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View Full Version : The one liner Thread


Dod
08-12-10, 07:15 PM
Did you hear about the Magic Tractor? It turned into a field.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't mateer, it wont come to you anyway.
Spudly
08-12-10, 07:17 PM
How do you get rid of a boomerang, throw it down a one way street.
dougie_boi
08-12-10, 07:44 PM
there once was a cow that stood up yonder its not there no it must have shifted
16v Nova Kev
08-12-10, 07:53 PM
your face would make an onion cry.
Dod
08-12-10, 07:55 PM
2 cows in a field, one says to the other "nice day today." The other replies "Holy Crap, a talking cow!!"
dougie_boi
08-12-10, 07:59 PM
your face would make an onion cry. lollollollollollol
JensonLEI
08-12-10, 08:49 PM
Your the reason they invented double doors.
Derick-Sport
08-12-10, 08:56 PM
what do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times,... a widow

Two blondes walk into a building, you'd think at least one of them had seen it

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.
Mike
08-12-10, 09:15 PM
What do you call a man wit h no shins?

Tony.
Paul
08-12-10, 09:21 PM
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
mayhem
08-12-10, 09:32 PM
you are so ugly, i bet they threw away the baby and kept the placenta.
mowgli
08-12-10, 10:00 PM
to be honest luv, i've had better w@nks
Lee
08-12-10, 10:03 PM
You're so ugly, the last time you looked out of a window you got arrested for mooning!

Paddy and murphy throwing stones at the floor. paddy missed.

How to tell if you're a cockney. Look down, if you're covered in buttons.... you're a cockney. ..or a sky remote. .. either way, you're probably not working.
Dan
08-12-10, 10:31 PM
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on

They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken
dougie_boi
08-12-10, 10:33 PM
your that ugly your pram had shutters
steviegsi
08-12-10, 10:43 PM
Your mums so ugly, even Cillit (sp) wouldn't bang her.
Dan
08-12-10, 10:46 PM
Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
dougie_boi
08-12-10, 10:47 PM
your that ugly when you were young they had to tie a suasage round your neck just so the dag with play with you
brownbear
09-12-10, 12:07 PM
why don't you just light your tampon and blow your box apart, Because it's the only bang your ever gonna get sweetheart.
Southie
09-12-10, 12:10 PM
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Jack
09-12-10, 12:22 PM
Yo mamma so fat, when cops see her on a street corner they shout "Hey you guys, break it up"
mowgli
09-12-10, 12:23 PM
yo mamma so fat, when she jumped in the air she got stuck
Southie
09-12-10, 12:47 PM
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Deanosri
09-12-10, 01:38 PM
What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin Mobile
Lee
09-12-10, 04:12 PM
I went to get my christmas tree today. Salesman said 'are you going to put it up yourself?'

I had to explain to him that it was going in my living room.
Southie
09-12-10, 04:42 PM
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
L14MNP
09-12-10, 04:46 PM
http://performancecarmagazine.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/nissan-skyline-gt-r-r32-fq.jpg
wwmnw
09-12-10, 04:47 PM
lollol someone had to do it.
Southie
09-12-10, 04:53 PM
http://i345.photobucket.com/albums/p379/SOUTHIE01/Asimplethread2.gif
Hoochie
09-12-10, 04:59 PM
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Hoochie
09-12-10, 05:03 PM
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
vauxluva
09-12-10, 07:25 PM
Car full of lad,s flying threw essex at speed with windows down and no music on who is it?.........................the police!
Pistol Pete
09-12-10, 07:50 PM
I'm not a one trick pony, i'm not a ten trick pony....i have a field full of ponies lol
L14MNP
09-12-10, 08:33 PM
I don't need a night watchman! lol
xe_nova9
10-12-10, 06:22 PM
Teacher: Right children, to start the English lesson I want you to state a fact. Lets start with you Tommy.

Tommy: I am 7 years old
Teacher: Very good Tommy thats correct. Jenny?
Jenny: I am a girl
Teacher: Excellent. Johnny, your turn!
Johnny: I is...
Teacher: Ah ah ah its 'I am' not 'I is' Try again Johnny
Johnny: Ok....... I am the 9th letter of the alphabet and you shouldnt jump to conclusions otherwise you will be made to look a cunnt
pie
10-12-10, 06:30 PM
your mamma so fat when she sat on a rainbow skittles came out
dougie_boi
10-12-10, 07:19 PM
your mums like a petrol station she pumps and a pay
Southie
10-12-10, 07:56 PM
Your mums so fat her belt size is the equator.


Your mums so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks!
Lee
10-12-10, 08:00 PM
Your dad's so stupid, when he saw a helicopter go over, he built a bigger bird bath.
MK999
10-12-10, 08:01 PM
Teacher: Right children, to start the English lesson I want you to state a fact. Lets start with you Tommy.

Tommy: I am 7 years old
Teacher: Very good Tommy thats correct. Jenny?
Jenny: I am a girl
Teacher: Excellent. Johnny, your turn!
Johnny: I is...
Teacher: Ah ah ah its 'I am' not 'I is' Try again Johnny
Johnny: Ok....... I am the 9th letter of the alphabet and you shouldnt jump to conclusions otherwise you will be made to look a cunnt

One liner fail lol
dougie_boi
10-12-10, 08:16 PM
your that ugly you have to trick and treat over the phone
dougie_boi
10-12-10, 08:17 PM
your mums that fat if she wore high heels she would strike oil
NovaBoi92
11-12-10, 01:33 AM
When someone close to you dies, move seats
NovaBoi92
11-12-10, 01:33 AM
I miss you like a retard misses the point
NovaBoi92
11-12-10, 01:34 AM
Your mum's so fat, she walked past the TV and i missed the first season of Lost.
Asa-James
11-12-10, 02:08 PM
The captain of the titanic was the king of the one-liners
mayhem
11-12-10, 03:51 PM
there's a party in my pants, and you are invited.
Dod
11-12-10, 07:07 PM
I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.
vauxluva
11-12-10, 07:23 PM
:d Bought a nova and never had any problems......:d :p
Spudly
11-12-10, 07:28 PM
Have you heard about the new paint for novas, one coat makes them completely see thought/invisible, its called kurust lol
nathan.
12-12-10, 05:03 PM
Statistically ...........9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.......
brownbear
13-12-10, 01:51 PM
Statistically ...........1 in 7 dwarfs are happy....... (edited to spare my sanity)
Dod
13-12-10, 02:03 PM
/\Statistically, 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't happy.
Nova_Sean
13-12-10, 02:45 PM
Yo mummas so stupid, she got locked in asda and starved to death
GRUNT 16V
13-12-10, 03:04 PM
Your So Ugly ,the Tide Wouldnt Take You Out !!!!!!!
GRUNT 16V
13-12-10, 03:06 PM
Your Mums Been Cocked More Than John Waynes Rifle !!!!!!!
GRUNT 16V
13-12-10, 03:07 PM
Your Mum Has Seen More Helmets Than Adolf Hitler !
brownbear
13-12-10, 03:32 PM
/\Statistically, 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't happy.

Yeah what you said. lol
dougie_boi
13-12-10, 04:43 PM
wouldnt even ride you into battle
dougie_boi
16-12-10, 05:20 PM
.
Andy
16-12-10, 05:23 PM
i like these often seen on here.....

"Bin the text typing"
"Fancy a holiday?"
"See you in 7 days.."
"Have a seat in the sin bin"

lol
dougie_boi
16-12-10, 05:25 PM
i like these often seen on here.....

"Bin the text typing"
"Fancy a holiday?"
"See you in 7 days.."
"Have a seat in the sin bin"

lolwasnt that bad was it? lol
Asa-James
16-12-10, 10:04 PM
3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the worlds population
mowgli
16-12-10, 10:09 PM
according to government statistics, urine is the most popular liquid produced by the human body