Dave
02-04-03, 03:20 PM
just got these on e-mail from the bird!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
Rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered "1"on purpose.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons blokes fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obviously hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind
us frequently beforehand.
1. Mobile phone batteries tend to run down. Please charge them and
keep them charged.
1. Most blokes own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
What we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1 You can either ask us to do something or tell is how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
commercials.
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, For example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to - expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss topics as: pubs, the shotgun formation, fishing, football or cars.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. NO! No, you really DO have too many shoes.
1. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight.... But did you know
We really don't mind that? It's like camping.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
Rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered "1"on purpose.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons blokes fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obviously hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind
us frequently beforehand.
1. Mobile phone batteries tend to run down. Please charge them and
keep them charged.
1. Most blokes own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
What we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1 You can either ask us to do something or tell is how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
commercials.
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, For example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to - expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss topics as: pubs, the shotgun formation, fishing, football or cars.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. NO! No, you really DO have too many shoes.
1. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight.... But did you know
We really don't mind that? It's like camping.