Swearing at work

[Jack]

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.


1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?


2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking power-crazy b*tch.


3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?


4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck off a*se-wipe.


5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole.


6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f*ck.


7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: Not my f*cking problem, mate.


8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?


9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking chance mate.


10) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.
NSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?


11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his f*cking a*se.


12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Oi, f*ck face.


13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.
INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs f*cking holidays anyway.


Thank You,
Human Resources

[Kinky Monza]

lol don't think it'd work in my job lol

[dannyb]

Is this for real??

I was on practise at a primary school a couple of weeks ago and asked a 'fellow' student doing a PGCE (same ages as me - 23) "who do you have next?" she replied and then asked me who I have next. I said "the f*ckwits class".

Now, any normal person whos been through life to the age of 23 wouln't normally be phased by this in a private conversation in an empty corridor.

Instead, she grasses me up her class teacher who tells my mentor, who tells my class teacher, who eventual bo11ocks me a few days later. What is these peoples problems? Its a bit of swearing that hasn't hurt anyone. I understand I have to be professional in front of kids and parents, but this is what I choose to say privately to another individual who is in the same boat and who I trust will keep this sort of thing private.

Last time I trust a f*cking student.

[craig green]

I've taught some of our staff to swear.

[bump]

I've taught some of our staff to swear.

You working with Polish lads these days?

It wouldn't work here, I have to deal with too may contractors.

[Matt2107]

Swearing is good.

[Lee]

I swore in a secondary school a few weeks ago when i nearly fell of a ladder. It was a totally invoulantary reaction to nearly breaking my neck.

A teacher came in and asked me to curb my language as I could have offended someone.

I then pointed out that I would imagine her 'little darlings' would proabably be able to teach me a thing or two about swearing.

[Jack]

I could just imagine you falling off that ladder and biting your tongue not to swear... then some little oik coming up and saying "You alright mate, that fall looked fcuking nasty" lol

[Lee]

pmsl, dont laugh, ive had many a run in with the youth of todays schools. One mentioned to me whilst moving down a crowded corridor that I ought to 'get the fcuk out of his way, or he would fcucking hurt me'

He was half my height, half my build (yes, THAT skinny) and I was carrying a 2 meter aluminium projector pole! I looked at the teacher I was with and he just rolled his eyes!!!!

Bring back corporal punishment! When they do, i shall become a teacher just so i can smack the sh1t out of the gobby cnuts!

[Riggy]

pmsl there ace , new sig time lol

[coombsey]

these are brilliant will try them monday dont think it will catch on tho working in a factory tho

[Alex.]

Is this for real??

I was on practise at a primary school a couple of weeks ago and asked a 'fellow' student doing a PGCE (same ages as me - 23) "who do you have next?" she replied and then asked me who I have next. I said "the f*ckwits class".

I can understand why, as it wasn't a very nice comment about little kids.
But then I understand why you said it around someone in the same environments as you and thought nothing of it.

[ANDYRACER]

Is this for real??

I was on practise at a primary school a couple of weeks ago and asked a 'fellow' student doing a PGCE (same ages as me - 23) "who do you have next?" she replied and then asked me who I have next. I said "the f*ckwits class".

Now, any normal person whos been through life to the age of 23 wouln't normally be phased by this in a private conversation in an empty corridor.

Instead, she grasses me up her class teacher who tells my mentor, who tells my class teacher, who eventual bo11ocks me a few days later. What is these peoples problems? Its a bit of swearing that hasn't hurt anyone. I understand I have to be professional in front of kids and parents, but this is what I choose to say privately to another individual who is in the same boat and who I trust will keep this sort of thing private.

Last time I trust a f*cking student.

A quick kicking wont do any harm;)

[womble sri]

i work as a surveyor for a building contractors and swearing is second nature to me and most if not all the other members of staff with the levels of stress and a lot of them coming from site based backgrounds