View Full Version : pissed off
me and my ex split up a few weeks ago and its my sons 1st birthday tommorow
i took the day off work to spend some of it with him, she called me yesterday saying im not getting him at all tomorrow
its her day to spend with him and not mine
****ing woman you cant beat them, such a shame
sorry for the pointless topic but im just pissed off
:( thats bad to hear mate... but like you say women always get their own way no matter what you say or do "/
cheers mate, she is taking the piss
using my son as a weapon is probably the worst thing she could do
sorry to be tough on this issue, but put simply, if you are contributing money for his upkeep, then you must get something legal drawn up asap. with strict days of when you have visitation, sleepovers etc.
i have seen way too many breakups where everything revolves around her & her parents trying their hardest to prove that the bloke is the scum of the earth & try to turn the child against their dad. my own mum did it to me & my brother & sister... i have seen some of the worst emotional blackmail dished out & for every one person that feels happy, there are at least 2 more that are miserable.
women + kids + breakups = end in tears.
Unfortunatly its a sad common fact of life :(
i pay more than enough for my son, and i did get hinm a few days a week but its fading off now
im gonna see a solicitor anyway and get written times and nights over etc
the one thing that piss's me of the most is she has a new guy she is seeing and he will be spending the whole day with my son :(
I agree with Mowgli, when my mum and dad split up we were all stuck in the middle becuase we wasnt sure on who we were living with etc, my dad tried to fight for us for about 2 months if that (pathetic i know) and then just gave up on it and it had been 8 years before he eventually dropped a card off to my house to say happy birthday,
Always fight against it mate (dont end up like my pathetic attempt of a dad), there's no more worse of an outcome then there is now ",
a wont give up, no chance on that just feels like theres feck all i can do right now
NovaLad
10-05-10, 10:27 PM
My mates ex is a b1tch and uses the kids as weapons...
She even admitted it at 1 point when they kinda sorted stuff out.
If i could hit 1 women it would be her because she's making his life hell.
It's not his fault he didn't love her anymore and decided to break up with her rather than letting it drag on and hurting her anymore.
FFS!
My mates ex is a b1tch and uses the kids as weapons...
She even admitted it at 1 point when they kinda sorted stuff out.
If i could hit 1 women it would be her because she's making his life hell.
It's not his fault he didn't love her anymore and decided to break up with her rather than letting it drag on and hurting her anymore.
FFS!
thats exactly whats happened with us, i still loive her but not in love
i thought we could be friends but seems not
NovaLad
10-05-10, 10:33 PM
Doesn't help her mum and sister living on the same row of houses as her either!!!
Total big mouths!
Grrr i'm getting worked up now lol
She was going on about him smoking all the time and sh1t then when they split she started smoking the hipercrit (sp) lol
i dont think it would be so bad but i try not to think about it but all i can see is her new guy playing with my son all day
makes me feel like ripping his head off
NovaLad
10-05-10, 10:41 PM
How long into you splitting up did she introduce a new fella into your lil uns life?
about a week and a half lol
i know he had messaged her on facebook when we were together but she ignored him
wwe were together for 2 years btw
NovaLad
10-05-10, 10:46 PM
about a week and a half lol
i know he had messaged her on facebook when we were together but she ignored him
wwe were together for 2 years btw
Wtf so a week and a half into you 2 splitting up she brought this new guy into your lil uns life!
She a fooking wrong un or what?
Out of order that.
All these women that go on about ''oh and if he thinks now we aint together and he got a new GF that he can just bring her into my daughter/sons life then he got another thing coming''
TOTAL hipercrits!!!!!!!! (sp)
very true mate, if i had myself a new GF i wouldnt walk past my ex's house with me and the new GF and my son in the buggy
i have a bit more respect but she is just winding me up
lewisvalver
10-05-10, 10:52 PM
thats harsh that is!! a week and a half and she had just come out of a 2 year relationship aswell! just keep your chin up mate and get something sorted with a solicitor before things get any worse.
Lewis
yeah mate a will do, i think am gonna jack the nova up and get it finished tommorow
ill lie under that for a few hours and take ma mind off it
dj_wudgey
10-05-10, 10:58 PM
sory to hear it mate shame but thats women for you!
1 good thing lol full day off work
thats the spirit mate, chin up. go down n work on your nova try n take your mind off it but make a plan for goin to see a solicitor n gettin stuff sorted out for seein him n that at the same time.
novaguy08
10-05-10, 11:41 PM
HELLO!!
I actually have experience in this matter.... unfortunately!
Right, long story short, you need to sit down and TRY to sort out a contact plan, where you can get some time with him and she can get some time with him. Say you get him on the weekends, thus not interfering with his schooling later on in life!
If this does not work, its time to lawyer up, there are many well trained Solicitors out there that deal with family matters and will remind your ex that its part of your rights and responsibilities as a father (named on birth certificate i hope for your sake!) to have a relationship with your child, as well as certain other things such as knowing which school he is going to, getting a say in which school he goes to, not to mention many many other things that are listed (google it, I did and come up with some interesting info!)
If she STILL wont play ball and let you see him, or plays funny buggers, then save £175 beans and apply for a contact order (if you pay for your solicitor you may want to go in as your own representation with some handy notes from them, this is because court is REALLY expensive when going through them!), keep £175 put by as if she ignores the contact order you can apply for the courts to uphold the order, I haven't got this far (yet!) however its always useful to know!
In the mean time make sure that you buy him gifts and have them wrapped, next time you have him give them to him there, have a little party, this will make him feel special, however make sure that you give him a card and gift on his actual birthday, regardless if you ex will actually let you see him or not, leave it on the door step from Daddy!
I have just got divorced and have 2 quickly qrowing boys who i am strugling to see because my ex keeps saying things like im hitting them etc, causing them problems! Well when she lets me have them after driving 30 miles to collect them to be ignored and sat in front of her house for an hour before driving back ANOTHER 30 miles! things can get messy, so make sure that your ass is covered at ALL TIMES when with him, especially if she likes to twist things or play funny buggers. My ex builds mountines out of mole hills and twists anything you say.
If you need any more questions answering then ask away!
novaguy08
10-05-10, 11:43 PM
Wtf so a week and a half into you 2 splitting up she brought this new guy into your lil uns life!
She a fooking wrong un or what?
Out of order that.
All these women that go on about ''oh and if he thinks now we aint together and he got a new GF that he can just bring her into my daughter/sons life then he got another thing coming''
TOTAL hipercrits!!!!!!!! (sp)
Would also like to ad, my ex moved her new partner in and had both my boys calling him daddy in 6 months....... made my blood boil however in the long game its always good to have patience!
My ex went mental when I moved out and got another gf in a couple weeks time (old ex hooked up with) whilst I had my youngest son living with me, saying that it was too soon etc etc...... Some women can be REALLY hypocritical when it suits them!
cheers for the info novaguy ill bear it all in mind, ive told her i will come round and sit outside all day and wait for him but she said not to bother
i feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place lol
meant to say my name is on his birth certificate
novaguy08
10-05-10, 11:50 PM
You will do!
dont sit there, go up to the door knock it, if no answer leave the gift and post the card then leave. you need stones of the gods to do it, but it must be done, show that your determined to see him and show that you care for him, or she will walk all over you!
FANTASTIC, you should have parental responsibility then. it changed a while back so you dont have to be married to get it. just named as the father. you have RIGHTS then chap!
Jackroadkill
10-05-10, 11:53 PM
Hi Swedge,
Having been in a not too dissimilar situation myself (although from the other side - I'm the new bloke) I can tell you that it's the father in these situations who decides whether or not his children know and respect him, not the mother. She may try to stop you seeing your son but if you always behave with dignity towards your son, your ex and yourself then he will, as he gets older, appreciate you for the man that you are rather than the man that she says you are.
My girlfriend's ex is a right wet blanket - took us to court saying that we were trying to stop the kids seeing him and then when we suggested in court a proper arrangement for him to have them, he told us that we were offering too much! He only has them one weekend a month and they do feck-all when they're with him.
You don't sound as if you're like him. Our kids don't respect their father, but yours will if you act with dignity and respect for him.
As said, get something sorted with your solicitor, he is your son too and he shouldn't have to grow up without his dad. She should count herself lucky that you are wanting to be there for your son as plenty of guys jump ship.
yeah my mum said something about the rights changing from being married
its not just me thats missing out its all my side of the family that wont see him
i have a cake baloons and a she loada toys sitting in my kitchen doing f all
novaguy08
10-05-10, 11:56 PM
Wrap one up, ask to have him the next day off you have and have another party for him then!!
I had to hold on to xmas toys for nearly 18 months before I gavve them to my kids, its worth it in the end!
cheers guys having a chat wi you guys is easier than speaking to my mum or step dad
a was thinking of making a scrap book of lots of pics of me and him so he can see them when he is older and he can see i did see him and try
Jackroadkill
11-05-10, 12:09 AM
Don't give up, matey. He will know that you're there if you maintain a presence in his life, even if it's from a distance at first. As we've all said, he's YOUR son as well as his mum's and the law now recognises that. You'll most probably qualify for Legal Aid (our kids' dad did, even though he just wasted it) and that should make things easier. If you do have to go to court you'll probably make an agreement with his mum under the supervision of the court rather than be granted a court order. If she breaks your agreement then you can take her back to court and then they're quite likely to impose an order. Hopefully she will see sense and it won't come top all that.
novaguy08
11-05-10, 12:09 AM
Yup, make sure that its a big one too, keep get pics of him helping you on the car, things that he likes to do, make sure that your able to tell him your story too!!
will do guys, ill let you know what appens tomorrow
just read the rest of the thread thats gathered since yesturday night, i dont know how it feels but i have been the kid in the middle of these sort of situations. becuase my dad never tried i never had any memories of what he use to do with us etc
when i met him one time in 8 years he asked me if i would bring he some pictures as he hasnt had any...
he did nothing with us and no one in my family respects him one little bit.
but Swedge, do a scrap book like you said and get alot of photo that will mean alot to you and your son when he grows up where you can sit down with him and show him all the stuff you to did when you were allowed to see him :)
im pretty sure he would respect you 100% more of a dad that tried his best to make the most of your relationship with him :)
well no son today so far and she isnt in her house and no answer on the phoine :(
pete, find out both sides of the story, my mum spent years telling us just how my dad did nothing to help us, ever....... and that he'd even signed away any visitation rights to us.. even though he only lived 100yds away, and god help us if we actually went round there...
well, he was working 70 odd hours a week to pay the maintenance & also provide for his new wife, and it ended up that my mum wouldn't agree to him having any visitation rights....and the whole thing was down to her temper & mood swings...... which 25 odd years later, she still has occasionally......
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