View Full Version : Its great to be a man (if easily offended DO NOT READ)
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
* Your orgasms are real. Always.
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
* Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
* Same work .. more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
* Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
* If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
* People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* One mood, ALL the damn time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
* A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
* You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
* If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
* You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
thinking "He must be mad at me."
* No maxi-pads.
* If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might
become lifelong friends.
* You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
* Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December
24th, in minutes.
* The world is your urinal.
TEN THINGS MEN KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT WOMEN.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10 They have breasts
NoVa_KhAn
04-11-03, 03:07 AM
LOL :D
* Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
Thats me that is, 50 days til i need start my shopping :D
linzTDI
04-11-03, 12:22 PM
mint
* You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Not if the g/f is driving :lol:
part from that all seem to be spot on!
?Marty?
04-11-03, 05:04 PM
Funny! BUT. Just a few comments:
* Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Because men talk out their mouths, and not out their arses.
* Your orgasms are real. Always.
I always like for the woman to come too. As lonmg as she gets it out the way quickly.
* Your last name stays put.
This is old fashioned. Now you can choose either last name, or even pick a new one and register it by deed poll.
* The garage is all yours.
That's because a woman could NEVER get the car in the garage without crashing it. AND. Need to be able to lock the car away from the woman so she doesn't drive and crash it.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
They get taken care of by the hysterical woman who wont let anyone decide on anything, unless it's her deciding.
* You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Unless she's a looker, in which case you lay her FOR him.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Real men dont even need car mechanics.
* You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Because what WE think about ourselves matters more.
* Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
I shave mine.
* Same work .. more pay.
Same task, better outcome.
* Wrinkles add character.
And if it's wrinkly cock, it's 'ribbed for her pleasure'. lol
* You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
If you had a penis you'd understand.
* Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
Or it could be Wedding Dress Rental $5, Tux purchase $10,000. What it is and where it's from matters.
* People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
Deepends on what you're wearing. If you wear something super tight or with half your chest hanging out, dont complain. And women dont get men staring at their crotches if they wear tight pants.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Because men buy shoes that actually fit.
* One mood, ALL the damn time.
Not true. But mens moods don't change for no apparent reason.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
Because men get to the point amd dont talk shit for hours. Though i can talk on the phone for a lot longer than most women. Aii, Marty has shit to talk about too. lol
* A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
Whenever i've gone on holiday i've taken more clothes/larger suitcase than the woman i'm going with.
* You can open all your own jars.
True
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Women are all 'me' 'me' 'me'.
* Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
My underwear is ?30 EACH. Women can get cheap cotton stuff too. And often do, the expensive lingerie is usually bought FOR them BY the men.
* If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Because men are happy with being themselves, and don't depend on another person for happiness. Being in a relationship just for the sake of a relationship isn't the most important thing in life for a man.
* You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Unless a woman is driving, then you will most certainly end u in hospital.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
If you have no style. I have 22 pairs of footwear.
* You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
thinking "He must be mad at me."
Because men arent insecure.
* No maxi-pads.
YEP. :D
* If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
I doubt another at the party would afford/have clothes that i wear. I dont buy shit that's massproduced and available in every highstreet for ?10.
* You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
Not expected, but capable.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Common sense. This might help women - 'righty tighy, lefty loosy'.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
Because they've been previously ironed by a woman, who has natural abilities in all things domestic.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
This is true for the woman, which is why men don't notice when they get a 'new' hairstyle.
I've had more different hairstyles/colours than any of my peers, many of which are women.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
I have a six pack. Though a really BIG belly can hide the feet and penis from the owner too! lol
At least fat men dont have the urge to walk around with midriff baring tops, like all the 'fat and proud' women do.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
Is this from your own personal experience of men?
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
I prefer a manicure.
* Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
And the presents will still be better than the ones it took the woman 3 months to find.
* The world is your urinal.
And we can do it without it runing down our legs if we're not sitting down.
Funny! BUT. Just a few comments:
* Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Because men talk out their mouths, and not out their arses.
LMFAO :lol: :lol:
i now think marty is a woman lol.
woo hoo i have no taste, ive only got 3 pairs of shoes (well technically 2 unless its not raining then 3 lol)
oh btw Kudos to tilly for forewarning the post, good girl :)
Only got 1/2 way Marty, but i got your piont lmao! nothing to do today?
Nice Post Tilly!
jkhilton
04-11-03, 07:24 PM
lmfao! that is quality! :lol: :lol:
MattyWoo
04-11-03, 09:10 PM
* The world is your urinal.
And we can do it without it runing down our legs if we're not sitting down.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!
Nice one Tilly. although martys responce was quite amusing
lmao @ Marty :lol: :lol: quality!
?Marty?
04-11-03, 10:49 PM
Yes, i AM bored today.
Oh and i think i can add to the
TEN THINGS MEN KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT WOMEN. list:
1. They have small feet sp they can get closer to the kitchen sink.
2. They have round hips to help carry the shopping.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts.
dave.gsi
05-11-03, 09:20 AM
This might help women - 'righty tighty, lefty loosy'.
lmfao :lol:
linzTDI
05-11-03, 09:25 AM
:roll:
1. They have small feet sp they can get closer to the kitchen sink.
2. They have round hips to help carry the shopping.
3. Good at multi tasking-(lying and cheating at the same time)
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts
linzTDI
05-11-03, 09:40 AM
i think multi talented would sound better
wisewood
05-11-03, 12:25 PM
3. Good at multi tasking-(lying and cheating at the same time)
Not all of them... and you ahve to remember that women also have an uncanny nack of discovering when you try to lie or keep something a secret. Suprising a woman is easy - all you have to do is do exactly what she asked you to do without arguement. She will be much more pleased by you fixing the bathroom taps than by any amount of jewlery or roses :lol:
nice 1 tilly :D and you must have some time on your hand marty lol :D
1. They have small feet sp they can get closer to the kitchen sink.
2. They have round hips to help carry the shopping.
3. Good at multi tasking-(lying and cheating at the same time)
4. They are NEVER wrong.
5. They are always within their rights to go mad (especially when its that time)
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts
Hey guys i put this up as a retaliation as some girl on this site thought she could go running and get a post removed b4 any other female members had seen it, so just wanted to make a point that we get grief of the guys but we can also give it back.
?Marty?
06-11-03, 12:32 AM
It's cool, don't get your knickers in a twist. lol
linzTDI
06-11-03, 09:10 AM
Hey guys i put this up as a retaliation as some girl on this site thought she could go running and get a post removed b4 any other female members had seen it, so just wanted to make a point that we get grief of the guys but we can also give it back.
Go Tilly!
1. They have small feet sp they can get closer to the kitchen sink.
2. They have round hips to help carry the shopping.
3. Good at multi tasking-(lying and cheating at the same time)
4. They are NEVER wrong.
5. They are always within their rights to go mad (especially when its that time)
6. They will always win the arguments
7. They never forget birthdays e.t.c
8.
9.
10. They have breasts
Puntobabe
07-11-03, 02:18 PM
The garage is all yours. - I'm single at the moment, so the garage is mine :D
Car mechanics tell you the truth. - mine always tell me the truth, they know my whole family and love my car
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. - I dont care either tbh, it's just hair
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. - same here
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. - i dont want a traditional wedding dress, mines only gonna be about ?800 :D
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. - nor do mine, I tend to go for comfort rather than fashion
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. - I have to work on the phones at work, so when I'm at home I dont like using the phone
You can open all your own jars. - I'm usually the person that gets passed kars etc to open them :D
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. - I've only got about 3 pairs of shoes....
.... but also got 3 pairs of knee high boots and about 4 pairs of trainers
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. - I've known the righty-tighty, lefty-losey method for years
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife. - I've given up with my nails, don't care about them anymore.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes. - Hmmm, I've almost finished mine. But I've done most of it over the net, hehe
My god, is that the perfect woman that has posted above me or what???? :P :P :P :lol: :lol:
dan_mk1
07-11-03, 03:48 PM
lol @ marty, you tha man! :lol:
STEVE B
07-11-03, 09:04 PM
very good :lol:
Puntobabe
08-11-03, 05:17 PM
My god, is that the perfect woman that has posted above me or what???? :P :P :P :lol: :lol:
:oops:
Some male mates can't believe I'm single, cause I love footie and cars, and they think I'm good looking :roll: (I personally dont see that part)
But they is no such thing as perfect.
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick
Why are women smarter while their having sex?
They're plugged into a genius.
Why is a woman like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
8) 8) 8) 8)
?Marty?
09-11-03, 06:14 AM
That is damn sexist. But funny. :lol:
My god, is that the perfect woman that has posted above me or what???? :P :P :P :lol: :lol:
:oops:
Some male mates can't believe I'm single, cause I love footie and car, and they think I'm good looking :roll: (I personally dont see that part)
But they is no such thing as perfect.
Pffft I would :wink: :lol:
But can you drink 11 pints like Tilly? :o
im not proving it next weekend breeny cause i barfed after that lot and then drunk 2 bottles of wkd
dan_mk1
10-11-03, 09:09 AM
im not proving it next weekend breeny cause i barfed after that lot and then drunk 2 bottles of wkd
:lol: barfed! classy! :lol:
she sounds ever so common!
Puntobabe
10-11-03, 01:34 PM
Pffft I would :wink: :lol:
But can you drink 11 pints like Tilly? :o
I dont drink beer, it's a mans drink. I like vodka myself. I can have a fair few of those :)
I forsee a Breeny Vs PuntoBabe drinkng contest in the near future!!!
Someone get the pics and post 'em if it happens!!
:twisted:
Dare-devil
10-11-03, 03:06 PM
LMFAO... :lol:
Good 1 Tilly :wink:
Well im a woman and i drink Lager not beer.
Cant stand these woosey alco pops.
Im not fukin common in the slightest cheeky git
I forsee a Breeny Vs PuntoBabe drinkng contest in the near future!!!
Someone get the pics and post 'em if it happens!!
Na she would probably drink me under the table!
Although I'm well up for a challenge :wink:
Next week would be perfect, going out for my 21st on Saturday in MK if your up to the challenge Claire :P
I'll do it aswell Breeny :wink:
3some eh...
Not another one! :lol:
4 some cause your mates there aswell
nooooo that makes 5 we'll certainly have ur parents awake then lol
lol...
Looks like i'll have to tell them to go away for the weekend 8 :wink:
when u gonna do this contest? this sat? i would enter but i would make u look silly u drinking only 11 pints and all
Puntobabe
11-11-03, 02:00 PM
I forsee a Breeny Vs PuntoBabe drinkng contest in the near future!!!
Someone get the pics and post 'em if it happens!!
Na she would probably drink me under the table!
Although I'm well up for a challenge :wink:
Next week would be perfect, going out for my 21st on Saturday in MK if your up to the challenge Claire :P
I dont do drinking games, they are for kids.
Yeh Tilly... grow up and stop being such a kid! :o
jkhilton
11-11-03, 02:11 PM
I dont do drinking games, they are for kids.
lmao! I just had visions of my little bro and his mates sat around a table drinking shots of tequila!!!! (he's 6 by the way) lmfao!!
:lol: :roll:
linzTDI
11-11-03, 02:13 PM
well i dont think theres anything wrong with a few drinking games at a party
Nova-Flair
11-11-03, 04:23 PM
gotta love drinking games..........im just a big kid really :(
LMAO!!! How long did it take you to reply to all these!!! LMAO!!!
Funny! BUT. Just a few comments:
* Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Because men talk out their mouths, and not out their arses.
* Your orgasms are real. Always.
I always like for the woman to come too. As lonmg as she gets it out the way quickly.
* Your last name stays put.
This is old fashioned. Now you can choose either last name, or even pick a new one and register it by deed poll.
* The garage is all yours.
That's because a woman could NEVER get the car in the garage without crashing it. AND. Need to be able to lock the car away from the woman so she doesn't drive and crash it.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
They get taken care of by the hysterical woman who wont let anyone decide on anything, unless it's her deciding.
* You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Unless she's a looker, in which case you lay her FOR him.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Real men dont even need car mechanics.
* You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Because what WE think about ourselves matters more.
* Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
I shave mine.
* Same work .. more pay.
Same task, better outcome.
* Wrinkles add character.
And if it's wrinkly c**k, it's 'ribbed for her pleasure'. lol
* You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
If you had a penis you'd understand.
* Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
Or it could be Wedding Dress Rental $5, Tux purchase $10,000. What it is and where it's from matters.
* People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
Deepends on what you're wearing. If you wear something super tight or with half your chest hanging out, dont complain. And women dont get men staring at their crotches if they wear tight pants.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Because men buy shoes that actually fit.
* One mood, ALL the damn time.
Not true. But mens moods don't change for no apparent reason.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
Because men get to the point amd dont talk s**t for hours. Though i can talk on the phone for a lot longer than most women. Aii, Marty has s**t to talk about too. lol
* A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
Whenever i've gone on holiday i've taken more clothes/larger suitcase than the woman i'm going with.
* You can open all your own jars.
True
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Women are all 'me' 'me' 'me'.
* Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
My underwear is ?30 EACH. Women can get cheap cotton stuff too. And often do, the expensive lingerie is usually bought FOR them BY the men.
* If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Because men are happy with being themselves, and don't depend on another person for happiness. Being in a relationship just for the sake of a relationship isn't the most important thing in life for a man.
* You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Unless a woman is driving, then you will most certainly end u in hospital.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
If you have no style. I have 22 pairs of footwear.
* You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
thinking "He must be mad at me."
Because men arent insecure.
* No maxi-pads.
YEP. :D
* If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
I doubt another at the party would afford/have clothes that i wear. I dont buy s**t that's massproduced and available in every highstreet for ?10.
* You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
Not expected, but capable.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Common sense. This might help women - 'righty tighy, lefty loosy'.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
Because they've been previously ironed by a woman, who has natural abilities in all things domestic.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
This is true for the woman, which is why men don't notice when they get a 'new' hairstyle.
I've had more different hairstyles/colours than any of my peers, many of which are women.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
I have a six pack. Though a really BIG belly can hide the feet and penis from the owner too! lol
At least fat men dont have the urge to walk around with midriff baring tops, like all the 'fat and proud' women do.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
Is this from your own personal experience of men?
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
I prefer a manicure.
* Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
And the presents will still be better than the ones it took the woman 3 months to find.
* The world is your urinal.
And we can do it without it runing down our legs if we're not sitting down.
Yeh Tilly... grow up and stop being such a kid! :o
feck off lily
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