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View Full Version : Santa Claus Does Not Exist, we have proof!



wisewood
16-12-03, 05:02 PM
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put
out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the
total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be
approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for
the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by
the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of
calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To
break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our
total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000/3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300
pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload (not even counting the weight of the sleigh) - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four
times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft
re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

{ Courtesy of our good friends at kieru. (http://www.kieru.co.uk/forum) }

Dpnova
16-12-03, 05:05 PM
can you break it down into bullet points i cant be bothered to read it.

wisewood
16-12-03, 05:12 PM
Sorry - thats about as short as it can get.

Mark
16-12-03, 06:52 PM
Interesting :o :lol:

wisewood
16-12-03, 06:57 PM
ya'll know how much i love stats.

Beano
16-12-03, 07:20 PM
ROFPMSLMAO!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Thats gotta be one of the funniest damn things I have ever read!! :lol: :D





Does that make me sad.... :?: :(




:lol:

?Marty?
16-12-03, 07:35 PM
Santa IS real! You forgot ONE vital detail. He has lots of Santas little helpers!! :D

wisewood
16-12-03, 07:44 PM
he would have to have quantrillions of little helpers and flying reindeer though... which seems unlikely.

Jordi
16-12-03, 07:47 PM
with the amount of sherry consumed on his journey, he wud get pulled over within 5 mins by the pigs.

wisewood
16-12-03, 07:49 PM
but if Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, the police in their nice shiney volvo might struggle to keep up.

*NoVa_BoY*
16-12-03, 08:30 PM
you've just ruined my christmas :( :lol:

Barn
16-12-03, 09:56 PM
i can't believe I just read all that...but its interesting anyway.

good one andy!

atb

Neil.
17-12-03, 12:30 AM
wayyyyyy too much time on your hands!

ydg27
17-12-03, 02:08 AM
you really need to get out more guv.
interesting never the less :o

wisewood
17-12-03, 10:31 AM
if you follow the link at the bottom you will see it wasnt me who thought it all up - all i have done is read it and copy/paste it onto here.

pretty much the same as the rest of ya - so if i need to get out more, so do you lot! :D

Merry Christmas!

dangermousegsi
17-12-03, 01:10 PM
thank god santa aint sponsored by parcel force "we make the possible impossible"

Riggy
18-12-03, 05:21 PM
you no if you read that it actually makes sense lol but the original person who thought it up must of been bored sh*tless lol

and as for the pigs not catching him rick will when his fat turbo goes on lol :D

wisewood
18-12-03, 06:25 PM
Rick's car will be fast - no denying that... but capable of that sort of speed? i think not!!

novamark
19-12-03, 12:34 AM
he is invisible anyway, well he was real ugly to start with so they made him invisible, then thought they could make up a myth that he looked like some old fat geezer with a beard. they=santa's helpers. there are loads of santas, all clones and they do the same job.

wisewood
19-12-03, 09:56 AM
COBBLERS!!!
You're just clutching at straws now!

novamark
19-12-03, 02:22 PM
busted. doh. worth a try though. lol.

Dpnova
19-12-03, 02:22 PM
DONT BELIVE DONT RECIEVE :lol:

wisewood
19-12-03, 03:11 PM
lmfao - well i know i will recieve - thats why my missus wont let me in the spare room at the moment:lol:

Dpnova
19-12-03, 03:14 PM
Why have you kidnapped santa claus and thats why your saying he doesnt exist :lol:

wisewood
19-12-03, 03:26 PM
nothing to do with me - if anyone has kidnapped him and made up all that stuff it wasnt me. i just know that if i so much as open the door to the spare bedroom i might as well kick myself in the nuts, coz they wont be used for a while :lol:

Dpnova
19-12-03, 03:31 PM
I know what u mean my birds the same she gave me a lecture on how i know all the presents shes got me so she went all serective this year and i dont know what ive got :cry:

Tilly
21-12-03, 03:16 PM
he is real. Its just cause your boring and have no christmas cheer

Ben3042
21-12-03, 11:17 PM
No shit sherlock :lol:

wisewood
22-12-03, 10:17 AM
he is real. Its just cause your boring and have no christmas cheer

I have about as much xmas cheer as a person can have - i love christmas... giving and recieving gifts, seeing all my friends and family etc - its great!!!

Just saying the jolly fat man doesnt exist - and i know this to be true for many reasons :D If you can read a joke as a joke at christmas, who is lacking in christmas cheer??

Dpnova
22-12-03, 10:19 AM
He does exist i saw him in 2 shopping centers yesturday but he seemed to grow about a foot and a half in the space of an hour :lol:

wisewood
22-12-03, 10:31 AM
I saw three of him in one place in the Trafford Centre yesterday afternoon! Most impressive wizzardry.

novamark
22-12-03, 11:12 AM
told u, he has many clones, that are sometimes visible, they all help eachother.

wisewood
22-12-03, 11:19 AM
well these ones were helping each other drink coffee and eat giant pretzils. (spelling?) :lol: with false beards pulled down round their necks outta the way! very festive!

Tilly
24-12-03, 09:16 PM
he is real. Its just cause your boring and have no christmas cheer


Just saying the jolly fat man doesnt exist - and i know this to be true for many reasons :D If you can read a joke as a joke at christmas, who is lacking in christmas cheer??

haha u have friends. Ican take a joke and most know it.
but the normal response to u pi$$ off