View Full Version : crap jokes
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"
"No, I couldn't find her head."
xe_nova9
05-10-09, 10:45 PM
lol
Necrol0lz
Dude, is this the only crap you post on here? lol
is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying ******* told you I was speeding, too!"
Southie
05-10-09, 10:48 PM
Life story then lol was she warm?
xe_nova9
05-10-09, 10:49 PM
lol
It was the funeral of the bloke who invented the Hokey Cokey the other day.It was all going so well, until they lifted him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, and thats where the trouble started
Southie
05-10-09, 10:54 PM
Have you just bought a joke book from the poundshop? lol
Two blokes and a woman are washed up on a desert island after their cruise ship sank.
With no hope of rescue, several months went by and nature took it`s course...
After a couple of years the woman, disgusted and ashamed by the fact she had been sleeping with two men, killed herself.
The men had no option to carry on, and after a few more months nature once again took it`s course...
Another couple of years went by, and the men became disgusted and ashamed of what they had been doing, so....
they buried her!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3SXBirhH7s
Nova_Tek
05-10-09, 11:01 PM
lol smart ar*e
Nova_Tek
05-10-09, 11:06 PM
lol
EDIT: Had to read it twice though
daverobson
05-10-09, 11:07 PM
:)
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a
handgun.
He shouts "this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!", and
proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks
off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer
in the head and shouts.. "Did anybody else here see my face?".
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter
and goes over and shoots him in the head also.
"Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun
around. There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice
is heard from a distant corner..
"I think my missus caught a glimpse...."
Nova_Tek
05-10-09, 11:14 PM
lol but was expecting that. IIRC there was a very similar scene to the joke which was on Family Guy was it not?
Nova_Tek
05-10-09, 11:17 PM
That is a poundshop jokebook joke lol
Nova_Tek
05-10-09, 11:18 PM
:)
i dunno mate, love family guy though
Have you just bought a joke book from the poundshop? lol
yeah, they were having a sale as well
Dude, is this the only crap you post on here? lol
nope> http://www.pngclub.com/forum/showthread.php?t=131547
Nova_Tek
05-10-09, 11:22 PM
How much did it go down to? lol
Nova_Tek
05-10-09, 11:23 PM
Was wondering if you had made any non-joke related posts/threads.
How much did it go down to? lol
50% off.....i bought the other half for 50p as well lol
gazjoiner
05-10-09, 11:34 PM
/\ lol fpmsl
They probably paid him to take it!
Wouldn't it be better to just put all of these on one thread save spamming the muppet corner? If that's possible? lol
nova_saloon
05-10-09, 11:37 PM
lol 50% off at pound land
I'm sure admin could put them in one post if they feel the need lauren
They probably paid him to take it!
Wouldn't it be better to just put all of these on one thread save spamming the muppet corner? If that's possible? lol
Lolwut
http://www.pngclub.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1343663&postcount=9
Jon_nova1
05-10-09, 11:58 PM
thats it, i've had enough of the jokes lol
-repped lol
MK2 Cat
05-10-09, 11:58 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3SXBirhH7s
LOL, wtf? lol
Vauxhall-Scotland
06-10-09, 12:10 AM
lol
gazjoiner
06-10-09, 12:15 AM
lol :thumb:
Heard that one before but still worthy of a lol
Woowoomanawoo, wtf...........?
Woowoomanawoo, wtf...........?
Cool face/angry man, you know "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"
Cool face/angry man, you know "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"
Just keep on taking those tablets kid:roll:
MK2 Cat
06-10-09, 12:41 AM
Life story then lol was she warm?
Ahaha, made me LOL. cheers.
old as the hills but still worth a lolz
lol but was expecting that. IIRC there was a very similar scene to the joke which was on Family Guy was it not?
Yeh there is, its when Lois becomes mayor or something and she tries to stop the toxic waste being dumped in the lake IIRC
Still a good one lol:thumb:
Nova_Tek
06-10-09, 11:15 AM
^^ That might be the one. Off to find the clip If I can be bothered lol
novaload1992
06-10-09, 04:38 PM
lol
anyone else got any crap jokes then??
Southie
06-10-09, 07:35 PM
A man walks into a bar. Ouch!!!
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