I need help/advice:update

[dangermousegsi]

Ive got a serious problem on my hands and i dont know what to do and would be greatfull of any advice suggestions that you have.

The problem is my girlfriend has an abusive mother, its sumthing ive been keeping to myself for the past 2yrs but i just cant cope with it anymore and need to tell somone.

Last nite on the way home from work she called my girlfriend and went mad at her accusing her of things she hadnt done an sayin sum seriously nasty things to her which reduced her to tears, ive never felt so angry an helpless in all my life, i would have grabbed the phone but i was in on the M25.

Her mother is an alcaholic and her step dad has only got involved once an that was to stop her smashin a glass in my g/f face.
She's even chucked a phone at me when the person on the other end said sumin she didnt like.

Her older sister left an now lives in brighton an has no intenion of comin back an her younger step-bro is now home alone an u can see by the looks on his face when we arrive/leave that hes not happy.

I dont know what to do, im so tempted to hit back but violence wont help, i thought about callin social services an havin her brother taken away but my g/f said it would make it worse.

I dont know what to do, if anybody can help please cause its gone to far now an i dont know what to do.

[a2lt16v]

HOW OLD IS SHE AND THE BROTHER.. LOOKING AT IT FROM THE BROTHERS POINT OF VIEW IT WOULD BE QUITE DISTURBING IF HE WAS TAKEN AWAY UNLESS HE WANTED TO BE. I CANT REALLY IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE BUT IM GUESSING IF HE IS GETTING HIT OR JUST HAVING A HORRIBLE TIME HE WOULD WANT TO GET AWAY. DO YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS OR ARE YOU LIVING ON YA OWN. COULD SHE MOVE IN WITH YOU.? ALTHOUGH I DSHE WILL OT WANT TO LEAVE LITTLE BROTHER ALONE ITS A TOUGH ONE MATE SPEAK TO YOUR PARETNS ABOUT IT OR GO SOME WHERE AND SPEAK TO SOCIAL ABOUT WHATS HAPPENING JUST DONT GIVE ANY NAMES WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM GIRL FRIEND AS IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE ALL SHE HAS. THE SOCIAL WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO GO ABOUT IT. IM NO EXPERT BUT THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF MATE

[Mark]

The citizens advice bureau should be able to put you on the right path and it's confidential, then when you have a fewoptions you can make your choice..

A life of abuse is no life at all....... :(

[dangermousegsi]

her step-bro isnt gettin hit as far as im aware cause his dad steps in the moment my g/f mum is about to go to far.

we moved into our own place a year ago an thats helped with the physical side but the verbal still goes on.

Her brothers school called the social cause he was missing a lot of fridays/mondays and her mum went mad accusing me/g/f/her mum etc of callin the social. My g/f scared that if the social get involved she will be split from her brother and make her mum worse. Her mums tried suicide before an shes worried it could happen again if her brothers taken away.

I dont know if callin the social will help in the long run due to her mums condition but il look it up.

Thanx a2ltr

[Fester]

If you've already moved out then just cut/ignore all contact as much as possible

[jkhilton]

Cutting contact with someone in your family is alot easier said than done. I have felt like this so many times about my mum, she is an alcoholic. But at the end of the day, she is my mum, family, and this means a lot. Now that I am older, I understand what all the hassles were from when I was 10-14 and I am glad I didn't lose contact with my mum.

You need to talk to your gf's bro and his dad and find out what they want to do about it. Dont go calling the social in without speaking to the affected people first.

[dangermousegsi]

did your mum get any help for her problem?

her step-dad/dad/nan all know that its gone/going on but everyone seems to be burying their heads in the sand.

somone did say to her mum she was drinking far to much an judging by the way ppl dont say it to her she went fuckin ballistic at them.

Her brother is quiet mature for his years(10 i think) an seems to feel obliged to say nufin to try an keep his family together.

[a2lt16v]

you cant cut thethem off just think what that would do to the brother it would destroy him he would feel that you and your girlfriend would be against him and he would end up hating his self and begin to think that its all his fault your g/friend is probably the most important thing to the brother at the moemnt although he would like to admit it as little brothers dont do they. it good that the step dad is there . make sure that he dont leave you do need to have a little meeting some time with bro g/f and step dad and ya self and get everyone to talk about it. even that will help. then when your all straight maybe all hve a word with the mum come straight out with your allnot happy and that see does really need help councilling maybe. offer to all go with her as support as you all wanna help her she cant do it on her own.. she is probably feeling bad abo t herself to but if shes drinking she wont be able to do anything abut it her self. im not sticking up for her but i should think deep down she knows shes doing wrong and wna ts to stop but she will need a expert to help her. i think if i was in that situ i would try and get everyone to open up and talk but its not gonna happenover night

[jkhilton]

My bro eventually said something to my mum and then also convinced me to say something. I think when she realised how much she was hurting me and my bro and what things were like, it opened her eyes. She did cut back drinking a little after that, but she hasn't stopped. The thing is, I think she realised that if she didn't at least try to sort herself out then she would lose me and my bro.

I think sometimes bringing outside help in can agravate the situation and make people do irrational things and this can end up upsetting people even more.

I dont know the whole situation, but from what you have said, you should try to get everyone together and make her talk about things. It wont be easy and there will be a lot of things said that could hurt, trust me! but it will help in the long run.

I really hope it all works out for everyone.

[dangermousegsi]

weekend was lookin good, works pub crawl on friday nite and all was well when i left home on saturday morning to go an see my sister up in bath.

When i got back my g/f seemed to be bothered by sumin an after a couple of questions the story finaly came out.

Her step dad had arrived at our house an said her mum wanted to see her,when she got there she had another unprovoked row with my g/f an im sure by an odd red mark/scratch that she was slapped.

Now im so fuckin livid about the fact that she seems to think she can get away with this that i want blood, i want to scream all kinds of abuse an home truths at this woman that im even statin to scare myself. Ive been angry in the past but ive never experianced pure rage/hate.

I said id had enough and wanted to call social services an have her brother taken away an she said that if i did that shed never forgive me an her mum would top herself, the mood i was in i said "what a great loss that would be", not clever i know.

what do i do? i cant cope with the anger, i cant bear to speak to her mother, i dunno if i can keep supporting my g/f's approch of just let it go,

in short if she wont let me help or help herself what can i do to stop myself goin crazy?

[Dpnova]

Mate just try and keep calm, if thats the way you gf aproaches it there isnt much you can do about it. If you try to step in it may all blow up in your face with your gf having a go at you for interfering, im sorry to hear about it all though

[Ste_Nova]

fuck her off.... your not gonna marry her are you... so finish it now rather than later 8)

[Dpnova]

fcuk her off.... your not gonna marry her are you... so finish it now rather than later 8)

Nice advice, you defo wernt put on this earth to be an agony aunt :P

[dangermousegsi]

i guess the stint with the samaritans didnt work out then ste? :P

it crossed my mind i but couldnt leave sumone in that situation, if i was to leave shed lose the house an she goes back to her mums :(

guess i jus gotta bite my tounge an hold my fists

oh well she'l keep[/quote]