good book

[sickrabbit]

I,m still off from work with this bloomin back injury ans as bored as hell. Yesterday I washed me motor and today I,m really paying for it - feel like an old man of 90.
The mrs gave me a book to read , to cheer me up like and I,ve been in stiches at it - Rogers Profanisaurus - a swearing dictionary , by Roger Mellie- from the Viz comic . Heres a few of its contents and the meanings....
Anne Frank - to masturbate whilst hiding in a cupboard for 5 years
Balloon knot - ringpiece
carnival - a sexual game , where a woman sits on a mans face and he has to guess her wieght
Dragons nostril - the state of ones ringpiece after a fierce ruby murray
Eccles snake - a penis with warts
Fallen off her bike - a monthly cycling accident leaving a woman bleeding from the saddle area.
Glasgow salad - chips
Hush puppies - breasts so magnificent ,all men are rendered speechless in their presence
Itch - the feeling of sexual excitment a married man gets for his wife on average every 7 years


Gotta go now as foods ready - may update later.......

[-tucny-]

pmsl @ fallen off her bike and glasgow salad! :D :D :lol: :lol:

[sickrabbit]

just found this one....nearly wet meself..

Dirty sanchez - to stick ones finger up a ladys back bottom during doggy style intercourse. Then one draws a moustache on her top lip , apparently.
Dirty beppe - a dirty sanchez , but with coverage extended to the chin...

pmsl !!!

back to the alphabetical order.....

Join giblets - to have thingy with a lady
KEN DODD - to masturbate into your partners hair whilst they are asleep , leaving them on waking with a hairstyle similar to that of the scouse comic.
LANDMINE - a fresh dogs egg
Muffocation - the inability to breathe when a dirty lady is sitting on ones face .
Nepunes kiss - the cold water smacker on the ar*se caused by splashback
Oldest toad in the pond - a particuarly low , vociferous, grumbling fart , usually after eight pints of stout and a bar of bournville
Park the custard - vomit
Quornography - soft porn - ie no meat
Rolf Harris eating a banana - descriptive of close up intercourse scenes in a very blurred 200th copied dirty video
Sally Gunnell - a motor trade term for a used car - not much to look at but a f***ing good runner
Turtles breath - the very final warning fart before the turtle lets its head out to autograph the gusset
Up periscope - bathtime game for up to one person -polish the lighthouse
Vote for tony blair - to rush enthusiastically into the cubicle expecting big things to happen , only to get a pathetic little fart. To be constipated.
Wide on - the female equivilent of a hard on .
X-piles - mysterious unidentified throbbing objects from your anus
Yobble - to sh*t somewhere other than a toilet, usually for the amusement of others . eg , onto a cow from a tree.
Z- zz bottom - an exceptionally long haired muff , from the resemblence to the beards supported by the band ZZ top. But not the drummer.

You,ve gotta check this book out folks , I,ve only listed a few of the many swear words listed in this dictionary - its cheered me up loads - ( just got to try to remember some of em now....)
hope it made you grin.......

[Dar]

lol - Brilliant!
I will have to try and remember some of those ;)

[-tucny-]

where can u get it from??

[sickrabbit]

I got it thru one of those book clubs ( women a work runs one that brings in a selection once a month ) but I,m sure whsmith may have it...or try ebay or amazon its called Rogers profanisaurus and is marked up at ?9.99 - I was lucky n got it for ?3 !! The ken Dodd hand me in fits - just found this one :
Jill off _ the female equivilent off jack off, paddle the pink canoe. Until it leaks.
Jizz bolt - A glob of ejaculate that leavesthe hogs eye with enough force to put the television through.

King canute - An enormous Richatrd the Third that blocks the bend and holds back the tide of the flush , causing the toilet to overflow.
Lard of the manor - fat bloke who lives on your estate
Minute man - One afflicted with teh hillarious and shameful condition of premature ejaculation . A two push charlie, a point and squirt merchant.
Motorcycle kickstand - The morning erection that manifests itselfwhilst one is asleep on ones side , preventing one from rolling over onto ones stomach.

more later.......

ken dodd - next time he,s on telly .....pmsl !! :lol:

[sickrabbit]

just found this lot -

King kongs finger - a turd large enough to flatten a car - an Elvis killer
Kling -ons - One of the numerous races of Star trek alien with cornish pasties fore heads . Winnetts , dangle berries , tag nuts , hairy arse spiders , anal hangers on ......... :lol:



gonna have to put this book in the bathroom cabinet - toilet reading matter.....