Novaload Admin
11-02-02, 11:33 PM
JANUARY: Actress Elizabeth Hurley tells a shocked world that the father of
> her unborn child is Ipswich Town's manager, and that the tot will be given
> the surname Hurley-Burley. Dance music magazine Mixmag reveals the result
> of their search for the person who has attended the greatest number of
> different clubs in the past 12 months. The winner is Steve Bruce.
> FEBRUARY: Bolton's slide down the Premiership table is explained when it
> is discovered that opposing defenders have been taking Vitamin D tablets
> to counteract the effects of Ricketts. Disappointing ticket sales for the
> Spice Girls' reunion tour begin to soar when it is announced that, in
> tribute to her husband, Victoria Beckham will start the concert on the
> bench.
> MARCH: Paul Ince is arrested for leaving the scene of an accident after
> Arsene Wenger catches the Middlesborough captain crashing into his 2CV,
> causing damage to the front bumper. However the case collapses when, in
> court, Wenger admits: "I did not see the Incey dent". The search for Osama
> Bin Laden switches to Craven Cottage amid rumours that the Al-Qaeda leader
> is trying to make contact with the sinister Al-Fayeda network.
> APRIL: Elizabeth Hurley gives birth to a baby daughter whose head is
> covered in ringlets. She is christened Curly Girly Hurley-Burley. In
> another shock example of footballers behaving badly, the man who adds up
> the attendance figures at Anfield is assaulted by Liverpool stars. Says
> proud Phil Thompson: "My lads are the best counter-attacking side in
> football".
> MAY: Blaming Leicester's relegation on a muscle-bound striker who doesn't
> score any goals, Dave Bassett finally sells Ade Akinbiyi. He immediately
> pays 30m to take Emile Heskey back from Liverpool. Arsenal win the title
> but at least Teddy Sheringham and Les Ferdinand book Tottenham's place in
> Europe. They'll be going on a cheese-tasting coach trip round Belgium with
> Saga. Millwall win the first division.
> JUNE: Following three straight defeats by Cameroon, Germany and Saudi
> Arabia, distraught Ireland boss Mick McCarthy flies home straight after
> the World Cup's first round to a heroes wellcome in Dublin. Impressed,
> the Scottish FA immediately offer him Craig Brown's old job. England's
> campaign ends in farce, all 23 players ruled out with food poisoning after
> Kieron Dyer persuades them to visit a South Korean restaurant. "I heard
> there were some tasty old dogs there," he sheepishly explains.
> JULY: In the annual pre-season spending spree, Arsenal chairman David Dein
> raids Inter Milan for Ronaldo, Liverpool chairman David Moores raids Real
> Madrid for Roberto Carlos and Aston Villa chairman Doug Ellis raids
> Burnley for some second-hand kit so he won't have to fork out for a new
> set. Middlesborough's manager returns to Old Trafford as Manchester
> United's new boss after Sir Alex Ferguson is overheard saying he's
> "looking forward to spending a lot more time with McClaren". An
> even-redder-faced-than-usual Fergie later admits what he'd actually said
> was "I'm looking forward to spending a lot mare time wi' ma claret".
> AUGUST: The new season begins with Liverpool kicking off in front of a
> capacity crowd at Anfield, Manchester United kicking off in front of an
> expectant Old Trafford and Leeds United kicking off in front of the
> Majestyk nightclub. The Queen Mother celebrates her 102nd birthday with a
> telemessage from Bobby Robson.
> SEPTEMBER: The hunt for Bin Laden appears over when the FBI arrests a
> much-disliked bearded man who achieved infamy for wrecking the twin
> towers. Sadly, Ken Bates is later released without charge. Dennis Wise
> joins Fulham, then refuses to play anywhere other than up front. This
> gives the Cottagers a forward line of Steve Marlet and Cockney Rebel.
> OCTOBER: Just six weeks into the season, newly promoted Manchester City
> are losing each game by an average score of 7-4. Shell-shocked boss Kevin
> Keegan reveals he is considering tinkering with his revolutionary 0-0-10
> formation or, as a compromise, asking Shaun Goater to play as a
> rush-goalie. Ariel Sharon names Dwight Yorke as Israel's new defence
> minister after his successful incursions into Jordan.
> NOVEMBER: The Queen Mother dies and as a mark of respect, Chelsea players
> on a drinking session lower their trousers to half-mast. Walter Smith
> leaves Everton, saying he needs more job security. He immediately becomes
> CEO of a leading Internet company.
> DECEMBER: As Christmas approaches, kindly Robbie Savage promises he'll try
> his best to make sure that everyone who tackles him gets a card - though
> whether it turns out to be yellow or red will depend on how gullible the
> referee is. A police report reveals a huge increase in drunk and
> disorderly arrests at Upton Park. Glenn Roeder says West Ham will try to
> hold their Xmas party elsewhere next year.
> her unborn child is Ipswich Town's manager, and that the tot will be given
> the surname Hurley-Burley. Dance music magazine Mixmag reveals the result
> of their search for the person who has attended the greatest number of
> different clubs in the past 12 months. The winner is Steve Bruce.
> FEBRUARY: Bolton's slide down the Premiership table is explained when it
> is discovered that opposing defenders have been taking Vitamin D tablets
> to counteract the effects of Ricketts. Disappointing ticket sales for the
> Spice Girls' reunion tour begin to soar when it is announced that, in
> tribute to her husband, Victoria Beckham will start the concert on the
> bench.
> MARCH: Paul Ince is arrested for leaving the scene of an accident after
> Arsene Wenger catches the Middlesborough captain crashing into his 2CV,
> causing damage to the front bumper. However the case collapses when, in
> court, Wenger admits: "I did not see the Incey dent". The search for Osama
> Bin Laden switches to Craven Cottage amid rumours that the Al-Qaeda leader
> is trying to make contact with the sinister Al-Fayeda network.
> APRIL: Elizabeth Hurley gives birth to a baby daughter whose head is
> covered in ringlets. She is christened Curly Girly Hurley-Burley. In
> another shock example of footballers behaving badly, the man who adds up
> the attendance figures at Anfield is assaulted by Liverpool stars. Says
> proud Phil Thompson: "My lads are the best counter-attacking side in
> football".
> MAY: Blaming Leicester's relegation on a muscle-bound striker who doesn't
> score any goals, Dave Bassett finally sells Ade Akinbiyi. He immediately
> pays 30m to take Emile Heskey back from Liverpool. Arsenal win the title
> but at least Teddy Sheringham and Les Ferdinand book Tottenham's place in
> Europe. They'll be going on a cheese-tasting coach trip round Belgium with
> Saga. Millwall win the first division.
> JUNE: Following three straight defeats by Cameroon, Germany and Saudi
> Arabia, distraught Ireland boss Mick McCarthy flies home straight after
> the World Cup's first round to a heroes wellcome in Dublin. Impressed,
> the Scottish FA immediately offer him Craig Brown's old job. England's
> campaign ends in farce, all 23 players ruled out with food poisoning after
> Kieron Dyer persuades them to visit a South Korean restaurant. "I heard
> there were some tasty old dogs there," he sheepishly explains.
> JULY: In the annual pre-season spending spree, Arsenal chairman David Dein
> raids Inter Milan for Ronaldo, Liverpool chairman David Moores raids Real
> Madrid for Roberto Carlos and Aston Villa chairman Doug Ellis raids
> Burnley for some second-hand kit so he won't have to fork out for a new
> set. Middlesborough's manager returns to Old Trafford as Manchester
> United's new boss after Sir Alex Ferguson is overheard saying he's
> "looking forward to spending a lot more time with McClaren". An
> even-redder-faced-than-usual Fergie later admits what he'd actually said
> was "I'm looking forward to spending a lot mare time wi' ma claret".
> AUGUST: The new season begins with Liverpool kicking off in front of a
> capacity crowd at Anfield, Manchester United kicking off in front of an
> expectant Old Trafford and Leeds United kicking off in front of the
> Majestyk nightclub. The Queen Mother celebrates her 102nd birthday with a
> telemessage from Bobby Robson.
> SEPTEMBER: The hunt for Bin Laden appears over when the FBI arrests a
> much-disliked bearded man who achieved infamy for wrecking the twin
> towers. Sadly, Ken Bates is later released without charge. Dennis Wise
> joins Fulham, then refuses to play anywhere other than up front. This
> gives the Cottagers a forward line of Steve Marlet and Cockney Rebel.
> OCTOBER: Just six weeks into the season, newly promoted Manchester City
> are losing each game by an average score of 7-4. Shell-shocked boss Kevin
> Keegan reveals he is considering tinkering with his revolutionary 0-0-10
> formation or, as a compromise, asking Shaun Goater to play as a
> rush-goalie. Ariel Sharon names Dwight Yorke as Israel's new defence
> minister after his successful incursions into Jordan.
> NOVEMBER: The Queen Mother dies and as a mark of respect, Chelsea players
> on a drinking session lower their trousers to half-mast. Walter Smith
> leaves Everton, saying he needs more job security. He immediately becomes
> CEO of a leading Internet company.
> DECEMBER: As Christmas approaches, kindly Robbie Savage promises he'll try
> his best to make sure that everyone who tackles him gets a card - though
> whether it turns out to be yellow or red will depend on how gullible the
> referee is. A police report reveals a huge increase in drunk and
> disorderly arrests at Upton Park. Glenn Roeder says West Ham will try to
> hold their Xmas party elsewhere next year.