ade
03-05-03, 04:09 PM
Got this in an e-mail - mildly amusing.
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 bottles of water and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a philly sub and steak fries. (dunno wot a philly sub is - sorry)
Two-Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the shish kebab from the 3:00 AM kebab excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three-Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the alchopops your alcoholic friends dared you to
drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet coke and yet you have not peed once.
Four-Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
might puke. Your boss has already bolloxed you for being late and has
given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that
can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face(for men).
(for the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair
hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
shits you take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five-Star Hangover, (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next room! Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the shit fairy out yer mouth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.
Death sounds pretty good about right now...
So - which one are you gonna be at the end of this bank holiday???
Ade
:lol:
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 bottles of water and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a philly sub and steak fries. (dunno wot a philly sub is - sorry)
Two-Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the shish kebab from the 3:00 AM kebab excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three-Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the alchopops your alcoholic friends dared you to
drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet coke and yet you have not peed once.
Four-Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
might puke. Your boss has already bolloxed you for being late and has
given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that
can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face(for men).
(for the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair
hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
shits you take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five-Star Hangover, (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next room! Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the shit fairy out yer mouth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.
Death sounds pretty good about right now...
So - which one are you gonna be at the end of this bank holiday???
Ade
:lol: