joke of the night

[Anonymous]

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

[Anonymous]

hahahahahhahahhah!!!

Mmmmm forbidden donut. :)

[Anonymous]

LMAO!!
Was considering going blonde again..you've reminded me why I shouldn't!!

[Anonymous]

very good!

Wots black and white and goes clop clop clop???




a nun on a one legged horse!!!!!!!!!

Very poor i know!

[Anonymous]

lol well done pag
is that a true story?lol

Micky@novaload.net :)

[Anonymous]

lol @ micky!

[Anonymous]

lol thats a good un Okay I got one 4 ya

Young timmy pricks his finger on a drawing pin at school , and calls out to the teacher that he neads to soak it in some cider

?Cider!? the teacher exclaims. ?What on earth do you want to soak it in cider 4 ??

?Because,? Timmy says, ?My sister says when ever she gets a prick in her hand, she ALWAYS puts it in cider.?


Beware of the voices!! they tell me to do it

www.perpetualbliss.net

[Anonymous]

OR
Whats the connection between a fat woman and a moped?

They're both a good ride untill your mates see you on one.

Beware of the voices!! they tell me to do it

www.perpetualbliss.net

[Anonymous]

roflmao @ v5uk's 1st one.

very good m8...

:D City City RA RA RA, Leeds Leeds BA BA BA, Scousers Scousers... where's my car? :D

[Anonymous]

roflmao @ v5uk's 1st one.

very good m8...

:D City City RA RA RA, Leeds Leeds BA BA BA, Scousers Scousers... where's my car? :D

[Anonymous]

i dont get it :-/

lol, very funny guys and gals

[naked_davo] Look she said she was 16!

[Anonymous]

thats crap , really really crap

here's a goodun

dracula's son was walking home after chillin with his homeys in da hood when he was set upon by a cheese sandwich, some sausage rolls, some pork pies cut into quaters and some cocktailsticks with cheese and pickled onion on. After being badly beaten he carrys on home. When he arrives home dracula(his dad) says SON! WHATS WRONG, WHAT HAPPENED? His son replys well dad I dont understand it I was walking home mindin my own business when I was attacked by a cheese sandwich, some sausage rolls, some pork pies cut into quarters and cocktail sticks with cheese and pickled onion on the end , I just dont understand it. dracula looks at his son all beaten and bruised and says....

dont worry son it was only BUFFET THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!!

HA HA HA , THAT STILL MAKES ME PISS MYSELF

bad bwoy tings a gwan!!

[Anonymous]

hahahahhahahaahhahahhhahahah!!!!

that is foooookin hilarious blondie!! it had my office in stiches!!!!! :D

Mmmmm forbidden donut. :)

[Anonymous]

And here is my contribution.........


A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The
assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure
you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at only ?20."
"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant," it used to live in a
brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind
up, I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".
So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once
safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman.
"F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam".
"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman indignantly.

A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive
home. "A new brothel, a new madam, and now new prostitutes" says the
parrot when he sees the daughters. "Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not
prostitutes" complained the girls, but when their mother explains, they all see the
funny side and have at laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband comes home.
"Well f**k me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old clients.

How ya doin', Dave.


Mmmmm forbidden donut. :)

[Anonymous]

ha ha yeah not bad

[Anonymous]

a man is leaving for work one morning and as he does so he informs his wife that if the house isnt clean, if the dog isnt fed and my dinner isnt on the table when I get home there is gonna be big trouble..
crapping herself all day she frantically runs about the house cleaning, polishing, dusting, she feeds the dog and has her husbands dinner ready to eat just before he is due to arrive home.
suddenly a giant panda breaks through the door sits down and eats the prepared meal, then he trashes the house and finishes up by sitting in her husbands fave chair and choking the chicken until he spurts hot panda love juice all over the place.
The panda then just gets off and leaves the woman in tears awaiting the arrival of her husband who was sure to kick the shit out of her.

two minutes later her husband walks in. Amazed at the mess he screams WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED HERE??
she tries to explain about the panda eating his dinner, trashing the house and then w.a.n.k.i.n.g all over the place.
he walks over to the bookcase pulling out the encyclopedia looks up pandas ,has a little read , puts it down and says ''ok love no worries let me help you clean up''
amazed at his response she picks up the encyclopedia and looks up pandas. It read.....
giant pandas : eats shoots and leaves.


ha ha ha ha HAHA HA HA HA AHAAHAHAHAHHAHHHAH.

[Anonymous]

fcukin nice one blondie hehehe

Beware of the voices!! they tell me to do it

www.perpetualbliss.net

[Anonymous]

Tommy ran home from school, as he could not wait to break his good news. "mum, mum!" he yelled. "I had sex with my geography teacher 2day!" "Dad dad" he exclaimed. Guess what , I had sex with my geography teacher."
"I'm proud of you son, " the father replied, to the mothers disbelief. " i think you're old enough to rid your brother's bike now "Tommy's face dropped in diappointment.
"I can't. My ARSE hurts!.

Beware of the voices!! they tell me to do it

www.perpetualbliss.net

[Anonymous]

I didn?t want 2 go 2 work 2day, ?So I phoned my boss and said I was sick,
?Sick? ?Fcukin Sick? screams my boss, ? this is the tenth time this month, Exactly how fcukin sick are you??
?Well? I replied ?I?m in bed with my 12-year old sister.??


Beware of the voices!! they tell me to do it

www.perpetualbliss.net

[Anonymous]

and did u get fired for that V5uk?

[Anonymous]

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big ****ing deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"

The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my p*ssy."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my p*ssy!"
The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.

She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her p*ssy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my arse!"

[Anonymous]

A blonde is wanting to sell her old car but is having problems. . . .

She asks the men in her office if they have any ideas.

One man replied "well, i used to be a mechanic - it is illegal but i can roll back the clock for you so that it appears that you have done less miles, that way you may find it easier to sell."

The blond replies "okay thanks"

Two weeks later the man asks the blonde "so, sold you car yet?"

The blond replies "no way, this car has years left in it, just look at the mileage"

[Anonymous]

hey less of the blond jokes!

bad bwoy tings a gwan!!

[Anonymous]

Sorry ;)