12 yr old boys.....advice please.

[Hoochie]

Does anyone have any at home that are simply horrible and out of control, I am at a loss what to do with mine, he refuses point blank to do as he is told. In fact he goes out of his way to do the opposite.. he takes great pleasure in battering his younger disabled sister, his foul mouth is getting everyone down.

Today he came home from school and as usual thought it would be fun to bang his drumsticks off his sisters head, this got him a dig from her which in turn ended with him calling her a cnut which rendered me speechless as i then had my innocent daughter repeat this word ( that she has no clue is naughty) to me as she was telling tales.

Is this something he will grow out of or is he simply just a little sh!t?....

[General Baxter]

erm just smack him!

[Danny s-p]

yep smack him i was less cheeky after getting a smack for been a little ****

[Bubba]

erm just smack him!

+1

i use to get that if i was a little sh1t...

[General Baxter]

and if he goes to his teacher or child line, smack him harder,

did a smack do you any harm, no, did it do me any harm no, i might have to a little arroused, but thats another story lol

just ****ing beat the living **** out of him lol

[Andy]

Smacking doesnt work,when i was 12 i was hitting my dad back.By 14 i was fighting blokes so i dont think smacking works at all lol
I would take xbox/ps3 or whatever off him.Just make life a misery for bad behaviour and then reward for good.
I turned into a proper little bastad me,in the cells every other week from 14-19 and i can see now where my rents went wrong with me.
So i wont let the same happen to my kids.

[General Baxter]

when i was 12 i was larger/taller then my mother, she just used crowbars then

[Hoochie]

God i'd be locked up if anyone knew how much he does get smacked, he comes back with..." is that the best you can do?".... or " is that meant to hurt?"
Smacking him really does not bother him. He is slowly turning into a little chav, with no morals, and not a care in the world, he thinks he can do exactly as he pleases, and anyone who gets in his way just gets crap.

If this is just a phase he's going through then i can maybe put up with it for a bit longer... although after 2 years it does get frustrating.

[mowgli]

i'm afraid he needs some ritual public humiliation, being a teenager is cobblers, it really isn't anything to do with hormones etc... before james dean etc, there was no such thing as being a teenager, there were children & there were adults. that was it...

my middle daughter was sat at the dinner table one night with her best friend & laughingly announced that her dinner smelled like dog poo, which probably sounded really funny in the school canteen. within 30 seconds she was carried upstairs & put into bed for the rest of the night, and i took her friend home after she had eaten her dinner.... my daughter has never done anything like that again

[General Baxter]

use weapons then

lock it in the shed for a few hours, it will calm down, treat it like a pet lol

[Spudly]

Take everything off him, his playstation if he has one, bike if he has one, that sort of thing, ground him and dont allow him tv or pocket money or anything like that, until he decides to show some respect leave him in his room with fook all!

[Tanya.]

Oh dear. It seems to be a day for people saying about their boys. A friend was telling me about how she keeps catching her 10 year old watching stuff he shouldn't online..and showing his little sister.

My younger brother used to be the same, although he sort of had a reason as he's autistic and has ADD, my dad used to wallop him and then kick him out of the house for a few hours with nowhere to go. Would only ever work for a few days though and then he'd be back to normal.

Also agree with Spud and Mowgli. Take everything away from him, don't allow him any treats and publically humiliate him...always worked with me when I was being a little terror lol

[Andy]

God i'd be locked up if anyone knew how much he does get smacked, he comes back with..." is that the best you can do?".... or " is that meant to hurt?"
Smacking him really does not bother him. He is slowly turning into a little chav, with no morals, and not a care in the world, he thinks he can do exactly as he pleases, and anyone who gets in his way just gets crap.

If this is just a phase he's going through then i can maybe put up with it for a bit longer... although after 2 years it does get frustrating.
Exactly my point,i did the same,its lack of respect.
Try to divert his attention from being a sh1tehawk and to put his energies into summat more constructive like rebuilding/restoring cars or field bikes etc.
I think the next generation is going to be worse as they have all grown up on computer games and know nothing about real life or socialising without a computer

[Danny s-p]

did a smack do you any harm, loli now have broken nose for try to fight back ps was my bro that did it not me dad. my bro was in charge of me for the week and was telling me off. i tryed swinging back at him then found out i had a very bloody nose a few seconds later and i was sat on me back side lol

[Ernie]

so i only have 23 weeks and 12 years till my become a little cheeky fcuker lol

[General Baxter]

oh i remember them days spud, dad walked in, what you done now, 'snip' the plug on the tv lol

[mayhem]

a good hard slap, en locking him in his room without a phone, and take out the fuse for upstairs.

you get really bored after 3 hours without lights or a tv, i can tell you that.

[General Baxter]

do you give him 'pocket' money for doing things around the house ?

do you want me to come and sort him out, iv allready spend a night in a cell, for decking a 12year old for keying my car lol

[Spudly]

do you give him 'pocket' money for doing things around the house ?




Lol yeah righto, from what i gather most kids/teens these days expect 'pocket money' for fook all and just take that you should get it no matter what:eek:

[Andy]

i remember hearing friends dads shouting at them "Im gonna tek mar fockin belt off in a minute sunshine and tan yer ar5e" lol
I reckon you would get in serious bother for saying that nowadays lol

[Ernie]

i was launched down the stairs once for being a little sh1t.i must of bounced well as im ok and never pissed about since and that was from my mum...

[Tanya.]

Lol yeah righto, from what i gather most kids/teens these days expect 'pocket money' for fook all and just take that you should get it no matter what:eek:

Admittedly I was exactly the same. I would right kick off if I had no money and I expected to get bought stuff and given money without really doing anything to earn it. My nan soon put me right though lol I remember one christmas i'd done nothing but cause trouble so she grabbed me and all the presents she'd bought me, marched me to the shops and made me watch her give them back...I ended up with an electric blanket that year which was made clear was NOT a present lol

[Ernie]

kids have no respect these days.

[bazil]

up here there is a place you can take your unrilly child to, its like a borstol ( sp ) its not nice but it gives you rest and may teach him a little respect for what he has at home,

[Tanya.]

kids have no respect these days.

Agreed! (I feel old lol) I'm hoping baby Burgo will grow up a decent amount of respect and manners.

[General Lee]

How about some good ol counciling for Him. My brother is 7 and he has a go at my mum all the time really hypo child he has been counciling for the last 4 months and is gradually becoming his old loving self again. I wouldn't have thought physical contact is the best way because it just angers him more by the sounds of thing. Well if you get hit round the chops, i bet you don't exactly hug the person who done it.

[General Baxter]

Lol yeah righto, from what i gather most kids/teens these days expect 'pocket money' for fook all and just take that you should get it no matter what:eek:

i had to wash 2 cars, wash a 14ft caravan, take the rubish out every day, all for £5 a week :wtf:

[Andy]

Agreed! (I feel old lol) I'm hoping baby Burgo will grow up a decent amount of respect and manners.
Thats how i want my kids to be.
Although i think growing up in a far better area than i did they will have a better chance than i did

[Dan]

Its amazing how much we miss things when they are gone. with my eldest daughter who is almost 11 I remove things of great importance and play tic for tac which works, but then i have what i call the fathers fear. My missus will spend hours argueing with her, i just say 2 words and its sorted in a flash, if i'm really lazy i just raise my bum out of the chair and they leg it.

I suppose its easier for the likes of me and mowgli as i to will just grab her and carry her to bed, which is a true shock to the system when they are that age. They remember who's boss and that they WILL NOT win

humiliation does work great. mine kicks off if i decide to treat them and go to the shops with them. fighting and squabling all the time. i just mosy across the shop to the far side, find a small bra and shout across to see if its the one she wants. after explaining thats what its like with her misbehaving she is the best child ever, and the youngest is always taking notes lol.

[General Baxter]

http://www.addamsfamily.com/addams/what.jpg



i just raise my bum out of the chair and they leg it..
so does everyone else lol

[Tanya.]

http://www.addamsfamily.com/addams/what.jpg

lol

[Spudly]

Well if you get hit round the chops you i bet you don't exactly hug the person who done it.




No but it makes you think twice about being a little cnut again!!


I used to get, pants down and a massive slap on the back of the thigh or the bum, my dad is a big guy and has massive hands and when he gave you a smack my god you knew about it, then was sent up to my room to sit by myself/cry!

I only ever remember being smacked properly a handful of times as i soon figured out i didnt want another one of those, after a while it was just the threat of being 'smacked so hard you wont sit down for a week' that made me/us behave!

[General Baxter]

I used to get, pants down and a massive slap on the back of the thigh or the bum, my dad is a big guy and has massive hands and when he gave you a smack my god you knew about it,

stop it spud, im getting all excited lol

[Andy]

No but it makes you think twice about being a little cnut again!!


I used to get, pants down and a massive slap on the back of the thigh or the bum
what had you done here then???
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a191/baxters83/IMG0020A.jpg


lol lol lol

[General Baxter]

looks like he needs big hands lol

[Spudly]

Ffs, how did i know youd have to comment on that, you know im certain you want to join Tom and Asa's club:p

[Tanya.]

Thats how i want my kids to be.
Although i think growing up in a far better area than i did they will have a better chance than i did

I'm (in a way) quite lucky that i've never had my parents there for me and they never taught me respect or anything like that as I grew up. I was allowed to do as I pleased when I pleased. They've been quite good role models as they've shown me exactly how I don't want to be and won't be. I know every new parent starts out with good intentions but I genuinely do hope we manage to raise him to grow up with some respect and consideration and to be a decent lad:)

[Ernie]

I used to get, pants down and a massive slap on the back of the thigh or the bum

Elsie is just as bad lol

[General Baxter]

lmao, spudly put it back lol

you know that photo will follow you for ever lol

[Andy]

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a191/baxters83/IMG0020A.jpg

[Ernie]

my eyes ouch

[Hoochie]

Ok, he has a playstation, which he loses for his cheek and attitude, he has 2 bikes, 1 mountain bike 1 bmx well over £500 worth which he loses too, when he is grounded he just won't come home from school, or he sneaks out of windows or waits till a door is opened for the dog or cat to come in or out.
They both get £5 pocket money which is paid for a couple of allocated jobs, and the chance to earn extra for doing extra jobs, he point blank refuses to help out with anything, will kick off if i don't instantly put money in his hand on fridays.
Sturge has tried allsorts with him, helping with the cars, taken him karting for good behaviour, and took him on mountain bike trails etc.

I told him tonight to go to his room for the language earlier, and i was told to "shut it".....he has since been back down to batter his sister, i chased him back up to be called " a selfish cow"!!!!

[mayhem]

make him look at that pic for a few hours, he'll never be rude again lol

[Ernie]

i say send Baxter round

[Andy]

Ok, he has a playstation, which he loses for his cheek and attitude, he has 2 bikes, 1 mountain bike 1 bmx well over £500 worth which he loses too, when he is grounded he just won't come home from school, or he sneaks out of windows or waits till a door is opened for the dog or cat to come in or out.
They both get £5 pocket money which is paid for a couple of allocated jobs, and the chance to earn extra for doing extra jobs, he point blank refuses to help out with anything, will kick off if i don't instantly put money in his hand on fridays.
Sturge has tried allsorts with him, helping with the cars, taken him karting for good behaviour, and took him on mountain bike trails etc.

I told him tonight to go to his room for the language earlier, and i was told to "shut it".....he has since been back down to batter his sister, i chased him back up to be called " a selfish cow"!!!!
Ive seen you say you have a disabled daughter,do you think he may be jealous of the attention she needs/has???
And this is all attention seeking maybe???

[mayhem]

Ok, he has a playstation, which he loses for his cheek and attitude, he has 2 bikes, 1 mountain bike 1 bmx well over £500 worth which he loses too, when he is grounded he just won't come home from school, or he sneaks out of windows or waits till a door is opened for the dog or cat to come in or out.
They both get £5 pocket money which is paid for a couple of allocated jobs, and the chance to earn extra for doing extra jobs, he point blank refuses to help out with anything, will kick off if i don't instantly put money in his hand on fridays.
Sturge has tried allsorts with him, helping with the cars, taken him karting for good behaviour, and took him on mountain bike trails etc.

I told him tonight to go to his room for the language earlier, and i was told to "shut it".....he has since been back down to batter his sister, i chased him back up to be called " a selfish cow"!!!!
if i did that, the bmx went for sale, the playstation etc.

[Derick-Sport]

1. log off png
2. get cable ties
3. tie him up till hes on the verge of mental insanity/death
4. sit back and relax as he once again appreciates you and life




lol

[mowgli]

re the grounding... simply make arrangements for him to be collected from school by you.. that will embarass him greatly....

there is the possibility that he is getting bullied himself, and is coming home & taking it out of you..

what outside activities does he do?? if none, maybe he needs to find some..

get him to join the young farmers...............lol lol

[Copers]

another thing maybe his mates? are they a bunch of scrotes? or maybe he needs storys to talk about and make him look big, say his mate said he did something at home the night before, he thinks he may need to better it?

[Danny s-p]

i say send Baxter round+1

[Andy]

there is the possibility that he is getting bullied himself, and is coming home & taking it out of you..

i thought this also,as ive done the same

[Derick-Sport]

1. log off png
2. get cable ties
3. tie him up till hes on the verge of mental insanity/death
4. sit back and relax as he once again appreciates you and life




lol



i laughed at the end sorta takes the edge of what i was saying but im deadly serious

[Hoochie]

Ive seen you say you have a disabled daughter,do you think he may be jealous of the attention she needs/has???
And this is all attention seeking maybe???

TBH...i used to think that, but no, he actually gets more attention from his "other" grandparents ( the outlaws) i have always treated them both equally and always will, Emily is physically disabled not mentally, and at 10 yrs old is a little gobby madam when she wants to be.

In fact now that i think about it, he gets a bit more that her on a daily basis, he is just so ungrateful.

[Ernie]

vote Baxter for a road trip.
It stopped the last little fcuker.

[adam c]

Tell him next time he's naughty that you'll send big "leroy" round to make him into a man;)

Then when he bad mouths you again arrange for a big black man to knock on the door and ask for your son.when your son answers the door get the black guy to follow him in and blow kisses etc at him!then just threaten your son with another visit from "leroy".......he will soon shut up and behave when he knows he could potentially get bum raped by a big black cock!

Well that's what I'd do if I was a parent.....lol

[Andy]

Its evident in this thread who has kids and who is still kids theirselves lol

[Danny s-p]

there is the possibility that he is getting bullied himself, and is coming home & taking it out of you..
:thumb: that was my problem

[Hoochie]

Ok, No he is not getting bullied, i thought this also at his last school before we moved house in sept.
He seriously thinks he is 18, when he grows up he wants to be a chav/MC, dresses the part too, He listens to that crap that makes your ears bleed, and he thinks he can tell me n Sturge how to drive properly, i just know he is going to either kill himself or someone if he ever gets his licence.
He only like to hang around with scroats, the kind that have field bikes and hoon around on fields or along the beach path.
I would love to send him to a juvenile/borstal type centre to have the **** kicked out of him before he ends up a hopeless case.

[Danny s-p]

Ok, No he is not getting bullied, i thought this also at his last school before we moved house in sept.
He seriously thinks he is 18, when he grows up he wants to be a chav/MC, dresses the part too, He listens to that crap that makes your ears bleed, and he thinks he can tell me n Sturge how to drive properly, i just know he is going to either kill himself or someone if he ever gets his licence.
He only like to hang around with scroats, the kind that have field bikes and hoon around on fields or along the beach path.
I would love to send him to a juvenile/borstal type centre to have the **** kicked out of him before he ends up a hopeless case.

if he like field bikes get him one and get him in to proper moto x racing it will take his mined of the scroats and he will have some think to look forward to every week end and hopefully vent his anger out on thrashing the bike on track. when ever i used to get peed of i wood walk my bike to the farmer that let me triane on his track. came home and had more respect because my rents were letting me do what i loved and i took my mined off the pricks at school and made me fell better than them

[mowgli]

you have just answered it... he's the new kid.... he doesn't feel like he fits in, and is trying to act all cool...

simply ignore him. don't start any conversations with him, stop washing his clothes unless they are presented in the laundry basket, he will soon change his ideas. don't call him to the dinner table, let him make his own way there.

i knew a bloke who had foster kids.. he rewired each bedroom so he could turn the electricity feed off from his room, which he locked.... he used to get them straightened out pretty quickly.

[Andy]

Sounds like hes trying to impress the undesirables who are probably into nicking motorbikes,smoking bush and mc'ing to uprising/dizstruxshon etc

[Spudly]

Sounds like hes trying to impress the undesirables who are probably into nicking motorbikes,smoking bush and mc'ing to uprising/dizstruxshon etc




You know that sounds like someone who used to live round here funnily enough lol

[Hoochie]

if he like field bikes get him one and get him in to proper moto x racing it will take his mined of the scroats and he will have some think to look forward to every week end and hopefully vent his anger out on thrashing the bike on track.

We looked into this and do not know of anywhere he can take a bike, i would love for him to do this, i miss my bikes and even i'd like the excuse to get back on another little 2 stroke put put..lol

Mowgli.....he's been like this for 2 years hun, he has actually been slightly better behaved( hard to believe i know) since we moved here 4 months ago. Oh and the arguments about laundry and mealtimes are horrendous...:(

[Andy]

You know that sounds like someone who used to live round here funnily enough lol
no comment.

[Danny s-p]

is there no off road centres or green lane clubs near by

[General Baxter]

is there no off road centres or green lane clubs near by

problem is, i really doubt he will appreciate it

[Hoochie]

is there no off road centres or green lane clubs near by
Well our research only went as far as the local police station, only to prove boy child wrong about where his pals recon they can churn up the grass.

We live in the lakes so you would think there is somewhere over here for biking, there is any amount of outdoor sports centres for the usual, canoeing and water based sports.

Edit to add...


problem is, i really doubt he will appreciate it

He probably wouldn't, he does not like taking orders and he would just think he can just hoon about chav styleeeeeeee.......he recons he knows everything so you cannot teach him anything.

[moffat]

i remeber being 12, if i was bad or a little cnut a got sent to my room without anything, a whole weekend stuck in my room made me changen hated every second, also got the odd slap and tbh never done me any harm.

[General Baxter]

http://img3.photographersdirect.com/img/13886/wm/pd1018875.jpg

on

http://frenchtasticpeople.com/door.jpg

=

http://www.dealbreaker.com/images/entries/crying-boy.jpg

[Ricky G]

sit him down and talk to him, explain how much you love him and that you dont want him to go down the wrong road and end up dead or in prison, sounds to me like he's alot more grown up than you give him credit for. if thats the case treat him like an adult, talk about respect etc. and if you dont get any respect from him then he wont get it back. i dont beleive in kids just being naughty, or it being in there genetic make up. something went wrong somewhere along the line, look back and try to think where the change was and why? as a complete and utter arsehole of a child myself i know i just wanted to be loved from my dad, he loved me alright, but never supported me or believed in me and showed me the love in a father son kind of way. so my payback to him was to be the worst child i possibly could be, always fighting with anyone who wanted it, bought my first car at 13 and drove around like i was the king. the root cause was that i wanted to be taken seriously and loved, not treated like a naughty little boy who should be seen and not heard. i would just say remember your his mum and not his mate tho, so dont give him the inch because he will take that mile. hope that made sense.

[Andy_L]

Perhaps you could email channel 4 and get super nanny round.............







(this is meant in jest!)

[pikey1986]

i was a complete and utter cnut to my mum when she and my dad got a divorce, always fighting with my brothers (i even pushed one of them into a fire) etc etc, but i grew out of it and now according to my mum im 'the perfect son' lol

[bmw156]

i must say when i was young (probably below ten) my mum used to smack us with a slipper, after a while she couldnt hit us hard enough. then it was wait until your father comes home. and the slipper always hurt from him.

i agree with removing EVERY thing of pleasure from him, PC, xbox/ps3, tv, anything which he will enjoy.

also regulate how much money he has. dont just give him a fiver if he wants some sweets, do you think he buys sweets with it!

and also ground him. i knew if i was naughty in the house, and got grounded, i couldnt go out of the house and be naughty. it might also be some of the people he is socializing with that is making him a brat.

just make his life a living hell.

[16v Nova Kev]

adht.imo:)

[General Baxter]

adht.imo:)
so 90% of kids ages 5 to 18 have this aswell, its all a load of bollox, oh my kids got a gob on him, he must have adht, like ****,

take away all the sugar, sweats and all the E numbers
eg me on cola lol

[dhdev (Oli)]

First things first, let's address his attire. I take it you're still buying his clothes? If so, stop buying him clothes that make him look like a chav and get him a dashing outfit from the likes of Barbour, like this fine young gentleman

http://www.lil-miss.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/artikelVoll-2520-org.gif

I'm sure the merits of the wax jacket's weatherproof properties would be lost on his 'crew' and he'll be outcast.

Seriously though, my brother's and I were all given the same up-bringing, except my elder brother and I went to a private school and my little brother refused and went to a state school. The youngest was a **** and my older brother and I were angels :thumb:I think the company that you keep at that age has a serious effect on the individual. My younger brother is fine now, but back then he was unbearable.

[steviegsi]

Definitely take everything off him and let him have it for a few hours etc for good behaviour. I don't think slapping the smile off his face is the way to go at his age either, as it's just conditioning him to take a slap, and may lead to much more fighting at home and outside / school.

Best of luck to you though, my cousin was exactly the same from the age of about 5. 13 years later and he doesn't have a job and still behaves the same. He got beat senseless for being a c0ck by his father and now there is nothing to frighten him as he has taken the worst of what his parents can give.

[dhdev (Oli)]

Also explain to him that Rapping isn't all about crotch grabbing and swearing. Take Mr B for example

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6t28COxEp2k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT2iP5Si-Ho

[Hoochie]

Definitely take everything off him and let him have it for a few hours etc for good behaviour. I don't think slapping the smile off his face is the way to go at his age either, as it's just conditioning him to take a slap, and may lead to much more fighting at home and outside / school.

Best of luck to you though, my cousin was exactly the same from the age of about 5. 13 years later and he doesn't have a job and still behaves the same. He got beat senseless for being a c0ck by his father and now there is nothing to frighten him as he has taken the worst of what his parents can give.

This is what i'm afraid of, he has no interest in school, and i really believe he'll end up in trouble.

[bmw156]

Hello It's Kelbelle on Martin's account.
I work in a school for children with learning disabilities and behavioural problems.

Smacking doesn't work, all it does is teach the child that violence is how you resolve a situation.

I know it's the hardest thing in the world and by this point will be difficult to do but the number one rule is to NEVER let him see that he has made you cross. Change your tone of voice to show him what he is doing is wrong but don't shout because he is looking for a reaction from you and you shouting at him achieves that.

You say that taking things away from him and not giving him his pocket money makes him kick off. Well unfortunately you need to fight the battle to win the war.

We use a choice system at our school that seems to work and gives the child the perception of control over their situation.

Example: I ask a child to come and do some work with me and they refuse. I tell them they have two choices. They can either come and do the work with me and then choose a fun activity as a reward OR they can go and sit in time out for 5 minutes and then do the work with me anyway. If needs be, I give them a one minute timer to decide and if they don't choose I choose the negative choice for them

So...
If you want him to do a chore, say washing up, and he refuses you give him two choices. He can do the washing up and you'll give him his pocket money or he can refuse and not have his pocket money. AND FOLLOW THROUGH. If he doesn't do the washing up, he doesn't get his pocket money even if he smashes the whole house up in a tantrum.

[steviegsi]

This is what i'm afraid of, he has no interest in school, and i really believe he'll end up in trouble.


Tbh my aunt and uncle really were/are useless when it comes to discipline and gave up trying to sort him out before it was too late.

At least yours is still young enough to be brought back.

Excellent idea regarding the clothes above ^.

[Hoochie]

So...
If you want him to do a chore, say washing up, and he refuses you give him two choices. He can do the washing up and you'll give him his pocket money or he can refuse and not have his pocket money. AND FOLLOW THROUGH. If he doesn't do the washing up, he doesn't get his pocket money even if he smashes the whole house up in a tantrum.

This is the one thing that has effect with him...he is money mad, so i have stopped going on at him about his disgusting room, oh and it is rank for a childs bedroom. I tell him that he can live in a sh!tpit all week, but come friday if he wants his pocket money i want it cleaned properly, and the floor vaccumed..... i only ask him to do 1 thing and that is it.

As i type he is currently throwing things around his room in protest, Sturge has since came in from work and removed his playstation for calling him a ginger faggot, and threatening to smack him in the face.... oh deep joy, another fun night in this house...

Thankyou for the advice...:thumb:

[brownbear]

he actually gets more attention from his "other" grandparents ( the outlaws)

PROBLEM AREA.... Look into this and how to remove all contact/attention from them. Humiliate him in font of them with a blow by blow account of him and his behaviours of the week in front of him at the dinner table!

[brownbear]

Also no mobile phone, Smash it to pieces. He'll get another on his birthday IF HE BEHAVES!

[brainsnova]

Take everything out his room and strip the Walls and lift the carpet then only put the bed back. That should bore him.

[Bubba]

ketamine...

[Hoochie]

he actually gets more attention from his "other" grandparents ( the outlaws)

PROBLEM AREA.... Look into this and how to remove all contact/attention from them. Humiliate him in font of them with a blow by blow account of him and his behaviours of the week in front of him at the dinner table!

Done this.....i got a copy of his behaviour log from his previous school, and i posted it to them, they don't care, he is their first born grandchild and will always get whatever he wants out of them, this was a main factor in us moving 90 miles away, before hand they were less than half mile away and child used to go there when i told him off.

[bmw156]

This is the one thing that has effect with him...he is money mad, so i have stopped going on at him about his disgusting room, oh and it is rank for a childs bedroom. I tell him that he can live in a sh!tpit all week, but come friday if he wants his pocket money i want it cleaned properly, and the floor vaccumed..... i only ask him to do 1 thing and that is it.

As i type he is currently throwing things around his room in protest, Sturge has since came in from work and removed his playstation for calling him a ginger faggot, and threatening to smack him in the face.... oh deep joy, another fun night in this house...

Thankyou for the advice...:thumb:

this is martin FYI.

you know the answers your self as you keep saying them lol,

"he is money mad"
well then dont give him his money. have a chart to keep track if he kicks off at all during the week/weekend.

possibly sit him down, say you want to treat him more mature, and you want to increase his pocket money (if funds allow) and if he meets he happyness/doesnt hit his sister/doesnt kick off everyday then reward him for it. :)

[hendrix]

Start off at £5 every week and then reduce it by 50p everytime he's a twunt, he'll soon end up with nothing.
Sounds like a scrote and is exactly what puts me off having kids myself

[Hobbit]

Sounds like he is spending that fiver you give him on a Friday on a teenth of solids to me. Does funny things to a young brain.

Would explain the money mad thing, he's desperate to get some cash so he can go and have a smoke with his "gangsta" mates.

[Pete]

im only 18 and remember the days quite well. I was smacked etc and it made no diffrence, it just made me hate my parents more at the time and cause more havok sp? I stopped being a little sh.t one day when i was being a cnut in town and my mum went over to a police officer and he came over and basicaly told me of. Never again did i play up badly lol

[brownbear]

Speak to a local police officer. Get him in there next time he's really bad for a blow by blow chat of factual accounts of how his life could end up, No money and dying of a heroin overdose in a pool of his own 5hit, piss and puke... My mum did that to me when I liberated her 3 week old golf for a joyride....

[hendrix]

I was a nice lad growing up, never gave my mum or stepdad any sh1t. Honestly.
The worst thing my mum ever got riled about was catching me aged 20 with a draw full of herbal lol

[brownbear]

I was a nice lad growing up, never gave my mum or stepdad any sh1t. Honestly.
The worst thing my mum ever got riled about was catching me aged 20 with a draw full of herbal lol

Not very constructive...... :wtf:

[hendrix]

Gave my tuppence on a previous page

[grooge]

Sounds like he is spending that fiver you give him on a Friday on a teenth of solids to me. Does funny things to a young brain.

Would explain the money mad thing, he's desperate to get some cash so he can go and have a smoke with his "gangsta" mates.

exactly, when i was 12 having a fiver meant finding 3 other mates and chipping in for a score bag! i was money daft at that age, doing as many paper runs etc as i could as an extra fiver meant extra bevy/green.

i used to be a right problem for my mum n dad, kicking up **** all the time at home, school, weekends etc but like brownbear after doing a good job of crashing my mums car reality struck me a bit and i smartened up. now i get on fine with my parents in general, only time we dont get on is when they say i spend to much time working instead of studying (more money means more toys) lol

[claire6069]

i'm having alot of trouble with my 3 1/2 year old atm, im such at a loss as to what to do with him, he had me in tears today because i just dont know what to do!

i've been convinced since he was about 18 months old that hes got adhd or a mild form of autism, hes so hyperactive, doesnt listen, constantly winds me up and enjoys seeing me get mad, terrorises the cats, is abnormally destructive and more emotional than a pregnant woman - he cries when i ask him to get his clothes out, he cries when he cant see his teacher and silly stuff like that (even his teacher has picked up on this and they are considering calling in an educational psychologist and hes only in preschool!!) hes been potty trained for a year now and has only ever had 2 accidents but over the past few days hes sh!t himself at school (didnt even tell the teacher he wanted the toilet which he always does), he weed in macdonalds yesterday with my mum, when i got up yesterday morning i discovered he'd sh!t in the bathroom bin and today when we were in morrisons, he stood and p!ssed himself right in the middle of the aisle, then said 'i need a wee' and then pointed at the floor and said 'whats that?'
i just burst into tears, i dont have a clue what to do!

[Hoochie]

Start off at £5 every week and then reduce it by 50p everytime he's a twunt, he'll soon end up with nothing.
Sounds like a scrote and is exactly what puts me off having kids myself

We do this now....only he loses £1 for swearing.
My sister has no kids and i'm 99% certain that it's because of him. lol

[16v Nova Kev]

we got a phone call from the school today. my 8yr old had a fight on the football pitch then pushed a teacher. thats really out of character.

[brownbear]

Gave my tuppence on a previous page

I meant spending cash on dope!

[hendrix]

ohhhh I see.
Yeah I know now, don't do it any more. can't anyway cos of my job where I get random D&A.
I had just got back from Leeds fest tho lol

[Hoochie]

i'm having alot of trouble with my 3 1/2 year old atm, im such at a loss as to what to do with him, he had me in tears today because i just dont know what to do!

i've been convinced since he was about 18 months old that hes got adhd or a mild form of autism, hes so hyperactive, doesnt listen, constantly winds me up and enjoys seeing me get mad, terrorises the cats, is abnormally destructive and more emotional than a pregnant woman - he cries when i ask him to get his clothes out, he cries when he cant see his teacher and silly stuff like that (even his teacher has picked up on this and they are considering calling in an educational psychologist and hes only in preschool!!) hes been potty trained for a year now and has only ever had 2 accidents but over the past few days hes sh!t himself at school (didnt even tell the teacher he wanted the toilet which he always does), he weed in macdonalds yesterday with my mum, when i got up yesterday morning i discovered he'd sh!t in the bathroom bin and today when we were in morrisons, he stood and p!ssed himself right in the middle of the aisle, then said 'i need a wee' and then pointed at the floor and said 'whats that?'
i just burst into tears, i dont have a clue what to do!

Thing is with ADHD they won't test/diagnose till after 6/7 years of age, they do what is called a connors scale, which is lots of questions where you answer on a scale of 1-5 is child blah blah, 1 being not and 5 being definately.
They send the questionnaire to school and one to the parent, the answers have to match before being considered to go onto a waiting list for diagnosis.

[Dayle_]

so 90% of kids ages 5 to 18 have this aswell, its all a load of bollox, oh my kids got a gob on him, he must have adht, like ****,

take away all the sugar, sweats and all the E numbers
eg me on cola lol

I agree with this. I currently work with 14-19 year olds who have been kicked out of school or won't attend. Majority of them are labeled with ADHD and to be fair that is all it is a label created by the goverment. At the end of the day 20 years ago they wouldn't have had a DISORDER they would have just been little ****s or the really bad ones autistic. One of our kids apparently has this and his parents quite openly claim £180 a week for him. :roll:

A hand full of kids have respect but again sadly most don't and the fact you can't physicaly do anything about it and they know it just makes them worse.]

From experience the worst thing you can do is label a child with ADHD as they play on it and get worse (thats taken from day to day experience) "its my ADHD"

[claire6069]

Thing is with ADHD they won't test/diagnose till after 6/7 years of age, they do what is called a connors scale, which is lots of questions where you answer on a scale of 1-5 is child blah blah, 1 being not and 5 being definately.
They send the questionnaire to school and one to the parent, the answers have to match before being considered to go onto a waiting list for diagnosis.

i didnt know there was all that rigmorol (sp) to it but i suppose its not an easy thing to diagnose. i had a little look on the internet this morning at child behavioural problems and there is something called CD - Conduct Disorder - in which the child does absolutely anything they can to be destructive or harmful to others, sounds just like Alfie (except his emotions of a girl), ste's option of a sore @rse wont work if its a behavioural thing though, just dont know what to do, fecking kids lol

[Hoochie]

I agree with this. I currently work with 14-19 year olds who have been kicked out of school or won't attend. Majority of them are labeled with ADHD and to be fair that is all it is a label created by the goverment. At the end of the day 20 years ago they wouldn't have had a DISORDER they would have just been little ****s. One of our kids apparently has this and his parents quite openly claim £180 a week for him. :roll:

Exactly...i know of someone who has 2 kids with it.......in order to get the DLA for them they have to be prescribed ritalin, so............she gets the script, flushes them down the loo and tells the kids " if anyone asks, you take your tablet every morning"... bearing in mind, my disabled daughter is about to lose her benefit cos the government have decided that she is not disabled any more, and her unreversable brain damage is not a problem...:eek:

[Cle]

I remember being 12, oh it was only 6 years ago :roll: lol tbh not alot of things scare you at 12 because you think you have no responsiblitys and can do what you want when you want. When i was 12 me and my "crew" done lots of stupid things mainly because we just egg'd each other on. only thing that changes is that when you get older ie my age now the stupid things turn in to dangours things. We all thought we we invincible because nothing ever went wrong. Now after my friend dieing in a car crash last year every one is alot more sencible. Basiclly what im trying to say is unless he has some type of "scare" then imo he wont change.

that be done blabering on lol

[claire6069]

Exactly...i know of someone who has 2 kids with it.......in order to get the DLA for them they have to be prescribed ritalin, so............she gets the script, flushes them down the loo and tells the kids " if anyone asks, you take your tablet every morning"... bearing in mind, my disabled daughter is about to lose her benefit cos the government have decided that she is not disabled any more, and her unreversable brain damage is not a problem...:eek:

no way?! thats awful!! and surely flushing the tablets down the loo but claiming the benefits is a type of benefit fraud?!

[hendrix]

Exactly...i know of someone who has 2 kids with it.......in order to get the DLA for them they have to be prescribed ritalin, so............she gets the script, flushes them down the loo and tells the kids " if anyone asks, you take your tablet every morning"... bearing in mind, my disabled daughter is about to lose her benefit cos the government have decided that she is not disabled any more, and her unreversable brain damage is not a problem...:eek:
And there in a nutshell is everything that is wrong with this stinking country :thumb:

[Dayle_]

Exactly...i know of someone who has 2 kids with it.......in order to get the DLA for them they have to be prescribed ritalin, so............she gets the script, flushes them down the loo and tells the kids " if anyone asks, you take your tablet every morning"... bearing in mind, my disabled daughter is about to lose her benefit cos the government have decided that she is not disabled any more, and her unreversable brain damage is not a problem...:eek:

That is absolutely disgusting, i would report her.

I was registered partially sighted from birth with a rare eye condition and to be fair coped very well i try not let it get in the way, the only thing it never allowed me to do was drive which was a pain as i was brought up around cars and rallying and it was all i every wanted to do.

I now rally (co-drive) but i applied for the DLA to help me get around to and from work and I do struggle with things now and again especially after work when I’m tired and was denied it.

[bmw156]

i'm having alot of trouble with my 3 1/2 year old atm, im such at a loss as to what to do with him, he had me in tears today because i just dont know what to do!

i've been convinced since he was about 18 months old that hes got adhd or a mild form of autism, hes so hyperactive, doesnt listen, constantly winds me up and enjoys seeing me get mad, terrorises the cats, is abnormally destructive and more emotional than a pregnant woman - he cries when i ask him to get his clothes out, he cries when he cant see his teacher and silly stuff like that (even his teacher has picked up on this and they are considering calling in an educational psychologist and hes only in preschool!!) hes been potty trained for a year now and has only ever had 2 accidents but over the past few days hes sh!t himself at school (didnt even tell the teacher he wanted the toilet which he always does), he weed in macdonalds yesterday with my mum, when i got up yesterday morning i discovered he'd sh!t in the bathroom bin and today when we were in morrisons, he stood and p!ssed himself right in the middle of the aisle, then said 'i need a wee' and then pointed at the floor and said 'whats that?'
i just burst into tears, i dont have a clue what to do!

Ummm not sure what to say about this one because I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone but half the children I work with have ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). It's such a complex disorder that there is no way I can explain it on here but this website might be useful
http://www.autism.org.uk/en-gb/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/what-is-autism.aspx

[Hoochie]

Oh it is, she has 6 kids and 5 are at home 1 with a baby, she owns her house out right, has very expensive things inside, buys a brand new car every other year, has 3 big holidays a year......being Oz, USA, and a cruise, then she has lots and lots of weekends abroad on the p!ss....is 42 and never worked. she gets £1000's in benefits.

There will always be folk like this unfortunately..:(

[claire6069]

thanks for that link bmw156, im looking at it now :thumb:

[phazer]

thanks for that link bmw156, im looking at it now :thumb:

While checking this out, just be mindful of falling into the trap of looking for a 'tag' to explain the behaviour. A solution to a problem that doesn't exist if you will.

It's easy and often desirable to do this as it makes you feel better and gives you a focus. However the 'label' and your change of perspective (that of bad behaviour to a medical explanation) could be detrimental in the long run.

[claire6069]

While checking this out, just be mindful of falling into the trap of looking for a 'tag' to explain the behaviour. A solution to a problem that doesn't exist if you will.

It's easy and often desirable to do this as it makes you feel better and gives you a focus. However the 'label' and your change of perspective (that of bad behaviour to a medical explanation) could be detrimental in the long run.

whenever i've thought he may have adhd, i've always aired my views to family or friends and been given the 'hes just a typical boy' comment but now his teacher is picking up on stuff too, especially his emotions and destructive behaviour, i'm starting to wonder if its more than just being a typical boy.

the thing with him is, when hes at school, he will not leave his teachers side, he refuses to interact with the other kids unless he sees they've drawn something or built something out of blocks or lego in which case he goes and wrecks it and then goes back to his teacher. when she tells him to go and play with the others, he sits on his own in the corner!

[General Baxter]

nothing wrong with me,

when i was 10 i pulled the knob of the TV and ate it,
destoryed my grandma's tumble dryer
ate mud out the garden

[16v Nova Kev]

nothing wrong with me,

when i was 10 i pulled the knob of the TV and ate it,
destoryed my grandma's tumble dryer
ate mud out the garden

tbh none of that shocks me:thumb:

[claire6069]

lmao totally agree!!!

[General Baxter]

yes but do that in todays world, id be put on so many pills, it would send me loopy

[phazer]

whenever i've thought he may have adhd, i've always aired my views to family or friends and been given the 'hes just a typical boy' comment but now his teacher is picking up on stuff too, especially his emotions and destructive behaviour, i'm starting to wonder if its more than just being a typical boy.

the thing with him is, when hes at school, he will not leave his teachers side, he refuses to interact with the other kids unless he sees they've drawn something or built something out of blocks or lego in which case he goes and wrecks it and then goes back to his teacher. when she tells him to go and play with the others, he sits on his own in the corner!

There may well be more to it I have no opinion either way as I'm not qualified, just a bit of friendly advice. Taking a step back and all that :thumb:

[claire6069]

yes but do that in todays world, id be put on so many pills, it would send me loopy

you already are baxter!!

[General Baxter]

i dont take pills

only coke

[Tanya.]

Thing is with ADHD they won't test/diagnose till after 6/7 years of age, they do what is called a connors scale, which is lots of questions where you answer on a scale of 1-5 is child blah blah, 1 being not and 5 being definately.
They send the questionnaire to school and one to the parent, the answers have to match before being considered to go onto a waiting list for diagnosis.

Even then it can take them years to actually get into gear and test for it. Like I said previously my 19 year old brother has that and autism, he loves setting things on fire and just being a general idiot which is the same as my 13 year old brother acts now and they wont test him despite it "running" in the family. The pills my brother has to take for it are horrible as well, they've made him horribly anorexic as it affects his eating and when he forgets to take his pills he's worse then usual.

[dannyb]

I've read this in it's entirety with a view to replying and it's such a hard one to answer, let alone solve! Without knowing you or your son, or knowing the dynamic of your household I cannot offer any specific advice for you.
Strategies I would suggest are probably mentioned previously but I'll summarise my thoughts for you. Although I don't have any children yet, I'm an educational professional. I've worked in KS2, KS3 and KS4 with experience of Foundation stage and KS1 for the last 7 and a half years. I have managed a learning support unit and behavioural unit in a secondary school. I hope I'm not patronising you as you may already be doing these things!

My key factor in any argument is to diffuse the situation to enable a dialogue.

Keep your cool. Hard I know but you'll be less likely to shout and get angry. Take 10 seconds to stop, gather yourself and reply calmly - it'll feel a longer time than it is. Calm, level speech will knock the wind out of his sails after a while as he won't feel like his shouting is getting him anywhere.

Question him/his actions when he is wrong before you level any blame at his door. He won't give you answers straight away but you do it enough and he may come round to answer you and give you an inroad to opening a dialogue.

You are the adult and he is the child. Do not resort to tit for tat arguing, and keep only the cause of the argument in focus. If the argument does deviate. State clearly that this was not what he initially kicked off about. He can choose to go on either tangent but this will require him to consider what he is talking about and may help him to rationalise his argument.

Choice is a powerful tool - make him choose his behaviour as Kel stated.

Consistency is a must - agree with your partner what you both deem to be acceptable behaviour so you are both reading from the same page when sanctioning your lad.

Taking away consoles/TVs/internet access/mobiles is fine. Put them under lock and key - take them to a mates house do what you must to remove it for a specified time limit. If you say he'll have it back at a time (under certain behavioural conditions) then you have to uphold your end of the bargain. Don't give in early though. Take it away for too long though and you risk blow ups further down the line which may mean he never gets it back. Let him earn it back, it'll make him feel good.

Focus on the positive behaviour. Small, sustainable rewards for good behaviour are best rather than 'if you're good for a week you can have a PS3' sort of thing!

I'm not going to try and say anymore - see how you get on. If you want to PM me with any questions, feel free.

[mrT]

to many pages to read, but one thing to get him on the straight in narrow and teach him respect which very few sprogs have nowadays is get him to the local boxing club, he'll be taught respect,manners and most of the time if he's being a slight cnut at school or whatever this will be dealt with to, and its not by raising fists, the best part of your body for dealing with unruly kids is the bit between your nose and chin

[svlet]

i was just like this only reson is i was board .i had a computer and a massive tv and that to play it on i just dident have to abillity to sit for more than 5 minutes to play it before getting boared but when i started going to the gym i had a focus so i stuck at it kept me out the house and doing summit creative also i have a motor bike and air rifle i go out alot with witch keeps me out of trouble just have to respect the people i see when i am out some kids dont like being in doors and get really fed up may be this is the problem
thats just my 2 pence worth sorry about spelling and punctuation

[svlet]

i was just like this only reson is i was board .i had a computer and a massive tv and that to play it on i just dident have to abillity to sit for more than 5 minutes to play it before getting boared but when i started going to the gym i had a focus so i stuck at it kept me out the house and doing summit creative also i have a motor bike and air rifle i go out alot with witch keeps me out of trouble just have to respect the people i see when i am out some kids dont like being in doors and get really fed up may be this is the problem
thats just my 2 pence worth sorry about spelling and punctuation

[MattBrown]

sit him down and talk to him, explain how much you love him and that you dont want him to go down the wrong road and end up dead or in prison, sounds to me like he's alot more grown up than you give him credit for. if thats the case treat him like an adult, talk about respect etc. and if you dont get any respect from him then he wont get it back. i dont beleive in kids just being naughty, or it being in there genetic make up. something went wrong somewhere along the line, look back and try to think where the change was and why? as a complete and utter arsehole of a child myself i know i just wanted to be loved from my dad, he loved me alright, but never supported me or believed in me and showed me the love in a father son kind of way. so my payback to him was to be the worst child i possibly could be, always fighting with anyone who wanted it, bought my first car at 13 and drove around like i was the king. the root cause was that i wanted to be taken seriously and loved, not treated like a naughty little boy who should be seen and not heard. i would just say remember your his mum and not his mate tho, so dont give him the inch because he will take that mile. hope that made sense.

Fair play.

That's quite true.

[Jack]

The thing I hated when I was a kid was when my parents would tell me off for something or other, but not give me a reason WHY what I was doing was wrong. Always give reason, there's no argument with logical thinking.

[Hoochie]

He always knows exactly why he has been told off, grounded or lost priviledges.
Which is usually when his lying kicks in, his lies worry me and i think he could be quite dangerous if he wanted to be.
He says things that he imagines has happened, that we have done to him, quite scary really.

[mowgli]

are you keeping a diary?? or tape recording his rants??

it would be fascinating to show to the grandparents, cos they are obviously undermining you at every opportunity.

[Angus Closier]

He always knows exactly why he has been told off, grounded or lost priviledges.
Which is usually when his lying kicks in, his lies worry me and i think he could be quite dangerous if he wanted to be.
He says things that he imagines has happened, that we have done to him, quite scary really.

Just remember children have the most amazing imaginations (sp).
when I was young I could dream up anything I wanted and try and make it real.
Just dont let him get out of control, as long as he knows you will do somthing about it if he does he will soon enough get the idea.:thumb:

[mowgli]

you could put his food through a blender, then serve it on a plastic plate with a plastic spoon.....when he questions it, point out that as he is acting like a toddler, he will be treated like one.

[Hoochie]

are you keeping a diary?? or tape recording his rants??

it would be fascinating to show to the grandparents, cos they are obviously undermining you at every opportunity.

They always have, i was on my own with them for 8 years, and every time i said no to something, he would just ride up to grans house and ask them....and voila!!...he got everything he asked for, eg...good report got him a fiver from me........a £100 electric scooter from them. 6 months later when it was destroyed, they replaced it.
They have always done this, i think to make up for their oxygen thief son who had done nothing for his kids.
However.........they spoiled their kids AND...still do, so say for example the kids were having a weekend visit, i would say " ok Thomas has been naughty and done this or that, i've told him no treats this weekend" but i am allowing him to come and see you, they would go against my wishes with the excuse of " well he wasn't naughty for us so we won't punish him for nothing".
So i had to threaten to stop visits, like i said earlier, the move 90 miles away was a good excuse to limit visits to Newcastle.

As for recording his out bursts i think i may start doing this, we have a child psychologist to see regarding his ADHD tests ( which i do not think it is, but is deffo something)

[Hoochie]

Just remember children have the most amazing imaginations (sp).
when I was young I could dream up anything I wanted and try and make it real.
Just dont let him get out of control, as long as he knows you will do somthing about it if he does he will soon enough get the idea.:thumb:

TBH i think it is in his genes...seriously his father was a compulsive liar, proper Walter Mitty character and very strange indeed.

[Angus Closier]

TBH i think it is in his genes...seriously his father was a compulsive liar, proper Walter Mitty character and very strange indeed.

Fair enough, hope the troubles dont take too long to sort!

[paul james]

Does he ever see his dad? At that age a boys father is still a big influence on his life, whether he is around or not. His attitude may stem from seeing his dad as role model, and trying to be like him, or perhaps rebelling against what he sees as you replacing his father.

If your relationship with your son has simply become that of shouting and telling off, you need to break out of that somehow. Do you do fun stuff together? perhaps just you and him? take him go-karting, to the cinema, even just play computer games with him at home? He should want to behave, not for a fear of being shouted at or smacked, but because if he upsets/dissapoints you, he gets none of your attention or time.

[mowgli]

They always have, i was on my own with them for 8 years, and every time i said no to something, he would just ride up to grans house and ask them....and voila!!...he got everything he asked for, eg...good report got him a fiver from me........a £100 electric scooter from them. 6 months later when it was destroyed, they replaced it.
They have always done this, i think to make up for their oxygen thief son who had done nothing for his kids.
However.........they spoiled their kids AND...still do, so say for example the kids were having a weekend visit, i would say " ok Thomas has been naughty and done this or that, i've told him no treats this weekend" but i am allowing him to come and see you, they would go against my wishes with the excuse of " well he wasn't naughty for us so we won't punish him for nothing".
So i had to threaten to stop visits, like i said earlier, the move 90 miles away was a good excuse to limit visits to Newcastle.

As for recording his out bursts i think i may start doing this, we have a child psychologist to see regarding his ADHD tests ( which i do not think it is, but is deffo something)

so the 'spoiling' grandparents are on his dad's side???

right, then if his dad has feck all to do with your son, they can too....

i imagine that they spend every waking hour filling your son with the bile & other assorted hatred they have for you...

my parents divorced when i was 12, and then proceeded to live about 150 yds from each other, and if my mum thought for any reason i'd been near my dad's house, i'd get 45 minutes of shyte on the subject...........

i didn't know what to believe & wasn't too happy about it.....

[Hoochie]

so the 'spoiling' grandparents are on his dad's side???

right, then if his dad has feck all to do with your son, they can too....

i imagine that they spend every waking hour filling your son with the bile & other assorted hatred they have for you...

my parents divorced when i was 12, and then proceeded to live about 150 yds from each other, and if my mum thought for any reason i'd been near my dad's house, i'd get 45 minutes of shyte on the subject...........

i didn't know what to believe & wasn't too happy about it.....

It is his dads parents yes, they pay him to spend time with his kids, this grates my liver, the fact my ex hubby is still alive and well when there are more deserving people waiting for his organs annoys the crap out of me.
I have always fought for him to spend time with his kids, usually through solicitors and it's like flogging a dead horse, i had to just admit defeat and realise that i cannot make him spend time with his kids.
Occasionally he will when his mother tells him to, but as ever work and girlfriends have always been more important.
He is now married, and his new wife has a 5 yr old boy, this does my head in as it must hurt my children no end.
My daughter didn't even want to go to his wedding, now when ever they return from gran and grandads and mention that "dad" was there i hate it, cos they never have anything nice to say about him and i wish he would just disappear.
He took them bowling on sunday, and his new wife spent the day telling them off for talking loud and being noisy as she had a headache, bearing in mind he has seen them maybe 3 times in the 4 months we have lived here.
The CSA have to threaten him with court action to get anything from him for me.

Oh rant over...sowwy..:)

[Edd]

^^^ don't you think your son just misses his dad ?

That could be the cause of it all

Either way I'd try and get it sorted, I was a terrible teenager and looking back if problems were sorted/discussed at the time I probably would have acted different

If he's acting like you have said I wouldn't give him ANY cash as he will be spending it on drink and weed probably for escapism

Which will lead to harder drugs, been there, got in a right state, but managed to pull out of it

[mowgli]

sorry, but the thought of someone with a headache in a bowling alley is making me laugh..........

[Hoochie]

^^^ don't you think your son just misses his dad ?

That could be the cause of it all

Either way I'd try and get it sorted, I was a terrible teenager and looking back if problems were sorted/discussed at the time I probably would have acted different

If he's acting like you have said I wouldn't give him ANY cash as he will be spending it on drink and weed probably for escapism

Which will lead to harder drugs, been there, got in a right state, but managed to pull out of it

He probably does is a strange sort of way, he has not been in his life since he was 3 so has nothing to miss really, like i said though, his father simply can't be @rsed with him, he has been known to take time off to go to concerts, pub crawls, stag do's anything other than spend time with his kids.
As a mother there is only so much i can do, then i have to draw the line as to how much i allow this person to hurt my kids, Chris has done more in 2 yrs than his father has done all his life for him.


sorry, but the thought of someone with a headache in a bowling alley is making me laugh..........

Hangover is the word.............they both drink heavily friday- saturday whilst her son is at his grandparents.

[Tanya.]

He probably does is a strange sort of way, he has not been in his life since he was 3 so has nothing to miss really, like i said though, his father simply can't be @rsed with him, he has been known to take time off to go to concerts, pub crawls, stag do's anything other than spend time with his kids.
As a mother there is only so much i can do, then i have to draw the line as to how much i allow this person to hurt my kids, Chris has done more in 2 yrs than his father has done all his life for him.



Hangover is the word.............they both drink heavily friday- saturday whilst her son is at his grandparents.

Even though he wasn't in his life that long it's amazing what an impression can be left in that short time. I lived with my mum and dad until I was 5 and then for personal reasons I lived with my nan from 5-15. Even though I was still young and had only spent them few years with them and after everything that had happened I still missed my dad like crazy. I'm not quite sure why...but it was always there.
Is there anyway you can try appealing to your ex one last time and explain everything thats happening? Or maybe getting the grandparents to talk to him?

[Hoochie]

Even though he wasn't in his life that long it's amazing what an impression can be left in that short time. I lived with my mum and dad until I was 5 and then for personal reasons I lived with my nan from 5-15. Even though I was still young and had only spent them few years with them and after everything that had happened I still missed my dad like crazy. I'm not quite sure why...but it was always there.
Is there anyway you can try appealing to your ex one last time and explain everything thats happening? Or maybe getting the grandparents to talk to him?

No i can't do it any more times Tanya, he really is not interested, i just get sh!tty comments like " your kids, you deal with it" or " you wanted a divorce so don't expect any help from me, he is very un cooperative, i did send him to live with his dad a couple years ago as i simply couldn't cope, he was there 6 months, and spent a lot of the time on the phone to me telling me how he hated it, his dad was always asleep on the sofa drunk or hungover and wouldn't cook him anything to eat.
This was around the time he was getting married, they were taking Thomas and her son with them on honeymoon, but not Emily as she was not his responsibility, then child decided he hated it there getting no attention, not allowed to do anything and came home......guess what his father did? told him that he wasn't going on holiday with them because he wanted to come home to his mam.

I could sit here and tell you stories that would make your toes curl, but i'll not bore folk any more.

[Tanya.]

No i can't do it any more times Tanya, he really is not interested, i just get sh!tty comments like " your kids, you deal with it" or " you wanted a divorce so don't expect any help from me, he is very un cooperative, i did send him to live with his dad a couple years ago as i simply couldn't cope, he was there 6 months, and spent a lot of the time on the phone to me telling me how he hated it, his dad was always asleep on the sofa drunk or hungover and wouldn't cook him anything to eat.
This was around the time he was getting married, they were taking Thomas and her son with them on honeymoon, but not Emily as she was not his responsibility, then child decided he hated it there getting no attention, not allowed to do anything and came home......guess what his father did? told him that he wasn't going on holiday with them because he wanted to come home to his mam.

I could sit here and tell you stories that would make your toes curl, but i'll not bore folk any more.

I know how horrible it is, obviously not from a parents point of view but from a child whos been in a similiar situation.
I really do hope you manage to get things resolved soon, for his sake as well as yours. I know what a horrible downward spiral it can send you on.

[mayhem]

is his behaviour worse when he comes back from the grandparents?

my parents got devorced when i was 9 (my dad is an alcoholic) and every time we visited him, he filled oure heads with crap (youre mom's a whore/slut/wish she died/ praying for cancer etc etc).it even went so far that he told us to make up bad story's about mom to the child protection service, cause if we didnt, he'd take an overdose of pills and die, and if he died, it's oure fault (i was about 10/11 at the time)

offcourse his parents where on his side, and my sister and me used to be out of control when we got home from my dad/grandparents.

i havent had any contact with them since i was 12 (24 now) and if i see my dad, i will kick his head in.

[Hoochie]

@ Mayhem, his behaviour does change when he returns, but its not for those reasons, its mainly because he gets everything he wants, and they NEVER say no to him, silly stuff like fizzy pop and bags of E's that i do not allow at home, but they od on coke and haribo when they visit, it annoys me as it's me who has to peel him of the ceiling when he returns.