epo
03-08-03, 06:19 PM
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a "Cheers
for the sex - now f*ck off" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in
leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the televised
football, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the
ball goes out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an
acceptable response to "I love you."
12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be boss of the
company.
13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse
for absence and/or poor time keeping.
14. Lifeguards could remove females from beaches for violating
the "Public Ugliness" law.
15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
17. "Fancy a shag?" would be the only chat up line in existence and it
would work every time.
18. Everyone would drive at least 80mph and anyone driving under that
would be fined.
19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in
strippers for the duration of those breaks.
20. Saying "Lets have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your
wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!!"
21. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
22. Everyone would own a real Light Sabre. Any disagreements would be
settled with a fight to the death (or the loss of a hand)
23. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more
attractive to the opposite sex.
24. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to
slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.
for the sex - now f*ck off" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in
leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the televised
football, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the
ball goes out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an
acceptable response to "I love you."
12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be boss of the
company.
13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse
for absence and/or poor time keeping.
14. Lifeguards could remove females from beaches for violating
the "Public Ugliness" law.
15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
17. "Fancy a shag?" would be the only chat up line in existence and it
would work every time.
18. Everyone would drive at least 80mph and anyone driving under that
would be fined.
19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in
strippers for the duration of those breaks.
20. Saying "Lets have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your
wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!!"
21. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
22. Everyone would own a real Light Sabre. Any disagreements would be
settled with a fight to the death (or the loss of a hand)
23. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more
attractive to the opposite sex.
24. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to
slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.