crap joke time

[draper]

whats the first sign of madness ??



















suggs walking up your garden path !!

[staggy_gsi]

oh dear.....

[draper]

bet it made you smile tho ?? well more than that time you bought a car from majica GSi lol

[burgo]

crap

[novabex]

What you call a guy with a spade in his head?




















Doug

[draper]

what do you call aguy with a car on his head

























jack

[novabex]

What you call a guy without a spade in his head?

















Douglas

[draper]

what time is it when an elephant sits on your fencce




time to get a new fence

[vaughanmc]

Paddy and Mick were in a plane..
Paddy said to Mick: 'Can you see the forrest'
Mick replied: 'I can't see it for the trees'
lol

[novabex]

What do you do if you see a spaceman?
















Park in it.

lol

[draper]

2 paddies walking down the road, see asign in the police station window

"2 asians wanted for rape"

paddy says "fuking pakis, they get the best jobs"

[vaughanmc]

lol

[vaughanmc]

the jokes seem to be getting slightly better...

[novabex]

RULES: Your not allowed to post unless your post contains a crap joke!

[draper]

what did the farmer say when he saw 2 elephants walking down a hill ??

"bloody hell, look at that, 2 elephants waling down a hill"

what did he say when he saw 2 elephants in sunglasses walking down the hill


nothing, he didnt recognise them

[liam_ere]

god appears to a man and says he'll have to quit fags, drink and sex if he wants to go to heaven. a week later god re-appears and asks him how its going. man says the fags and drink were easy but when my wife bent over to take meat out of the freezer i couldn't resist i had to give her one there and then. god says they dont like that sort of thing in heaven. man replys they dont like it in ASDA either...

[Jon_nova1]

After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Fred notices a photo of a man on her bedside table. At first, he really didn't give it much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he.
But after a month or so into the relationship he begins to stress about it; even imagining the photo is staring at him doing the deed. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask about it. "Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Another boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands. "That's me 6 months ago"

[draper]

CRAP jokes, not funny ones ^^

[Dar]

lol Thats fapping brilliant Liam!!!

Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there.

A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."

[Jon_nova1]

i didn't think it was that funny lol

ok ok lets try again :D

one day i locked myself out, i thought of how i was going to get in, i went around the back to see if i'd left it unlocked and saw my cat, i said to tiddles the cat, "let me in" Tiddles said "me-ow"?

[draper]

owl and a cat playing pool, owl breaks, doesnt pot, cat takes his shot and pots the white "to hits mate" he says

owl says "2 hits to who??"

[mowgli]

according to popular belief, AXL ROSE (lead singer from guns n roses for those under thirty) stands for oral sex..............



Apparently he prefers to sit down for it.

[Ash]

twotwo was a racehorse
oneone was one too
twotwo won a race one day
oneone won one too

[goldengraham]

whats the definition of embaressment??






running into a wall with an erection and breaking your nose first!

[Jon_nova1]

Two cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other..



does this taste funny to you?

[mowgli]

How to you get 4 elephants in a nova?
2 in the front 2 in the back.......
how do you get 2 wales in a nova?
up the M4

[Novadex]

MAn goes to a Zoo, the only animal there was a dog...



It was a sh1tzoo! lol

[goldengraham]

MAn goes to a Zoo, the only animal there was a dog...



It was a sh1tzoo! lol

lmao that is actually quite good lol

[Asa-James]

two blondes walk into a bar...



you'd have thought one of them would see it

[Novadex]

Ttwo blonds on either side of a river, one says to the other "How do you get to the other side?" the other replys "you are on the other side!" lol

[mowgli]

a bloke is walking round Birmingham when he sees a penguin waddling towards him. he picks it up takes it to his local police station. The officer says 'You should take it to Dudley Zoo'.
The next day the officer sees the same man carrying the same penguin & says 'I thought I said take it to Dudley Zoo'
the man replies 'Yes, he loved it, we are off to the pictures next!!!!!'

[goldengraham]

how many animals can you fit into a pair of tights??

2 calfs, 1 ass, 1 pussy, countless hares, the occasional cock, and 1 dead fish no f*cker can find!!

[Wilson]

What do you call i dinosaur with no eyes?...










...Doyathinkhesawus

[mowgli]

A young lad goes courting.
he convinces the girl to give him a hand job but she's never done one before, so he says 'Imagine you are shaking a ketchup bottle'
things are going well and he shouts 'Harder'
So she starts whacking the end with her other hand.....Boom Boom

[c'2.0lrt]

whats the perfect engine????
a fanny....
because it fits any size piston,its self lubricating,starts with 1 finger
and it does its own oil change every 4 weeks..

[Stanley]

Whats the most common owl in Britain?




Teet-Owl

[Stanley]

What do you get hanging on banana trees?



Sore arms

[mowgli]

A lady goes into a shop and asks for some string & some cotton wool.
'Roll your own?' asked the assistant

[goldengraham]

irishman doing a jigsaw puzzle, asks englishman 'can you help me with this, its supposed to be a tiger?' Englishmen sighs and say's 'just put the f*cking frosties back in the box you f*cking idiot!!