View Full Version : Offside rule explained (to girls)
Explaining the offside rule to women...
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.
Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.
Congratulations - You have just learned the offside rule!
The end confused me lol
But I think i'v got it. :thumb: Not that I particularly watch footie anyway.
The end confused me lol
But I think i'v got it. :thumb: Not that I particularly watch footie anyway.
The end is the 'confusing' part. lol
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0bvyZMrZ9k/TOCfsEh3tpI/AAAAAAAAF50/yL5mmD90QQM/s1600/women+know+your+place.png
Actually now i'm attempting to think about it in football terms, I still don't get it lol
I know lads who dont understand the offside rule.
Absolutely disgraceful
TeddyThom
26-01-11, 01:33 PM
Flol
I know lads who dont understand the offside rule.
Absolutely disgraceful
are they all professional footballers???
are they all professional footballers???
It matters not.
Actually now i'm attempting to think about it in football terms, I still don't get it lol
An attacking player is offside if:
1. He is in the opposition's half AND
2. There is less than TWO defensive players between him and the goal line (inc. the goalie) AND
3. The player is ahead of the ball (i.e. doesn't have posession of the ball)
Bear in mind that if you have possession of the ball, you're "behind" it. So, for example, if you receive the ball whilst onside, then manouever so that only one defender is between you and the goal line you're not offside. There's a couple of other little foibles, but thats the main of it.
Its not the rule thats hard to understand, its the fact most football-oriented oafs are usually so anal about making the "sport" complex and ingenious that they try to over-complicate it when they explain it.
An attacking player is offside if:
1. He is in the opposition's half AND
2. There is less than TWO defensive players between him and the goal line (inc. the goalie) AND
3. The player is ahead of the ball (i.e. doesn't have posession of the ball)
Bear in mind that if you have possession of the ball, you're "behind" it. So, for example, if you receive the ball whilst onside, then manouever so that only one defender is between you and the goal line you're not offside. There's a couple of other little foibles, but thats the main of it.
Its not the rule thats hard to understand, its the fact most football-oriented oafs are usually so anal about making the "sport" complex and ingenious that they try to over-complicate it when they explain it.
Now that I understand. It's much easier to try and understand it in football terms rather then in terms that have nothing to do with it lol
I spend a lot of my day explaining technical computery stuff to non-technical people. I spent 20 mins explaining networking to someone earlier. So I'm quite good at explaining stuff lol
Computer stuff is relatively simple when you think about it logically. Same as offside, its a simple logic rule with a set of conditions.
http://strihs.com/images/shirts/large/im-confused-oh-wait-maybe-im-not.jpg
I spend a lot of my day explaining technical computery stuff to non-technical people. I spent 20 mins explaining networking to someone earlier. So I'm quite good at explaining stuff lol
Computer stuff is relatively simple when you think about it logically. Same as offside, its a simple logic rule with a set of conditions.
It helps when it's told plainly and not using irrelavant things. One of my friends tried to explain it using salt and pepper pots which confused the hell out of me...as did the purse throwing and shoes lol
http://strihs.com/images/shirts/large/im-confused-oh-wait-maybe-im-not.jpg
Oh hello non technical person. Have you crashed Vista today? Have a cookie :)
http://www.offside-ref.co.uk/laws/11-offside-rule/detailed/
the above makes it clear
Oh hello spending another weekend at home person. :d
Southie
26-01-11, 03:27 PM
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f4WI8ZWOCUo/RjmVR_J_b7I/AAAAAAAAAlI/o1h0LVVcxgw/s400/image_145476.jpg
The purse and shoes is a situation you can relate to though. lol
Hoochie
26-01-11, 03:44 PM
The purse and shoes is a situation you can relate to though. lol
I sort of knew anyway, but ^^^^^^^^ is much easier to understand than the technical way....lollol
The purse and shoes is a situation you can relate to though. lol
I can relate to shoes and purses but I can't relate shoes, purses and football into the same thing lol
I understand the offside rule but dont understand how 1 women needs 700 pairs of shoes and 100 bags cluttering up the walk in wardrobelollollol
any stereotypically girlie things you boys need explaining? Difference between leggings, treggings and jeggings for example . . . Sorry. Bad example. Thats obvious.
I understand the offside rule but dont understand how 1 women needs 700 pairs of shoes and 100 bags cluttering up the walk in wardrobelollollol
Because some shoes just don't go with certain outfits! So then you need a pair of shoes that will go with that outfit. Plus you need going out shoes, comfy shoes, exercising shoes, summer shoes and winter shoes lol It all adds up.
I went shopping with Yorkie and the woman in front of us was buying 14 pairs of shoes!!!
any stereotypically girlie things you boys need explaining? Difference between leggings, treggings and jeggings for example . . . Sorry. Bad example. Thats obvious.
What on earth are treggings?
I understand the offside rule but dont understand how 1 women needs 700 pairs of shoes and 100 bags cluttering up the walk in wardrobelollollol a girl needs a pair of shoes for every occassion. :-) and then she clearly needs a matching bag. Easy. And treggings are the trouser legging. Ha ha
Birds have enough fashion choices, what with nicking everything a man could ever call his own and then bringing out their own variant. There's no need to add to the mix with made up words like the above. lol
Although some of it can look sexy on the right woman. Wet look leggings ftw. lol
Birds have enough fashion choices, what with nicking everything a man could ever call his own and then bringing out their own variant. There's no need to add to the mix with made up words like the above. lol
Although some of it can look sexy on the right woman. Wet look leggings ftw. lol
Wet look leggings only work if your a stick! I've had the scary site of my mum trying to pull them off (shes about a size 18) and I have never been so scarred in my life lol
Wet look leggings only work if your a stick! I've had the scary site of my mum trying to pull them off (shes about a size 18) and I have never been so scarred in my life lol
Hope she doesnt see this and what youve been saying lollollollol
Hope she doesnt see this and what youve been saying lollollollol
I hope she does...she may get the picture!! lol
She seems to think she's about 19 and about 5 sizes smaller then she actually is. The amount of times shes tried squeezing into my clothes is just scary.
Get her on Snog Marry Avoid! lol
I hope she does...she may get the picture!! lol
She seems to think she's about 19 and about 5 sizes smaller then she actually is. The amount of times shes tried squeezing into my clothes is just scary.
But you're like, half the size of my teenage sister lol
I hope she does...she may get the picture!! lol
She seems to think she's about 19 and about 5 sizes smaller then she actually is. The amount of times shes tried squeezing into my clothes is just scary.
lollollol Thats a bit harsh ........ but funny!:p
But you're like, half the size of my teenage sister lol
Which is why its just so scary and funny lol I was rather amused the last time I saw her as I was saying that my jeans felt a bit tight and she told me she would lend me a pair of hers but i'd be too big for them :eek: lol
Hoochie
26-01-11, 04:17 PM
Birds have enough fashion choices, what with nicking everything a man could ever call his own and then bringing out their own variant. There's no need to add to the mix with made up words like the above. lol
Although some of it can look sexy on the right woman. Wet look leggings ftw. lol
Hahaha, i for one love my boyfriend style jeans and boxers style underwear. .....:d
But then i'm not really a girly girl, i live in jeans or combats, only use 1 bag for everything ( have a nice collection but cba to change over when i go out) i find wearing heels hurt my balls,
i find wearing heels hurt my balls,
Suppose to wear them on your feet.
Hahaha, i for one love my boyfriend style jeans and boxers style underwear. .....:d
But then i'm not really a girly girl, i live in jeans or combats, only use 1 bag for everything ( have a nice collection but cba to change over when i go out) i find wearing heels hurt my balls,
I think your wearing them in the wrong place then and also not telling us something? :wtf:lol
Hahaha, i for one love my boyfriend style jeans and boxers style underwear. .....:d
But then i'm not really a girly girl, i live in jeans or combats, only use 1 bag for everything ( have a nice collection but cba to change over when i go out) i find wearing heels hurt my balls,
You're not kidding. lol :wtf:
[edit] Beaten again by Tanya! lol
I think your wearing them in the wrong place then and also not telling us something? :wtf:lol
Too slow! :d
And Limplamp is slower than most :p
Too slow! :d
And Limplamp is slower than most :p
She and I spelled correctly though! :p
Same time too. :thumb:
You're not kidding. lol :wtf:
[edit] Beaten again by Tanya! lol
I apologise. :p
Hoochie
26-01-11, 04:22 PM
Suppose to wear them on your feet.
The balls of my feet...sorry, it's a joke between me and my mate back in Newcastle. :)
The balls of my feet...sorry, it's a joke between me and my mate back in Newcastle. :)
Ah ha......that makes sense!lollollollollol
I apologise. :p
You're just too quick. Isn't is usually the bloke that has that issue? [leaves it open for common username related joke to be mentioned].
You're just too quick. Isn't is usually the bloke that has that issue? [leaves it open for common username related joke to be mentioned].
Only for you in this instance!!!!:p
You're just too quick. Isn't is usually the bloke that has that issue? [leaves it open for common username related joke to be mentioned].
Being on maternity leave is leaving me with far to much free time lol
I'll be nice and refrain from jokes :thumb:
I'll be nice and refrain from jokes :thumb:
Thats no fun!!lollollol
I'll be nice and refrain from jokes :thumb:
I'm not here cos it's soft and cuddly lol! If you got stuff to say then say it. I'm a big boy. lol
I'm not here cos it's soft and cuddly lol! If you got stuff to say then say it. I'm a big boy. lol
Leaving yourself open for more jokes lol:p
-Only just noticed the big mama bit lol
She and I spelled correctly though! :p
Same time too. :thumb:
Er actually, mine is spelled fine? And that'd be "you're" on Tanyas post.
Disappointing retort lol
Er actually, mine is spelled fine? And that'd be "you're" on Tanyas post.
Disappointing retort lol
n00b. I thought you were at university. Clearly never studied English language. lol
Your, as in ownership, as in they are her feet. I'm failing to see your issue lol
Why has my mistake been bought into this lol
Your, as in ownership, as in they are her feet. I'm failing to see your issue lol
Cos (yeah I know that one) maybe it's because you're a muppet? lol
Leave Tanya of this, you picked up on her error and refuse to acknowledge your own. lol
Cos (yeah I know that one) maybe it's because you're a muppet? lol
Leave Tanya of this, you picked up on her error and refuse to acknowledge your own. lol
Ahem? Sorry, had to point it out :p
Typing fast and eating me tea.
There's another MASSIVE error in it too! lol
That's what I get for sticking up for you eh! :P There was me initially thinking you were on the rag beacuse I omitted your full stop. lol
Typing fast and eating me tea.
There's another MASSIVE error in it too! lol
That's what I get for sticking up for you eh! :P There was me initially thinking you were on the rag beacuse I omitted your full stop. lol
Typing fast and eating me tea.
There's another MASSIVE error in it too! lol
That's what I get for sticking up for you eh! :P There was me initially thinking you were on the rag beacuse I omitted your full stop. lol
:p
Thankyou for sticking up for me lol:thumb:
Hoochie
26-01-11, 05:15 PM
Typing fast and eating me tea.
There's another MASSIVE error in it too! lol
That's what I get for sticking up for you eh! :P There was me initially thinking you were on the rag beacuse I omitted your full stop. lol
Typing fast and eating me tea.
There's another MASSIVE error in it too! lol
That's what I get for sticking up for you eh! :P There was me initially thinking you were on the rag beacuse I omitted your full stop. lol
Hitting submit too fast also!!....couldn't resist either...:p
Hitting submit too fast also!!....couldn't resist either...:p
lol;):thumb:
Cos (yeah I know that one) maybe it's because you're a muppet? lol
Leave Tanya of this, you picked up on her error and refuse to acknowledge your own. lol
I now see my error, and you're right I'm no english student lol
Did somebody mention SHOES?!?!?!? :d :d :d Hello ladies :d :d :d
and lol at original post!
Hello ladies :d :d :d
http://www.emotionless.co.uk/emotes/a/think2.gif
Oh hello spending another weekend at home person. :d
I wish! Working tomorrow, Craig's Friday, off on a jolly with Dan and Lee Sunday. I'm sure I can figure out something to do on Saturday to keep me occupied as well!
I know lads who dont understand the offside rule.
Absolutely disgraceful
I don't.
Because football is a load of bollocks.
Im surprised it took this long for the correct reply to be added. :thumb:
Now darts... there's a sport of champions.
lol @ the gays in this thread.
Hoochie
27-01-11, 04:22 PM
lol @ the gays in this thread.
Oi......i'm not gay!!.....:)
Oi......i'm not gay!!.....:)
Isn't this a permaban offence round here?
Isn't this a permaban offence round here?
Don't panic just cos she doesn't have a c0ck mate, maybe she will stick a couple of fingers up there instead?
lol @ the gays in this thread.
How rude! :cry: Although as your also part of the thread does that make you one too? :d
Hoochie
27-01-11, 04:28 PM
Don't panic just cos she doesn't have a c0ck mate, maybe she will stick a couple of fingers up there instead?
I could be persuaded.............:p
oh no!!!!......did i just say that out aloud??
Taxi for Hoochie.........:)
Will cos a few bit to get from there to mine. Hope you're worth it. lol
Hoochie
27-01-11, 04:38 PM
Will cos a few bit to get from there to mine. Hope you're worth it. lol
Nooooooooooooo you'd have to pay me to enter the delightful Sunderland!!...lol:plol
I live in Durham lol. Sunderland is my team!
I'll show you my magnificent cathedral. lol
Hoochie
27-01-11, 04:42 PM
I'll show you my magnificent cathedral. lol
I've seen it...............wasn't that impressed.:d:d
I live in Durham lol. Sunderland is my team!
I'll show you my magnificent cathedral. lol
lollollol
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