View Full Version : help needed with a clean joke....
well good people of the png forum, it is time for my annual request for the funniest clean joke....
my missus always buys make your own cracker kits, and we all have to buy a gift & write our own clean joke.......
so please help me out..i really need a new clean one, that an 8 year old girl will be able to safely read out.
Southie
08-12-10, 04:57 PM
Me: Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
PNG: No, what about her?
Me: She had no control over her pupils.
What do you do if a blonde woman throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back.
theres more than enough here for that sort of thing
http://thejokes.co.uk/
theres more than enough here for that sort of thing
http://thejokes.co.uk/
hmmmmmm.
The other day, my husband and I bought our small son a jigsaw to keep him occupied while we went out. Imagine our surprise when, four hours later, we came back to find that he had cut his fingers off!!
An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames."
Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."
What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
A very witch person.
Whats the difference between a forklift and a giraffe?
One has Hydraulics.
lee that fails on 2 counts.... humour & age
What do Mexicans put under their carpets?
Underlay.. Underlay...
What do Mexicans put under their carpets?
Underlay.. Underlay...
lol lol lol lol
Two Mexicans walking in the desert, one says " been out here so long i think i'm seeing things" points and says "looks a tree made of bacon"
They run to the tree.. The other guy says that's not a bacon tree, its a hambush....
Doc, I cant stop singing 'green green grass of home'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual'
I'm a sucker for crap jokes, keep them coming lol
ok this isnt really a xmas cracker one but a few points amused me..........
50 THINGS WOMEN CAN'T DO
1. know anything about a car except its colour
2. understand a film plot
3. go 24 hours without sending a text message
4. lift
5. throw
6. run
7. park
8. fart
9. read a map
10. rob a bank
11. resist Ikea
12. sit still
13. tell a joke
14. play pool
15. pay for dinner
16. eat a kebab whilst walking
17. pee out of a train window
18. argue without shouting
19. get told off without crying
20. understand fruit machines
21. walk past a shoe shop
22. make a decent bacon sandwich
23. not comment on a strangers clothes
24. use small amounts of toilet paper
25. let you sleep with a hangover
26. drink a pint gracefully
27. get a round in
28. throw a punch
29. do magic
30. like your friends
31. enjoy porn
32. eat a really hot curry
33. get to the point
34. buy plain envelopes
35. take less than 20 minutes in the toilet
36. sit in a room for five minutes without saying "I'm cold"
37. go shopping without telephoning 20 mates
38. avoid credit card debt
39. dive into a pool
40. assemble furniture
41. roll a bogey between finger and thumb
42. set a video recorder
43. not try and change you
44. watch a war film
45. understand why flirting results in violence
46. spend a day by themselves
47. go to the toilet by themselves
48. buy a purse that fits in their pocket
49. choose a video quickly
50. get this far without having argued with at least 70% of the above
Ive got a friend who's in love with two school bags.
he's bisatchel.
What do you call cheese that isnt yours?
Nacho Cheese
Whats the difference between a forklift and a giraffe?
One has Hydraulics.
I actually laughed a lot at that one :( lol
Two flies in an airing cupboard, which one is in the army ?
The one on the tank !
two elephants jump off a cliff...
boom boom :d
What do you call cheese that isnt yours?
Nacho Cheese
this is even old by my standards.....
come on people, what i need is a joke that can fit in a cracker.... that one of dars wouldn't fit in the cracker box.....
Dar would fit in a cracker... hes kinda funny.
i don't want to see Dar flying over my xmas dinner table....telling his 'clean' jokes as he goes...
I don't need to tell jokes. I just have to say "Proper Job" or "Fertilizer" and people laugh :d
One from Keris (My daughter)
Q: What kind of key opens a banana
A: A Mon-key
now you're talking...... Dar the human airgun pellet...... is it a fly? is it a cracker toy??? no its 'fertiloyzer'
rubachuk
09-12-10, 11:10 AM
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A carrot
Whats brown and sticky, a stick.
Whats pink and fluffy, pink fluff.
Lol @ Dar that was well amusing, did you shout 'Prapper jaab' at Porter or Claire as you overtook them lol
Hoochie
09-12-10, 05:01 PM
Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
Why did the pie cross the road?
Because he was meet 'n' potatoe.
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