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vxsri20
11-06-09, 07:05 PM
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Jessica Alba starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed
and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is optional. At
that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's
choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

8: When stumbling upon another guy watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing..

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's
officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model ,
and when it's free.

11: Only in situations of mortal peril are you al lowed to kick another
guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked..

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watcher.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

22: It's the morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a
friend' have had carnal, drunken sex. The fact that you're feeling weird
and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.

24: It is illegal for a man to buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,
lime green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for
Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want! ' gets an
Xbox360. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition of each is listed below:

'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife squarely
on the ass and having the balls to say, 'YOUR'E NEXT FATTY :thumb: !'

novaguy08
11-06-09, 07:54 PM
rofl

Dude F-U-N-N-Y!!

wizzy
11-06-09, 08:14 PM
thats great lmao lol

L14MNP
11-06-09, 08:20 PM
Very good. Seen it before as no doubt people have seen this lol

Rules of Shotgun

1. The shotgunner must be in clear sight of the car, and shotgun can be called regardless of whether the driver is in sight of the car

2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey you are automatically given shotgun. You retain this position for the entire journey, unless you violate rules 12, 17, 23 or any other rules stipulating the loss of shotgun.

3. You cannot declare shotgun if someone has previously declared shotgun for that journey.

4. When simultaneous shotgun is called, there is then a foot race to the passenger side door from all the people who called.

5. Shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless you are in a multi-storey or underground car park!)

6. Shotgun cannot be called in advance, only whilst on the way to the car for the journey.

7. Once shotgun has been called the driver has the option of a reload. The driver yells “reload” and this means that all previous calls of shotgun are void and the first person to call shotgun again gets the seat. This is helpful if the driver really doesn’t like the person who first called shotgun. It is often used when there is a simultaneous call and the driver is unsure of the outcome. Note that a shotgun has only 2 barrels so a reload can only be called once.

8. Ja rob rule...if he’s in the car shotgun now means back left, so he cant punch you every time a yellow car goes past.

9. Once shotgun has been called for the front seat then back left and back right can be called. This effectively leaves the slowest person to travel in the middle (of the “b**ch” seat).

10. Because everyone is created equal, men have the same right to the front seat of the car as women (ie women don't own the front seat!).

11. If the regular driver of the vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given shotgun.

12. Once the journey has begun, the driver is the obvious controller of the tunes. However if they feel the road requires their full attention, or they simply cannot be arsed any more, duty is passed to the shotgunner. However putting on crap tunes or allowing for silence when the iPod finishes a song or ANY instances of TAKE THAT will result in demotion to b**ch seat.

13. Anyone calling shotgun must have his or her shoes on. This is to stop people running outside and calling shotgun, then having to go back inside to put their shoes on and slowing the journey. This is known as the Shoe Rule.

14. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsies and other girly calls!

15. Despite the debate, shotgun CAN be used to shotgun things other than the front seat (eg back left, back right, women, not going to answer the door, etc).

16. When travelling with a couple, one of the couple MUST shotgun the front. No one wants to chauffer two of their mates whilst they are in the back all over each other.

17. If someone has successfully called shotgun, they have the right to the front seat. They do not have the right to correct the driver on their navigation skills ("take a left here you dickhead!") or driving ability ("I'd be in third gear if I was driving"). If the passenger does this, then they forfeit their position as shotgun holder.

18. If someone says, "what’s shotgun?" after it has been called then they have to walk.

19. If the shotgunner attempts to open the door just as the driver is unlocking it and jams the lock half open so that the driver needs to lock it and unlock it again, the shotgunner forfeits their position. This is known as shotgun suicide.

20. The holder of shotgun assumes the responsibility for all gate opening, off license nipping into, takeaway ordering and question asking. He/she is in essence the copilot and therefore the enforcer of behavior in t

21. Automatic "couple's rights act 1997". This law states that, if the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, this person has the right to the seat of their choice.

22. If one of the potential occupants of the vehicle is dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun. In the event of more than one pirate being present, a sword fight shall determine the successful shotgunner. This is known as The Pirate Rule.

23. When driving past a woman walking a dog, everyone in the car must shout out the window, "who's walking who?” It is the shotgunner’s responsibility and failure to spot potential heckling, results in demotion to the b**ch seat!

24. When riding in a 2 or 3 door car, it is the responsibility of the shotgunner to allow rear passengers in and out of the back of the car, NOT THE DRIVERS!! Regardless of the weather conditions.

25. Obviously the previous rule on the subject didn’t clarify things completely with everyone coming up with a new rule that over rules shotgun. NOTHING overrules shotgun. Shotgun is final and cannot be overruled!!!!

26. It is the successful shotgunners responsibility to be on the look out for any police and/or speed cameras. if the shotgunner doesn't spot a speed camera and this results in a speeding ticket it is immediately their fault and not the drivers.

novaload1992
11-06-09, 09:32 PM
holy crap thats a lot of rules for shotgun

novaguy08
11-06-09, 10:10 PM
:wtf:

Erm?? Pirate?


22. If one of the potential occupants of the vehicle is dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun. In the event of more than one pirate being present, a sword fight shall determine the successful shotgunner. This is known as The Pirate Rule.

Hobbit
11-06-09, 10:57 PM
Well RJ is breaking rule 24 of man rules for a start. :)

kelbelle
12-06-09, 05:29 PM
There brilliant! I love Man rule 2 actual rofl!

Im happy that someone has finally clarified shotgun! By mates boyfriend is always trying to wheedle his way into the passenger seat of Martin's car! He has obviously never heard of Rule 21!

mayhem
12-06-09, 05:45 PM
lol at the shotgun rules.

Smurf-Xx
12-06-09, 07:41 PM
Objection to rule 23! Lol

blue_peg_16v
12-06-09, 08:52 PM
lmao