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The Simps
22-06-09, 05:46 PM
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'


THERE'S MORE...

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'


IT IS NOT OVER YET..

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'


:wtf:

Pistol Pete
22-06-09, 05:54 PM
lol

Dod will not be amused though....

stupot89
22-06-09, 06:02 PM
rofl

Rich
22-06-09, 06:09 PM
quality lol

Nova_Tek
22-06-09, 06:31 PM
lol 3 in 1 joke.

mikec123
22-06-09, 06:44 PM
lol lol lol

daverobson
22-06-09, 07:50 PM
:wtf:

Sloth
22-06-09, 07:58 PM
afpmsl!!!

shy witness
22-06-09, 08:01 PM
hahahaha.


very good

wizzy
22-06-09, 08:37 PM
pmsfl lol

vxr_racing_2008
22-06-09, 09:00 PM
:roll: lol

Dod
22-06-09, 09:06 PM
:wtf:


Agreed. Poor effort. I have funnier Irishman Jokes than that.

The Simps
22-06-09, 09:30 PM
:d

paddy138
22-06-09, 09:49 PM
agree with dod, we should pull out the nglish man jokes

wwmnw
23-06-09, 01:35 AM
That was crap, Bring out the English jokes.

novaload1992
23-06-09, 04:56 PM
hengliding, haha

Dod
23-06-09, 08:43 PM
Paddy and Sean were driving home from the pub after a session on the beer. A Guard comes up behind and pulls them in. "You were weaving over the white line there a bid Paddy" said the Cop. "No I wasnt Guard" replies Paddy.
"You were, sure wasnt I following you?" "I'm telling you now Guard, I wasnt".

The Guard steps back and gets a bit rowdy and said "Paddy, I'm not blind, I saw it" Paddy goes to open the door in a fierce rage and jumps out. "I'm telling you now Boyo, I wasnt ****ing weaving over that road, say it again and I'll knock you out."

Then Sean gets out and goes to the Guard, takes him to one side and whispers to him "No point arguing with Paddy when he's drunk."



Another night Paddys driving home from work and a Patrol car stops him. He rolls the window down about 4" and looks straight out the front window. "Licence please" says the Cop, "Dont have one" said Paddy.

"What?" Says the Cop? "I dont ****ing have one I said" replied Paddy.

"Who owns the car?" said the Cop. "I dunno, I stole it sure."

"Please step out and open the boot sir" said the Cop.

"I cant" said Paddy, "theres a dead body in the boot".

The Cop gets a bit worried and said "Put your hands on the steering wheel please sir" Paddy replies "sure I'll drop my Gun then"

The Cop runs to the car, calls for back up and when it arrives, he explains the situation to his Sergent who then goes up to the car and says to Paddy. "Can I see your Licence please?" Paddy says, "Ah yeah sure" and hands it to him. "Who owns the car there Paddy?" "Ah its my own officer" The Sergent then asks Paddy to open the boot, and he does, only to reveal a tool box and tool belt. "Our Guard here said you wouldnt do anything he asked, he said you had no licence, you stole the car, you were carrying a corpse and a gun, what do you say to that? Paddy looks at the cop and grins. "I suppose he told you I was speeding as well?"


Last one.


Paddy was driving along one night when he was pulled again. "your tail light is out Paddy". Paddy jumps out and kicks the back of the car, sure thing, it comes back on. "Is that all Guard?" says Paddy, the Guard looks at him and says "You better come here and kick your tax disc as well Paddy."

Tidy Max
24-06-09, 09:04 AM
do you actually crack english man jokes in ireland?

Dod
24-06-09, 11:57 AM
**** yeah!!!


Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scottsman were in a hot air baloon when they realised that the blower had stopped leaving them out in the middle of the ocean. Realising there was too much weight to carry them back to land, Paddy Scottsman stood up and announced "I'm going to do this for Scotland, the Country I love." He then jumped off, sacraficing his life so the other 2 could live. After a short while it became apparent that they were still carrying too much weight, when Paddy Irishman stood up and said "I'm doing this for the Country I love." He then threw Paddy Englishman out.

carrie_girl_wonder
24-06-09, 12:04 PM
hehe funny! I know some good jokes but they're a bit rude for on here I guess lol

carrie_girl_wonder
24-06-09, 12:08 PM
haha hengliding

wwmnw
24-06-09, 11:17 PM
**** yeah!!!


Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scottsman were in a hot air baloon when they realised that the blower had stopped leaving them out in the middle of the ocean. Realising there was too much weight to carry them back to land, Paddy Scottsman stood up and announced "I'm going to do this for Scotland, the Country I love." He then jumped off, sacraficing his life so the other 2 could live. After a short while it became apparent that they were still carrying too much weight, when Paddy Irishman stood up and said "I'm doing this for the Country I love." He then threw Paddy Englishman out.

lol:cry:lol:cry:lol I DEMAND MOAR! PM me some if needs be, I have never really heard any anti English jokes or anti white for that matter and would like to.

bmw156
24-06-09, 11:29 PM
lol brilliant

yeh i have some racial ones but thats not for the forum,

dod, keep the jokes coming