View Full Version : Rock-ME-Hard place
Saloony
19-03-10, 07:31 PM
Right, bit of back ground little while ago i was asked to be best-man at a friends wedding, which i accepted....and now, wishing i hadnt.
This dude, ive been friends with him for years, but we're not on best friend terms as such. We're 2 very different people, i dont even know his mrs that well either, i have tried and failed. Now i started to plan the stag doo had a good day planned, a stop over a night and back home following morning. But his brother-in-law took that right from me and has organised a fri-sun in brighton. So this has knocked my nose out of joint as you can imagine.
Far as im aware there is one activity and the rest is drinking. These boys idea of fun is being sh!t faced by 2pm, ill be driving the mini bus and in no way will i drink that weekend, plus to me its a waste, i know i sound old and grumpy but drink dont do it for me unless i want it which happened at billing and not again since. So, as you can imagine its not my thing. But now i have an even bigger fault,
Finances. Most know i have bought a house and run my own business. Whilst work has been good and i got my dream car from it, ive recently had a hard few months. Been having really tight margins and had to really push to tip the see-saw to a small profit. Then ive been stumped with corp tax and the Vat and my income. So all funds are paying the tax man. And i must retain a healthy float to safe guard myself if work suddenly dried up. With all this, the house has hit me hard personally, ive taken on quite a fair amount and spent 4k alone this month already. So this weekend will turn into a £400 weekend to which i cant afford,
what do i do? I do suck it up and go, or think of myself which i havent done in a long time and save me bothering about were im going get the funds from?
Oh and to this, he came in yesterday to say, he wanted £165 for this weekend, and wanted it today (friday), no prior warning, and me with no cash or ought what so ever.
Tell him to fcuk off :)
Then go shag his fianceé.
Then his mum.
And sister.
novaguy08
19-03-10, 07:47 PM
Hi chap,
If I were in that situation, I would certainly ditch the stag do, tell him the truth with it, that its money, if you had it then you would however you dont.
With the wedding stick with it!! being a best man is a huge thing especially as he asked you over his brother!!
hope this helps you
id drop the stag do mate, maybe suggest a smaller get together like a meal etc
especially as wreckheads are even worse on stag-dos, you'll be ready to kill 1 of them by the first hour imo
brainsnova
19-03-10, 07:50 PM
im with Jack tell them to get ****ed and dont go :thumb:
hang on a minute, doeas this mean theres a spare place on a stag-do ?
Serious answer, maybe politely suggest that said brother-in-law would be a better choice as best man? Fob him off with excuses about being totally bogged down with work and the house at the mo etc.
16v Nova Kev
19-03-10, 07:51 PM
i was a best man once and would never do it again.
Serious answer, maybe politely suggest that said brother-in-law would be a better choice as best man? Fob him off with excuses about being totally bogged down with work and the house at the mo etc.
tbh its not fobbing him off lol its the truth.
Dan had the easiest job in the world as my best man lol
Saloony
19-03-10, 08:04 PM
In my ideal world i would only ever be best man once for my mate Tom, and i would want him to be for me. Me and Jack have been on MSN and basicly have decided along with you lot that its not for me.
As above, there's no point putting extra financial pressure on yourself just for a piss up.
i was a best man once..........................
the day before the wedding i stood on a wasp nest & spent 9 hrs in hospital, and was drugged up to the eyeballs for the whole event....i was not at my best, but at least they still speak to me...
ask the brother in law why he feels the need to do this......cos it appears to be really selfish... why does this mate of yours suddenly ask you then, if you aren't that close, is he a billy no mates or something?? who else is going, the brother in laws mates???
With regards to being a best man, then wishing i hadnt, ive actually done that but not regretted it.
However this geeza putting his nose, well, to me it sounds like hes taken liabilitys & decided to organise it himself...billy bonus! Thats leverage to let him organise the best man speech he'll be making instead of you :)
Fob them off with "work is my life, without it Ive got naff all else, i simply cant commit to being your best man, but being as Mr cockhole oragnised your stag do i think he'll make a fab best man".
Pistol Pete
19-03-10, 10:29 PM
I agree with what Jack posted. First time and second time lol
Just tell him how it is. If he regards you as a good mate, he must have to ask you to be best man, then he will understand.
nova_saloon
19-03-10, 11:56 PM
What a pickle i know what its like to not drink and go out, can be a bit poo. But personally i would tell the truth or pull a sicky. Then do as RJ said, Bang the chick :D
Saloony
20-03-10, 12:40 AM
i was a best man once..........................
the day before the wedding i stood on a wasp nest & spent 9 hrs in hospital, and was drugged up to the eyeballs for the whole event....i was not at my best, but at least they still speak to me...
ask the brother in law why he feels the need to do this......cos it appears to be really selfish... why does this mate of yours suddenly ask you then, if you aren't that close, is he a billy no mates or something?? who else is going, the brother in laws mates???
Yeah see if that happened to me and it was my mate Toms wedding, no one would stop me going, this one i would make sure i was suffering and unable.
I dont speak to this muppet or know him to speak to. I dont know why hes taken it upon himself to do this. This in-law and a couple of others are in each other pockets along with the groom, im not so why am i doing it? Or not doing it, wouldnt be suprised if the speech got written for me too, by said tool. And the other thing is, im not in a position to write a 'good' speech. I didnt see him from 97-2003/04 as he went off the rails, totally different walks of life through school also, but what i know about him, what hes told me, will get him divorced, locked up(on a number of accounts), dis-owned by his family and hated by his kids. Great.
blue_peg_16v
20-03-10, 01:55 AM
i ditch it mate
done best man duty twice for 2 very good mates and hope i never have to again as they are the only 2 id do it for.
a stag do aint worth risking your living for when things are tight
brainsnova
20-03-10, 02:01 AM
i dont see the point in marriage nowadays , its a waste of time and cash.
ill write the speach.
"this man is a ****"
job done then stroll out take some cake one the way, and slap the ass of his mother! gotta do it in style
i dont see the point in marriage nowadays , its a waste of time and cash.
dosent need to cost the earth. We did ours for £7K. If I had my way and it was legal it would have been a lot cheaper with just the two of us on my fave beach in cornwall lol
Jon_nova1
20-03-10, 10:26 AM
£7K you can buy a decent jap import for that, and soon it won't be far of a deposit for a house lol
Do what Stu says
i personally would say your struggling to find the time, and since the in law has kindly organised the stag, maybe he's a better candidate for the job? and since you can't find the time you can't go to the stag......but you'll try and make the wedding lol
£7K you can buy a decent jap import for that
Quite. I would never ever spend that much on a wedding. If I do get married, its for life, not just for the dress and cake. Id rather have the spare cash afterwards to spend on stuff thats usefull.
I dont have much respect for marriage as you can see lol. Thats kind of what happens when your parents get divorced and you watch 3 mates tie the knot and divorce 15 seconds later lol
Jon_nova1
20-03-10, 10:38 AM
lol same here, abit of writing on paper after spending a 4-5 figure sum doesn't mean you will be together for eternity, evolution has not dictated a "special bond" will be made after we've signed something, ate cake and got wasted, it just means the female is happy she no longer has to put out
I got married last August and it did cost a bit but most of that was the hotel and the bloody women's dresses :roll:
My best man was more nervous than I was and ended up half cut by the time we had the meal lol
note £7K is 'cheap' by wedding standards lol (and it was 'free' as I got a nice fat redundancy cheque)
Some friends of ours who are silly skint are spending £20K on theirs.... thats a deposit for a house they dont own lol
£7K you can buy a decent jap import for that, and soon it won't be far of a deposit for a house lol
Jeebus, point me in the direction of the mortgage company who will sell me a house with a deposit of £7k, I'll be the first in the queue!
Agreed with stu on the "cheap" scale. Average cost of a wedding is around £11k. Pretty sure my sisters was £10k, and that kept relatively low-key. They were functional though, they sold their house and made ~£30k profit, which they promptly wanged on a brand new (in 2005) WRX STi Impreza lol Anything under £5k and you're looking at paper plates and a kiddy's magician LOL
I'm a traditional man though, so I'll get married eventually. My schedule was job - house - marriage - kids. Lost interest in the last gf as it would have taken her another 2 years from now to get past the first hurdle on that stage and we broke up about 18 months ago now lol
dosent need to cost the earth. We did ours for £7K. If I had my way and it was legal it would have been a lot cheaper with just the two of us on my fave beach in cornwall lol
what beach would that be?
Jon_nova1
20-03-10, 11:53 AM
Jeebus, point me in the direction of the mortgage company who will sell me a house with a deposit of £7k, I'll be the first in the queue!
thats why i said soon it won't be far of a deposit for a house, so aske me towards the end of the yearlol
blue_peg_16v
20-03-10, 11:55 AM
how you work that out house prices are increasing again
but in rough areas round here jack you can easily get a house for 70k so 7k deposit would be fine
Thats the norf though. I don't want to live up there lol
Lets just say for an average 3 bed semi down here you'd need a 10% deposit of about £20-25k!
what beach would that be?
Watergate Bay FTW. We could have done it in the hotel, but that wouldnt have been good enough.
sulphur
20-03-10, 12:36 PM
Regarding weddings, the mrs and I are getting wed in August, and all in it's gonna cost us around the 3.5k mark. That's including venues, registrar, dress, suits, drink, meal, rings, evening venue, DJ, food, cars..etc. Full works really.
Not going all glitz and glamour 'cos it's more about the meaning for us, BUT we did get a steal on the venue. :cool:
Saloony
20-03-10, 12:50 PM
Lets just say for an average 3 bed semi down here you'd need a 10% deposit of about £20-25k!
Double that, if your self employed and single....... Like me :cry:
pikey1986
20-03-10, 02:18 PM
Lets just say for an average 3 bed semi down here you'd need a 10% deposit of about £20-25k!
about 17k round here and that'll even get you a garage in some area's
i got married for about £1k
the car was borrowed, the wedding dress was paid for by me rewiring & plastering a kitchen
the pub that sorted out the bar & the village hall put on a buffet for nowt, but the guests had to pay for the beer themselves..... if i'd paid, i'd still be paying it off 15 years later!!!
we invited just exactly who we wanted & partied like it was 1995..............
[quote=mowgli]i was a best man once..........................
the day before the wedding i stood on a wasp nest & spent 9 hrs in hospital, quote]
WTF?! How did you manage that? and how are you still alive?!
blue_peg_16v
20-03-10, 05:40 PM
Thats the norf though. I don't want to live up there lol
Lets just say for an average 3 bed semi down here you'd need a 10% deposit of about £20-25k!
i know ive been looking will be there in about 4 years lol
Bin them all out. Dont do it at all.
i was a best man once..........................
the day before the wedding i stood on a wasp nest & spent 9 hrs in hospital,
WTF?! How did you manage that? and how are you still alive?!
i only had about 200 stings. and i am fairly allergic to stuff like that.. my colleague drove me like bluddy hell to the big hospital in leicester... i was stuck on all sorts of chemicals & not allowed to drive for a week.........
and it was in a pile of wood i was clearing & it hurt more than anything else i've ever done
Saloony
23-03-10, 10:37 PM
Well problem sorted, still being best man, but have ducked out of the doo. Safe
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