joke

[gteben]

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey.*The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.*He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your Monkey just did?""No, what?""He just ate the cue ball off my pool table...whole!""Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the Monkey ate and left.Two weeks later the guy came back, and had his monkey with him.** He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar.**The Monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar.*He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.*Then the monkey found a peanut, and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it.**The bartender asked, "Did you see what your monkey just did?""No, what?" replied the man."Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!""Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.* "He will eat anything, but ever since he had to crap out that cue ball, he measures everything first."

[gteben]

A man tells his doctor his wife hasn't wanted sex for months, and the doctor suggests a consultation with her.*So the wife comes into surgery and tells the doctor: ‘Every morning, I take a cab to work. I never have any cash on me, and the driver always asks: ‘So, are you going to paytoday, or what?’*And I take the ‘Or what’ option.*‘That means I'm late getting to work, where the boss asks me: ‘So, are we going to make a note of your poor time-keeping, or what?’*And I take the ‘or what’.*‘So by the time I get home, I'm tired out and I don't want any more sex.’*The doctor pauses then asks: ‘So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?’**

[gteben]

The Difference Between CRAZY and STUPID**One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Hospital.He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home.He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.One patient happened to walk past andAsked the driver what happened.The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do,He told the patient the whole incident.The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem...No wonder you are destined to be a truck driver...""Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and**fix it onto this tyre.*Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace themissing ones, easy as that".The driver was very impressed and asked: "You're so smart but why are youhere at the Mental Hospital?"*Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"**"LOVE ME THE MOST WHEN I DESERVE IT THE LEAST BECAUSETHAT IS WHEN I NEED IT THE MOST."

[Alex J]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRw_OjQvNjrqbR-m-ClFN1fdar1SzdAKbkHa7xnlVQVJIFHBwJ5Rw

[gteben]

The Funeral Procession**A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when heNoticed*a*most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.**A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearseAbout 50 feet behind the first one.**Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.**Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.**The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the manWalking the dog & said: "I am so sorry for your loss, & this may be a badTime to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"**"My wife's."*''What happened to her?"**The man replied: "My dog attacked & killed her"**He inquired further: "But who is in the second hearse?"**The man answered: "My mother-in-law.She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."**A poignant & thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.**"Can I borrow the dog?"**The man replied:* ''Join the queue.

[L14MNP]

Get a life man. Sad sack. lol

[gteben]

Well I tryed lol

[8valve-craig]

I have a joke.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

[mowgli]

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/1158287/tumbleweed-o.gif

[8valve-craig]

Damn you.

[mowgli]

ps its a carrot...

[8valve-craig]

Yeeeahhh, Bet you googled it. lol

[Alex J]

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/1158287/tumbleweed-o.giflol

[Jack]

http://www.hiraseo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/annoyed_laugh_walk_away_Jim_Carrey.gif

[mowgli]

Yeeeahhh, Bet you googled it. lol

no, peter kay has been telling it for about 10 years now.......