Dear Santa..............

[Andy_L]

I would like for Christmas a large case of Doom bar and some spannering skilz

[large_steve182]

There are approximately 2 x 10^9 children (persons under 10 in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 x 10^6 (according to UN statistics). Taking an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 x 10^6 homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1 x 10^-3 seconds to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 x 10^6 stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 x 10^6 miles, not counting toilet stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3 x 10^3 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.....got that....uncle al will continue...

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 x 10^3 tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them Santa would need 360 x 10^3 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54 x 10^3 tons.
550 x 10^3 tons travelling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance. This would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 x 10^30 joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 x 10^-3 seconds, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of a transition from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in 1 x 10^-3 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17.5 x 10^3 g. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by a force of 4.3 x 10^6 pounds, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of goo...i conclude......

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now...

[LEWI007]

lol, Steve that was a very interesting read.

+Rep.

[stupot89]

pmsl lol
+1

[ben doodar]

thats genius!!

[~~joycey~~]

lol

[gtachorley]

:) Wtf!!?!

[Angus Closier]

hahaha

[blue_peg_16v]

awsome + rep

[kelbelle]

Thats brilliant and incredibly mean :(

[novaload1992]

lol + rep

[Mike]

I want a Pony.

[Jon_nova1]

pfft, we all know santa stops time to complete his dropping off!