funny christmas joke needed!

[Ian]

for a competition at work

needs to be clean!

and funny!

lets here them asap

[krobinson]

Meaning you'll get all the credit for our jokes?

Pha :P

:lol: :lol:

keith

[Ian]

ill share the prize if we win lol, we have to pick a present so dont know what it is last weeks winners got sprouts lol so due a good prize

[krobinson]

A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away." Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know." The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay
for a while..."

Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know." The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay." Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know." She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...." Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!"

[krobinson]

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger... !

[krobinson]

How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

[krobinson]

How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back!
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the reindeer out first

[krobinson]

I'm so strong I could lift a reindeer with one hand.

Yeah, but where are we going to find a one-handed reindeer?

[Dpnova]

lmfao, they are so sad but they made me laugh

[Mark]

:lol:

[ade]

I got told a really funny one - ironically about a scouse santa stealing presents but I cant remember the punchline!

:lol: :roll: :lol:

Sorry Ian - sure santa doesnt steal presents in the land of scouse!

:wink:

just cars when someone steals his sleigh!

[RobIsGrt18]

Q: Define confusion

A: Fathers day in Liverpool


Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?

A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her


lol probably no help ian, but cud'nt resist :P !!

[Stuart]

what do you call a scouser in a red shell suit?


santa




crap but hey, more scouse bashing :D

[5_door owner]

why are santa's balls so big


cos he only come's once a year
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Dan]

2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it.

Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. "R hey lad" they say "gissa lift". The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.

He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.

"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the b*****ds have managed to nick a motorbike already".

[Mark]

LMFAO!

[dave.gsi]

wasnt it supposed to be christmas jokes :twisted:

[Rick Draper]

What does Father Christmas and Michael Jackson have in common?










They both have empty sacks when they leave childrens bedrooms.

[dave.gsi]

Three Scousers and three Mancs are travelling by train to a football Match
in London. At the station, the three Mancs each buy a ticket and watch as
the three Scousers buy just one ticket between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of
the Mancs. "Watch and learn," answers one of the Scousers.
They all board the train. The Mancs take their respective seats but all
three Scousers cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor arrives to collect the
tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The
conductor takes it and moves on.
The Mancs are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to
copy the Scousers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return
trip...To their astonishment, the Scousers don't buy a ticket at all !!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed
Mancunian. "Watch and learn..." says one Scouser.
When they board the train the three Mancs cram into a toilet and soon after
the three Scousers pile into another nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterwards, one of the Scousers leaves the toilet and sneaks across
to the toilet where the Mancs are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..

[dan_mk1]

:lol: