View Full Version : Oh Really ???!
BigStan
29-05-07, 08:06 PM
Apparently you are most relaxed when urinating !
I thought it would have been when you was asleep but not ! lol
What's the (reliable) source of this interesting fact?
http://www.orlyowl.com/orly.jpg
BigStan
29-05-07, 08:10 PM
Someone i know. lol
Damnit BT beat me to it lol
http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/4636/owlorry6oe.jpg
I find it more relaxing having a poo :D
I find it more relaxing having a poo :D
Feck no! Having a poo is uber stressfull compared to a wee wee. Especially if its one of those sharp ones lol
lol thats so wrong but so right lol
Feck no! Having a poo is uber stressfull compared to a wee wee. Especially if its one of those sharp ones lol
You have got no idea how loud i just burst out laughing lol lol yeah those sharp ones hurt like a mofo (a mofo in your bum bum??) but how can you get relaxed standing up? Tbh, when i go for a pee, 9/10 times i sit down :D lol
Do you know why poo is tapered?
Its to stop your asrehole shutting with a bang lol
BigStan
29-05-07, 09:51 PM
You lazy sh1t ! lol
Do you know why poo is tapered?
Its to stop your asrehole shutting with a bang lol
PMSL lol lol lol Damn i need to stop smoking lol i cant laught no more hahahaa
You lazy sh1t ! lol
ive had a few of those during the break in Hollyoaks on a Sunday morning too :thumb:
You also probably know what Captain Kirk and Toilet Paper have in common then.
They both go around Uranus wiping out the Klingons.
You also probably know what Captain Kirk and Toilet Paper have in common then.
They both go around Uranus wiping out the Klingons.
LMAO! lol Enough of the Poo jokes lol people will think we're sicko's lol
Ghost Poo:
You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in the
toilet. Where is it?
Teflon Poo:
So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the
toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.
Goo Poo:
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and you
still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your
underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the
toilet.
Second Thoughts Poo:
You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise...
there's more to come.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo:
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out
until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.
Weight Watchers Poo:
You poo so much you lose several pounds.
Right Now Poo:
You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to
get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get your
pants down.
King Kong Poo:
This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you
break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well.
This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house.
Cork Poo:
Also known as "floaters." Even after the third flush it's still there,
floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?
Wet Cheeks Poo:
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the
launching of the QE2, soaking your starfish.
Wish Poo:
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.
Cement Block Poo:
You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed.
Snake Poo:
This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least
three feet long.
Morning After Poo:
Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't
smell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house
(normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside
to use the bathroom.
Mexican Food Poo:
Also called "screamers." You know it's safe to eat again when your bum
stops burning.
Boo Hoo Poo:
Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the
stitches or go for the fuller figure.
^ In tears here lol lol lol
soaking your starfish. lol lol lol
Boo Hoo Poo:
Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the
stitches or go for the fuller figure.
Had one of those, it felt like I was passing one of these
http://www.weaponsemporium.com/WE-Morning-Star.jpg
I was sweating and had to get the wife to go and fetch me some water and pain killers!
How to POO at work
Weve all been there but dont like to admit it. Weve all
kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something
brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves
otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For those who hate
pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking
a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but
doesnt know where it came from. Be careful when you do
this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in
and check for other pooers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to
become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if
they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do
not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are
standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did
not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable
for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel
uneasy.
JAILBREAK
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a
hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in
the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the
water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught
doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As
with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always
look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer
before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency
pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to
monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and
identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly
of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer
of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking
a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the
Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very
effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove
all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire
, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in
peace.
WATERMELON
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in
the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using
Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax
while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when
the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the
other bathroom attendees.
Poo's score very highly on my Relax-o-meter
http://www.libratherm.co.in/pcat-gifs/products-small/DTC-300NEW.jpg
Reminds me of when i worked at Egg.com lol
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER = Bill
A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always
look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer
before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) = Me, Bill & Wheatwood
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency
pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to
monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and
identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS = 5th Floor South of the Egg building :thumb:
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly
of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer
of your sex entering the bathroom.
Kinky Monza
29-05-07, 10:21 PM
Quality!
We have one toilet at work, so now it has to be disabled friendly. Those rails come in so handy for the
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo:
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out
until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.
variety of turd. That I'm thinking about installing them in the house.
Poo's are where its at, there no doubt about it! And theres definetly no substition for a nice, relaxed Sunday morning poo during the commercial break in Hollyoaks :thumb:
NovaLad
29-05-07, 11:12 PM
Are you obsessed with hollyoaks??
Got a mate who is in it sometimes as a extra, and know a gal thats in it with blonde hair can't remember her name in it lol
Are you obsessed with hollyoaks??
Got a mate who is in it sometimes as a extra, and know a gal thats in it with blonde hair can't remember her name in it lol
Obsessed? Not really, its pretty sh1te lol
NovaLad
29-05-07, 11:17 PM
Lot's of hott lasses in it though ;)
Yes, but they're all mouthy charvs
Lot's of hott lasses in it though ;)
Err dunno, there all way to young for me. Ive been to chester, i didnt even get out the car after a 1 and half hour drive it was that bad a place
NovaLad
29-05-07, 11:20 PM
Yes, but they're all mouthy charvs
Buy a gag lol
Buy a gag lol
Perverted little boy! :wtf:
I find head butting them first works a treat tbh lol
Kinky Monza
29-05-07, 11:22 PM
Rahypnol (sp)???? lol
Beheading would be my choice
Rahypnol (sp)???? lol
LMAO lol thats a bit extreme now lol
meh, let your mate go 'up front' while you bang her ass ;)
Kinky Monza
29-05-07, 11:37 PM
LMAO lol thats a bit extreme now lol
Not considering how much a females voice can go through me! :thumb:
Not considering how much a females voice can go through me! :thumb:
ahem
Kinky Monza
29-05-07, 11:40 PM
ahem
What??? you big hunk of man love???
BigStan
30-05-07, 08:59 AM
I didnt expect this thread to turn out like this, was more supposed to be a 'wierd things to know' thread, but hey this is Novaload ! lol
And yes Hollyoaks is well cool, they would all get it, even their mums ! lol lol
cant beat sitting on the toilet msming with people who are blissfully unaware that a bog monster is passing through your barking spider :D
PMSL @ this thread ,
but what i want to know is why when your having a poo and concentrating on not doin any of the points the BT mentioned , why will someone ring you and its always a important phone call aswell lol
i believe the most relaxed you'll be is when you get the leathal injection on death row.
cause you let every thing go.
i was fairly relaxed when rohypnoled up at the dentists lol
i was fairly relaxed when rohypnoled up at the dentists lol
yeah but when he said he was going to have a poke around and see what he could find.
you never moved an inch.
Kickingriffin
30-05-07, 11:01 AM
God that thread made me piss myself.....not literally.....
yeah but when he said he was going to have a poke around and see what he could find.
you never moved an inch.
my mouth was quite sore after and lots of white residue.... hmm:tard:
I missed my morning poo today, should have cooked up a big 'un by the time I reach the afternoon slot
Don't back it up too much RJ or you may end up with a ring streached to the limit by a bog rocking turd the size of a submarine.
Kinky Monza
30-05-07, 01:51 PM
Far too much info!!!
Don't back it up too much RJ or you may end up with a ring streached to the limit by a bog rocking turd the size of a submarine.
I know the ones you mean pal, many a time ive held on far too long and ended up having to lower the bastid by hand to save cracking the porceline.
but what i want to know is why when your having a poo and concentrating on not doin any of the points the BT mentioned , why will someone ring you and its always a important phone call aswell lol
There is a simple solution to this, take your phone with you. I enjoy seeing if whoever it is realises your actually in a meeting with Mr Brown lol
There is a simple solution to this, take your phone with you. I enjoy seeing if whoever it is realises your actually in a meeting with Mr Brown lol
I do that ALL the time. You've been on the phone a few times:D Mind you I also just go and take a pee when on the phone to people. Some of them twig and others must think that its started raining really hardlol
wisewood
30-05-07, 03:55 PM
I wouldn't have said urinating was the most relaxed state you could be in. Sure, your abdomen & crotch will be relaxed, but to be fully relaxed you have to be laying down, or else you'd fall over and lay in a puddle of your own piss.
I made it til 15:45.
Ahhh, thats better.
Afternoon Delight.
im saving up for when i get home so that i can drop a big anchor at poo bay
Kinky Monza
30-05-07, 04:15 PM
Sick puppy!!!
BigStan
30-05-07, 04:21 PM
Well i did one today at the house i was supposed to be painting, stunk it out ! lol lol
im saving up for when i get home so that i can drop a big anchor at poo bay
you should always poo at work, that way your being paid for it :D
im saving up for when i get home so that i can drop a big anchor at poo bay
I thought laying ones anchor in poo bay was usually used in reference to another particular act that involves the tradesman's entrance?
...or will you be doing that too? lol
Knowing Stu, he'll go for the combo lol
Knowing Stu, he'll go for the combo lol
I think its called making room;)
Popular in Germany, so I hear
Lmao..
i had 5 today.. all abit sloppy.... damn redbull/dr pepper vodka mixes last nite lol
on the phone ringin comments.. its all well until you have a anus stretcher and have to force it out.. while trying to speak..
my lass can tell str8 away.. lmao..
Martin u best not be pooin while on the fone..lol lol
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