NOVA_GTEUK
03-10-04, 12:03 AM
What do you call a townie in a filing cabinet? Sorted
What do you call a townie in a box with a lock on it? Safe
What do you call a townie in a box? Innit
What do you call a townie in a fridge? Chillin'
What do you call a boy and girl townie in a phone box? ***king innit
What's the difference between a townie girl and the Grand Old Duke of York? The Grand Old Duke of York only had ten thousand men...
What do you call a townie girl in a white tracksuit? The bride.
If you see a townie on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? It might be your bike.
What's the first question at a townie quiz night? "What you lookin' at?!"
2 townies in a car without any music. Who's driving? The police.
What do townies use as protection during sex? A bus shelter.
What do you say to a townie in a suit? Will the defendant please stand.
What do you call a townie waiting in a bus shelter? At a party.
What have townies got in common with turtles? When they're on their back they're ***ked.
How does a townie girl turn the lights off after sex? She closes the car door
What do you call a 30 year old townie? Dunno. Ask her 17 year old son.
What do you do if you run a townie over? Slip it into reverse just to make sure.
What do you call a townie with the same IQ as their shoe size? Gifted
What do you call a townie on the Moon? Problem.
What do you call ten townies on the Moon? Problem.
What do you call a hundred townies on the Moon? Problem.
What do you call ALL of the townies on the Moon? Problem solved.
What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Nova full of townies? With the hedgehog, the *****s are on the outside.
What do you call a townie on a bike? A thief
What's a townies favourite car? One without an alarm.
What happens to a thought in a townie's head? It dies of loneliness.
What does a townie girl do when she gets up in the morning? She goes home
What is brown and black and looks great on a townie? A rottweiler.
How do you circumcise a townie? Kick his sister in the teeth.
How can you tell when a girl townie's orgasmed? She drops her chips
What's the difference between a townie and the loch ness monster? Sadly, townies are real
Judge: What gear were you in at the moment of crashing your Nova? >Townie defendant: Reeboks and a Burberry cap.
Did you hear about the socially adept townie? No, neither did I.
A townie female is doing the washing up when her 4 year old daughter comes up to her "Mummy, I wondered why your hands are so soft" "Fookin' ell" says the chavette. "It's 'cos I'm twelve, innit"
What do you do if you see a townie with half his face blown off walking down the street? Stop laughing and reload the shotgun.
How do u know when a towny girl is full? Her eyes go white
What does a townie lass do with her arsehole after sex ? Sends him out for a kebab and a bottle of Lambrini
2 townies are walking through the jungle and they see a man getting eaten by a crocodile, one says to the other, "Wow, look at his Burberry sleeping bag."
What's the difference between a townie and a dictionary? About 90, 7800 words
What is the similarity between a middle aged Townie woman's legs, and The Beatles? They haven't been together since the 70's
What has eight balls and screws townie women twice a week? Bingo
How does a townie girl get rid of unwanted pubic hair? She spits
Why wasn't Jesus born in Stevenage? Because in Stevenage, there are no virgins or wise men.
What do you call a scally in university? The janitor
What do you call a scally in a detached house? A burglar
What's the difference between a townie and a Computer? You can punch information into a computer.
Why can't a townie count to 70? Cos 69 is a mouthful!
What's the most confusing day in townieland? Fathers' Day!
What's the difference between a phone battery and a townie just out of prison? The battery will last a couple of days more before being charged again.
What's the difference between an onion and a townie? Cutting up onions makes me cry
How do you make a townie run faster? Tuck a Playstation under his arm.
What's an alternative way to make a townie run faster? Tell him there are kids in the park with cider
What key can open anything? A pikey!
What's a townies favourite hot drink? Kappachino.....
A towny girl is walking along the road when she gets hit by a car. The driver, a man, gets out and asks "Are you OK?" "Nah," replies the girl, "I can't see very well."
The driver puts a hand in front of her face and says "How many fingers have I got up?" And the girl says "Fookin' 'ell, don't tell me I'm paralyzed as well!"
Townies are like slinkies, they have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
What do you call a townie in a box with a lock on it? Safe
What do you call a townie in a box? Innit
What do you call a townie in a fridge? Chillin'
What do you call a boy and girl townie in a phone box? ***king innit
What's the difference between a townie girl and the Grand Old Duke of York? The Grand Old Duke of York only had ten thousand men...
What do you call a townie girl in a white tracksuit? The bride.
If you see a townie on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? It might be your bike.
What's the first question at a townie quiz night? "What you lookin' at?!"
2 townies in a car without any music. Who's driving? The police.
What do townies use as protection during sex? A bus shelter.
What do you say to a townie in a suit? Will the defendant please stand.
What do you call a townie waiting in a bus shelter? At a party.
What have townies got in common with turtles? When they're on their back they're ***ked.
How does a townie girl turn the lights off after sex? She closes the car door
What do you call a 30 year old townie? Dunno. Ask her 17 year old son.
What do you do if you run a townie over? Slip it into reverse just to make sure.
What do you call a townie with the same IQ as their shoe size? Gifted
What do you call a townie on the Moon? Problem.
What do you call ten townies on the Moon? Problem.
What do you call a hundred townies on the Moon? Problem.
What do you call ALL of the townies on the Moon? Problem solved.
What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Nova full of townies? With the hedgehog, the *****s are on the outside.
What do you call a townie on a bike? A thief
What's a townies favourite car? One without an alarm.
What happens to a thought in a townie's head? It dies of loneliness.
What does a townie girl do when she gets up in the morning? She goes home
What is brown and black and looks great on a townie? A rottweiler.
How do you circumcise a townie? Kick his sister in the teeth.
How can you tell when a girl townie's orgasmed? She drops her chips
What's the difference between a townie and the loch ness monster? Sadly, townies are real
Judge: What gear were you in at the moment of crashing your Nova? >Townie defendant: Reeboks and a Burberry cap.
Did you hear about the socially adept townie? No, neither did I.
A townie female is doing the washing up when her 4 year old daughter comes up to her "Mummy, I wondered why your hands are so soft" "Fookin' ell" says the chavette. "It's 'cos I'm twelve, innit"
What do you do if you see a townie with half his face blown off walking down the street? Stop laughing and reload the shotgun.
How do u know when a towny girl is full? Her eyes go white
What does a townie lass do with her arsehole after sex ? Sends him out for a kebab and a bottle of Lambrini
2 townies are walking through the jungle and they see a man getting eaten by a crocodile, one says to the other, "Wow, look at his Burberry sleeping bag."
What's the difference between a townie and a dictionary? About 90, 7800 words
What is the similarity between a middle aged Townie woman's legs, and The Beatles? They haven't been together since the 70's
What has eight balls and screws townie women twice a week? Bingo
How does a townie girl get rid of unwanted pubic hair? She spits
Why wasn't Jesus born in Stevenage? Because in Stevenage, there are no virgins or wise men.
What do you call a scally in university? The janitor
What do you call a scally in a detached house? A burglar
What's the difference between a townie and a Computer? You can punch information into a computer.
Why can't a townie count to 70? Cos 69 is a mouthful!
What's the most confusing day in townieland? Fathers' Day!
What's the difference between a phone battery and a townie just out of prison? The battery will last a couple of days more before being charged again.
What's the difference between an onion and a townie? Cutting up onions makes me cry
How do you make a townie run faster? Tuck a Playstation under his arm.
What's an alternative way to make a townie run faster? Tell him there are kids in the park with cider
What key can open anything? A pikey!
What's a townies favourite hot drink? Kappachino.....
A towny girl is walking along the road when she gets hit by a car. The driver, a man, gets out and asks "Are you OK?" "Nah," replies the girl, "I can't see very well."
The driver puts a hand in front of her face and says "How many fingers have I got up?" And the girl says "Fookin' 'ell, don't tell me I'm paralyzed as well!"
Townies are like slinkies, they have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.