up on top of the tank behind the rear diff, out of reach, and no access panel. At this point, we realise we are beaten, and I wonder to myself if I would sacrifice any of my machismo if I had a little cry.
But not to worry. Dar has an AA card, and Im good at being Gay, so I can pretend to be him :) We make the phone call, and an AA man is pulling up LITERALLY just as we end the call.
IMPRESSIVE!
AA man is impressed with the bodges we have amassed up to this point, and agrees the pump is fubarred, but theres still hope as he offers to beat the sh1t out of the tank with an Ernie style hammer to try to coax it into action.
Nothing.
Final proof is attained that its the pump when the car is started on Eazystart but again fails to kick the old girl into action.
It was at this point I regretted buying a Frontera. Please see the end of the thread for when I changed my mind back :)
Anyway, unfortunately, this is when the REAL trouble starts
Fail clock: 9.00PM
Unfortunately, Dar doesnt have relay, only Roadside. It will cost him £170 to upgade to get me home. I agree to pay him back for the upgrade, as by this point, I am getting tired and want my bed. Also, Dar and Chris needed to get a move on to get home at a reasonable hour. I Aquire Dars credit card for ID, his AA card and his Phone. I become the home office's worst nightmare as I sit in the car reciting his postcode and date of birth in his head, and practice my gloucester accent lol
Chris and Dar leave us, after much back slapping and thankyous from myself (i am endebted to you again mate, id still be there if it werent for you, and Chris for the stirling fault finding efforts)
I am expecting the lorry at half past 11. Not too bad considering, so Hay and me settle in for a snooze while we wait.
Fail clock 11.45pm
Phone call. Some dappy bloke tells me the lorry I was expecting isnt coming, and instead another lorry wll be with me by midnight for the car, and another by 12.20 for the trailer.
I tell him there is no way on earth im leaving the car on its own for 20 minutes. I then ask why the truck that is towing the trailer cant take the Fronty as well. I forget his response, but it wasnt convincing!
Fail clock 1.00am
Phone rings again. Its a driver telling me he will be there in half an hour to pick up the fronty and the trailer. I tell him I was told different. He tells me he's not surprised!
Fail clock 1.30am
Driver arrives, loads Fronty, hitches up trailer, and we're finally away. The guy was a legend (as were MOST of the forthcoming drivers in this tale) but informs me that he's not got enough hours left to make Yate, and then get back to where he needs to end his shift. The furthest he can take us is Chievely services (J13 M4) and then drop us off for another guy to take up the recovery.
NOW i know why its called RELAY lol
Fail Clock 3.30am
We pull into Chievely services, just in time to see another AA truck pulling out of the truck park in front of us. Our guy flashes every light he had in his ****nal at him, but the other guy is blatantly making a break for it and roars off into the distance.
Our guy makes a phone call and finds out that guy was going to BRISTOL but apparenty, doesnt have enough driving time left either. Our driver, on the other hand, thinks he's a lazy fecker!
Phone call. Next lorry wont be with us for 1 3/4 hours.
Fail clock 4.45am ... now getting light
This one actually turns up on time. As he's loading up the Fronty, he tells me running dangerously low on driving hours. (more deja vous) but he's confident were going to make it to Yate ok.
Once on the move, myself and Hayles pass out.
Fail Clock 6.00am
Open our eyes, and we're pulling into another services. More to the point, a services I dont recognise as being an M4 services.
Alarm bells ringing.
Apparently, according to Driver number 2, he didnt have time to drive into yate to drop us, and then get back out onto the motorway in time to make it within his measly driving hours. He's dropped us at FECKING Gordano FECKING services on the M FECKING 5 ! About half an hour PAST our final destination.
Much anger building up. Tight chest, stress, more anger, but for some reason, dont go completely mental or have massive heart failiure.
Phone call. Next truck.......
Fail clock 7.30 Am
Man turns up in smaller yellow lorry this time, which was going to make a nice change from the yellow ones.
He looks at the car, then the trailer, and then tells me he cant take us because he would be over weight. Clever AA. Ive only been under their wing for what felt like a week so far!
At this point I am indifferent to the stupidity of the AA because I had been up since 7am sunday morning, and it was now over the 24 hour mark of next to no zeds. I ask him when the next truck will arrive, so he makes a call, but informs me it will take ages for the call to make it through the system.
I climb back into the car, only to see another AA truck (one of the big ones) loading up a poxy Renault Scenic.
More alarm bells.
AA man number 4 pops over to ask whats up. I explain the stupidity of the situation, but he informs me he's one of these AA men whos not allowed to tow anything. Hes one of the useless ones.
Fail clock 9.30 ish am (sorry, getting a bit blurry by now)
AA man Number 5 arrives, and luckily, he's actually got enough hours to get us home AAAANNNDDD he's allowed to tow.
I put it down to lucky fluke.
Fail Clock 10.30 am
Arrive at Barn.
Id like to add that all the AA men were top lads (apart from Number 2 who relayed us AWAY from our final destination) lol. ANd all of them shared my pain, and were very surprised I wasnt attempting to rip their heads off and poo in their necks.
But when all is said and done, the fronty broke.
Took me 2 hours to drop the tank, remove the internal pump and replace with a piece of pipe, and then splice an external pump onto the line. Jumped in and drove it home to Newbury.
So that was when i stopped regretting I bought the Frontera :)
Trouble started at Chorley services on the M6 when, after nicely pootling along in a Banzaiunderqueer convoy (which doesnt happen often :)), just after waving christian off who decided to go via Oxford due to him living in Swindon, Jenny (Chris's madam) decides she needs to squeeze a drop.
Fail clock. 6.30 PM
Everyones back in the cars, both the diesels fire up, but the fronty decides it no longer wants to be a tow car and starts firing on 1 cylinder (two if I was lucky). Finally its firing on none and just turning over.
Dizzy cap off. Rotor arm found to be covered in crapness. Result, we'll be away again soon!
No
Ok, so check the coil lead. Dar pulls it off and it disintegrates in his hand. Surely this must be why we have no action. Dar expertly butchers one of me plug leads from the nova to link the coil back up with the dizzy. Check for spark at plugs. Yes, we have spark, but still no va-va-voom.
Ok, so we have spark, do we have fuel? Press the nipple of death on the very hot injection rail right above the inlet lol. The dribble that arrived was dissappointing to say the least. SO, problem found, no fuel.
So we have two possibilities. Electronic Fail, or Pump Fail. We check all fuses, the relays are clicking nicely, so must be the pump.
Transit Deja Vue starts to set in
Not to worry. Ill just steal the pump off the nove. Easy peasy.
NO. Internal pump, wedged right up on top of the tank behind the rear diff, out of reach, and no access panel. At this point, we realise we are beaten, and I wonder to myself if I would sacrifice any of my machismo if I had a little cry.
But not to worry. Dar has an AA card, and Im good at being Gay, so I can pretend to be him :) We make the phone call, and an AA man is pulling up LITERALLY just as we end the call.
IMPRESSIVE!
AA man is impressed with the bodges we have amassed up to this point, and agrees the pump is fubarred, but theres still hope as he offers to beat the sh1t out of the tank with an Ernie style hammer to try to coax it into action.
Nothing.
Final proof is attained that its the pump when the car is started on Eazystart but again fails to kick the old girl into action.
It was at this point I regretted buying a Frontera. Please see the end of the thread for when I changed my mind back :)
Anyway, unfortunately, this is when the REAL trouble starts
Fail clock: 9.00PM
Unfortunately, Dar doesnt have relay, only Roadside. It will cost him £170 to upgade to get me home. I agree to pay him back for the upgrade, as by this point, I am getting tired and want my bed. Also, Dar and Chris needed to get a move on to get home at a reasonable hour. I Aquire Dars credit card for ID, his AA card and his Phone. I become the home office's worst nightmare as I sit in the car reciting his postcode and date of birth in his head, and practice my gloucester accent lol
Chris and Dar leave us, after much back slapping and thankyous from myself (i am endebted to you again mate, id still be there if it werent for you, and Chris for the stirling fault finding efforts)
I am expecting the lorry at half past 11. Not too bad considering, so Hay and me settle in for a snooze while we wait.
Fail clock 11.45pm
Phone call. Some dappy bloke tells me the lorry I was expecting isnt coming, and instead another lorry wll be with me by midnight for the car, and another by 12.20 for the trailer.
I tell him there is no way on earth im leaving the car on its own for 20 minutes. I then ask why the truck that is towing the trailer cant take the Fronty as well. I forget his response, but it wasnt convincing!
Fail clock 1.00am
Phone rings again. Its a driver telling me he will be there in half an hour to pick up the fronty and the trailer. I tell him I was told different. He tells me he's not surprised!
Fail clock 1.30am
Driver arrives, loads Fronty, hitches up trailer, and we're finally away. The guy was a legend (as were MOST of the forthcoming drivers in this tale) but informs me that he's not got enough hours left to make Yate, and then get back to where he needs to end his shift. The furthest he can take us is Chievely services (J13 M4) and then drop us off for another guy to take up the recovery.
NOW i know why its called RELAY lol
Fail Clock 3.30am
We pull into Chievely services, just in time to see another AA truck pulling out of the truck park in front of us. Our guy flashes every light he had in his ****nal at him, but the other guy is blatantly making a break for it and roars off into the distance.
Our guy makes a phone call and finds out that guy was going to BRISTOL but apparenty, doesnt have enough driving time left either. Our driver, on the other hand, thinks he's a lazy fecker!
Phone call. Next lorry wont be with us for 1 3/4 hours.
Fail clock 4.45am ... now getting light
This one actually turns up on time. As he's loading up the Fronty, he tells me running dangerously low on driving hours. (more deja vous) but he's confident were going to make it to Yate ok.
Once on the move, myself and Hayles pass out.
Fail Clock 6.00am
Open our eyes, and we're pulling into another services. More to the point, a services I dont recognise as being an M4 services.
Alarm bells ringing.
Apparently, according to Driver number 2, he didnt have time to drive into yate to drop us, and then get back out onto the motorway in time to make it within his measly driving hours. He's dropped us at FECKING Gordano FECKING services on the M FECKING 5 ! About half an hour PAST our final destination.
Much anger building up. Tight chest, stress, more anger, but for some reason, dont go completely mental or have massive heart failiure.
Phone call. Next truck.......
Fail clock 7.30 Am
Man turns up in smaller yellow lorry this time, which was going to make a nice change from the yellow ones.
He looks at the car, then the trailer, and then tells me he cant take us because he would be over weight. Clever AA. Ive only been under their wing for what felt like a week so far!
At this point I am indifferent to the stupidity of the AA because I had been up since 7am sunday morning, and it was now over the 24 hour mark of next to no zeds. I ask him when the next truck will arrive, so he makes a call, but informs me it will take ages for the call to make it through the system.
I climb back into the car, only to see another AA truck (one of the big ones) loading up a poxy Renault Scenic.
More alarm bells.
AA man number 4 pops over to ask whats up. I explain the stupidity of the situation, but he informs me he's one of these AA men whos not allowed to tow anything. Hes one of the useless ones.
Fail clock 9.30 ish am (sorry, getting a bit blurry by now)
AA man Number 5 arrives, and luckily, he's actually got enough hours to get us home AAAANNNDDD he's allowed to tow.
I put it down to lucky fluke.
Fail Clock 10.30 am
Arrive at Barn.
Id like to add that all the AA men were top lads (apart from Number 2 who relayed us AWAY from our final destination) lol. ANd all of them shared my pain, and were very surprised I wasnt attempting to rip their heads off and poo in their necks.
But when all is said and done, the fronty broke.
Took me 2 hours to drop the tank, remove the internal pump and replace with a piece of pipe, and then splice an external pump onto the line. Jumped in and drove it home to Newbury.
So that was when i stopped regretting I bought the Frontera :)