boredbloke
24-05-05, 04:50 PM
The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed,
When his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache". "Perfect," her
Husband said. " I was just in the bathroom powdering my d*ck with
aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!
__________________________________________________ _
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a
faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She
Lived for ten more years, and then dies peacefully. A ceremony is
again held At the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall
bearers
are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband
cries out, "Watch the f*cking wall!""
__________________________________________________
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs Up
on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to
bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and
Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I
thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes
with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."
__________________________________________________ _
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have s*x.
MOST important....
4. These three women must NEVER meet
__________________________________________________ _
Most married couples mainly argue about two things, s*x and money. So
agree the price before you start.
__________________________________________________ _
A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when
he's pulled over by the Police.The police officer approaches
him and asks:"Have you been drinking Sir?" Why?" asks the man, "Was I
driving badly?" No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly.
It was the ugly Fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"
__________________________________________________
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to
Show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were
rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the
lounge."What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why,
that's my Speaking Clock", the man replied. "How does it work?", asked
the guest. "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an
ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the
other side of
the wall screamed, "For f**ks sake, it's twenty to two in the f*c*ing
morning!
When his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache". "Perfect," her
Husband said. " I was just in the bathroom powdering my d*ck with
aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!
__________________________________________________ _
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a
faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She
Lived for ten more years, and then dies peacefully. A ceremony is
again held At the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall
bearers
are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband
cries out, "Watch the f*cking wall!""
__________________________________________________
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs Up
on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to
bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and
Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I
thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes
with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."
__________________________________________________ _
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have s*x.
MOST important....
4. These three women must NEVER meet
__________________________________________________ _
Most married couples mainly argue about two things, s*x and money. So
agree the price before you start.
__________________________________________________ _
A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when
he's pulled over by the Police.The police officer approaches
him and asks:"Have you been drinking Sir?" Why?" asks the man, "Was I
driving badly?" No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly.
It was the ugly Fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"
__________________________________________________
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to
Show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were
rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the
lounge."What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why,
that's my Speaking Clock", the man replied. "How does it work?", asked
the guest. "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an
ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the
other side of
the wall screamed, "For f**ks sake, it's twenty to two in the f*c*ing
morning!