View Full Version : Best thing you've ever said to a Shop Assistant...
Chris LR
05-08-03, 03:17 PM
We've all been served by the trainee, old, frail and down right stupid shop assistants, but whats the Best thing you've ever said to em....?
Went In search of some Tyres for my Dad.
Kwik-Fit said ?230 for 2 (very rare size and big)
Hi-Q said ?180 each for exactly the same tyres, I replied "I'm Sorry you don't understand, I didn't want to hear a joke, I wanted to hear a competitive price for those tyres"
This was in a waiting room with 5-6 people in, they all looked at me, then at the woman to see what she'd say.
She Replied "Well if you think you can do any better get lost" I explained the situation at Kwik-Fit and Left her speachless at the Desk.
lol :lol: :lol:
wisewood
05-08-03, 04:29 PM
hang on - did you say that at kwikfit or at HiQ coz it sounds to me like you said it at the place where you got the lowest quote :lol:
dont really know what i might have said to assistants / shop stff - i have been a right ignorant tw*t in my time though.
u said it LOL
NO OFFENCE MEANT
wisewood
05-08-03, 04:43 PM
lmfao - of course not Tilly - wouldnt be like you to be offensive towards me would it :lol:
:roll:
i only give em crap if there incompetant or purposely useless. not there fualt they cant set prices or find staff from nowhere if its busy. but had some right knoobheads before now.
got a part for my bike (?85) and when i got it out he box it was bent, took it bk and the retard bent it straight out the back and came bk with the same 1. after i spoted the weak spot on it where he had bent it back i gave him an earful told him shuv the derailer up his 4rse
lol
was with 2 friends when they were booking their summer hiliday two years ago.
salesman was giveing them the sell for various places, started saying stuff like:
'this place has wonderful architecture, and beautiful scenery'
and
'This place has a history dating back to the romans' or whatever...
Stuff like that
My friend (the cheeky-straight to the point git that he is) turned and said
'listen mate, we arent going on a f*cking sightseeing trip- we are going to get some c*nt and get laid' :o :!:
he sorted a decent holiday after that was said....lol
:lol: 8) :o
madness :lol:
18-30 by the sounds of it
Hahaha yeah Tilly!
I had an agument on the weekend in halfords with the ripspeed *cough* specialists! tellin me i didnt no wot i was on about when i wanted my backbox lmfao! :roll:
a few times i have said "your not paid enough for the bollocking thats about to be dealt out, go get someone who is", got a puzzeld look each time, but they then scurried off to find the supervisor. I think i said that to the supervisor once too so he had to go get mr manager.
they were legitimate gripes about faulty/promised things.
If the shops are semi busy and im not getting served/helped by someone who obviously has nothing to do I stand there huffing and saying, "Well i dont really want to buy a product and the staff get commission", its funny how many of then sprint up to you
only posh shops work comission related. Harrods anyone
the only thing i can remember is at maccys the other day for some reason when we went threw the drive threw and asked for a large big mac meal he sed supersize so me m8 sed no if i wanted super size i would of asked for it now wouldnt i in the end we got wot we wanted and ended up throwing the ketchup back at em as we left lol
Try asking for a big mac at buger king....nice response..... :lol:
Or a cheeseburger with no cheese :?
That confuses our sweatty spotty till man lol
dave.gsi
06-08-03, 12:28 AM
lol or a burger with 'non of that crap you shove on them all'.
it sends the whole restraunt into meltdown. they can't get their stupid tiny brains around anything which isn't on the menu. after twenty minutes of waiting you get a cold burger with shite on it :twisted:
my mate is a bit slow and dumb, in a nice way, he went on his work experience at a local garage near me, now with him being a bit slow, the mechanics played a joke on him, one of the guys started to cough, so another mechanic said, 'u alright mate, u want something from chemist for that' they sent my mate there and told him to say to the women behind the counter,
'my mates got a sore throat, i was wondering if you've got a 'cunnylingus' you can give me to sooth it for him'
He atcualy went and did it! woman behind the counter gave him a funny look and said she hasn't got any.
was collecting from a food factory once the bloke on the weighbridge need to know what was on the van before i went into him (for food contamination reasons) hadn't had anything on there since it was all steam cleaned out so told him glider engines an fuel, he went loopy tellin me that foodstuffs couldn't be loaded with fuel an was about to kick me off site when i had to drop a hint to him that gliders don't have engines an air is the fuel
the redness in his cheeks an the look on his face said it all! :lol:
wisewood
06-08-03, 11:37 AM
lmfao @ dave - thats ace!!!
I work part time in sainsburys to pay for my student life, and these days i really dont give a flying fook about getting sacked or anything, so i am getting more and more cheeky.
About a month ago i was having a bad day at work when a customer had asked for some advice on wine. I had shown them a few bottles which i recommended and for each one I got the response "Thats cheaper down Safeways". After the third bottle i was a little pissed off so when she said it i replied with "Well do you know what. Piss off down Safeway then and leave me alone". She picked up the bottle of wine and left in silence. :lol: .
wisewood
06-08-03, 12:02 PM
pmsl. can imagine you doing that you know - with a really stern look on your face then laughing to yourself about it all afternoon :lol:
the other way around - working behind the bar once had this customer come to the bar and was being loud and demanding i served him first so i served everyone else around him and avoinded him for 10 minutes.
Then when i did walk up to him to serve him he was obnoxious and said "about f**king time too, 2 pints of fosters" so i leaned forward to his face and said just a sec we're out of fosters..." then i pressed the panic button beneath the bar and stood back watching for the doormen.
Sure enough moments later theny came barging through the crowds of people and i just held my arm in the air - pointed at him and they just bulldozed him outta the building.
They came back, asked what the problem was so i said "he was a tw*t" and they approved, but then they would, they tend to like throwing people around a bit.
lol @ NOva, iv sent our work experiance kids here ther n every where!
In work we do Weight tests, to see if a lift is able to take the load, search for defects e.t.c, ne wat, i had 1 on a big crane, so i sent him into the coachbuilders next door for a long wait, he went next door, asked 4 a long wait, 20 mins l8er, hez struggling with a huge piece of steel, so i sed we need the longer wait, by this time i had finnised my work, so he goes bak in, asks for a longer wait, 30 mins l8er, hez got a bigger piece of steel!
The things i do 2 keep myself amused!
:roll:
long wait, that is the classic. along with a skirting board ladder and chequered paint
Chris LR
07-08-03, 12:22 AM
Long Wait what a Classic, Guy at college once got told to find a long wait. Never saw him again that day
Excellent! - Anyone got a bucket of sparks please? :lol:
Glass hammer :lol:
Used 4 replacing windows :wink:
A pair of front shocks for my Reliant.
RobIsGrt18
07-08-03, 09:09 PM
im on commision and try to help everyone, if it is busy tho u cant always help every single person, u do get a lot of crap of peeps i mean it aint my fault if i dont kno every little thing bout every fecking product!! the worse is when u have no stock!! saying that most peeps are reasonable esp when they give me ?4000 sales :lol: :P !!
best one I heard was a guy who ordered about 10 drinks from this swanky pub - bill came to about ?50!
He replied "feck arff yer having a laugh arent you!"
Barwoman said "er - I'll just recheck" - turned her back to the till
Bloke says "sod that for a game of soldiers!" and walks off - left the pub with his mates! without paying
Barwoman turns back and he's gone!
:D :o :D
She geta a kickin from the boss!
:x
wisewood
08-08-03, 02:11 PM
working with a a mate once i heard someone send some scrawny little kid off to find an extension lead for a cordless drill... and he duely plodded off to find one.
When i stared a short contract at a factory one of the guys asked me to go to stores and get a long wait, so i duely asked him if he wanted it painting in tartan paint. his look of joy at me getting ready to go look a muppet soon went as i gave him that reply lol.
my mate sent a work experience guy from one all sports store to another to get a bag of nike air, air LMAO when he got back with a bag he was told it was the wrong stuff as he had got rebok air lol.
or try telling someone to make their laptop lighter by deleteing files ;)
wisewood
08-08-03, 02:45 PM
reducing the resolution to reduce weight - because theres less pixels on the screen of course.
cunning
also letting the battery run flat is good too
I ha d comments in the bar:-
1 pound a pint on tap
1.10 for 1/2 a coke! WTF!!!!!
2.10 pint of coke! WTF!
2.50 bottle of carlsberg WTF!
2.20/2.50 for other bottled drinks!
Moaning old Foddy gits lol
Nova-Flair
10-08-03, 02:56 PM
i went to McDonalds the other week, was ordering my meal and asked for coke with it.
to which i got the reply 'we dont have any coke at the minute would u like another drink with it'
so i was thinking for a bit and she started goin thru the drinks they had.
in my head i had decided on a fizzy fanta but of course just as i started sayin fizzy fanta she did and it ended up coming out as 'fizzy fanny' to which she started laffing her tits off and said 'i havent heard it called that before!!' :lol:
Chris LR
10-08-03, 07:11 PM
You should have Kept with it and demanded a Fizzy Fanny right there and then on the counter
:roll:
Nova-Flair
11-08-03, 06:32 PM
he he a standard fanny with a sparkler sticking out of it :lol:
but then again its McDonalds non of the meat is good quality there :wink:
he he a standard fanny with a sparkler sticking out of it :lol:
but then again its McDonalds non of the meat is good quality there :wink:
Oh great thanks, now I'll never eat there again!! :lol:
i found halfords today cos i saw an add in some mag that they mix paint into aerosols so i rang em and...
me. hi ya m8 ive seen that u mix paint into aerosols
other bloke. yeah m8 wot colour are u lookin for
me. alfa rosso
bloke. so wot make of car is that for
me. errr alfa rosso
bloke. and wot colour is it u want
me. rosso red
i felt like saying hence why i sed at first i want alfa rosso wot a dosey muppet
cunning
also letting the battery run flat is good too
So if you tie a knot in a bit of rope does that make it heavier too!?!?
:D
Of course it does Ade, what a slly question. :lol: :lol:
Tie two knots and it's twice as heavy.
wisewood
12-08-03, 10:15 AM
tieing a knot in a piece of rope does actually make it heavier - it really does.
you try it - hold the rope, feel the weight, then knot it and hold the knot - much heavier.
it does if you hold the knot as the the presure on your hand is increased. however the mass is not increased ;)
wisewood
12-08-03, 11:09 AM
:D well done dicko - nice to see someone else paid attention in physics :lol:
Evolution
13-08-03, 03:48 AM
Ok, this isnt what ive said to shop assistant, but what ive said to customers. Im an assistant in Global Video. its a fun job with crap pay so i dont care too much about getting fired.
We always always get customers moaning about "this dvd jumped" only to look at the dvd and see it has all sorts of muck on it.
My answers to them tend to involve Mr. Hanky.
"take mr hanky, and give mr dvd a careful wipe to get rid of those big grubby fingers prints, and place gently into mr dvd player. enjoy your film."
Other times you get really irrate customers demanding a refund for an ex rental film or whatever, and we dont do refunds unless the film is faulty, we wont swap it for a different title. This arguement ends up in the customer shouting "This is rediculous, i demand to speak to the manager"
And i say with a smile on my face "I am the manager, how can i help?"
Im not really the manager - but the manager is never on when i am so whats the harm?
That'll be the Global in Leven then?
And yer Nova will be the tidy little H-plater that sits in the car park at the shorehead?
Certainly is a couple of tidy little nova's running around at the minute
Gibby
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