Lee
25-04-09, 11:29 PM
Im getting close to horsy genoside on a massive scale involving lots of petrol in used vodka bottles.
Ive recently moved to a farm which has been split up and sold off in chunks (myself and my business partner have one of these chunks). Unfortunately, there are a lot of fields surrounding us, containing a lot of horses, as well as a mahoosivve stable.
There is only one way into the farm down a track, which has a large piece of grass alongside it. Now, the poxy horses get lead out to the fields in the morning, and brought in at night. This shouldnt be too much of a problem except...
The women who own these horses are the most unbelievably arrogant daughters of bitches the planet has ever seen. Regularly I am coming down the drive, and Im presented with a horses ass, and another ass leading it along the road. Now, there must be some unwritten rule which stops them being able to walk the feckers along the grass instead of the road, or maybe they are told that to own a horse you have to wait for a car to come along, look over your shoulder to check you have maximum annoyance coverage, and then walk slower than an athmatic ant with some heavy shopping, without pulling over?
They then continue to move the bloody things in the dark. I was reversing out of the drive the other day and stopped two inches from hitting a black horse being led by a woman dressed in black, who were both less than invisible. I was then treated to an earful from said bint about looking where I was going.
THEN they decide that instead of having a nice afternoons trot around the acres and acres of fecking fields they have availiable, they think it will be far more fun to slip the mare into 'epic slow' gear and meander off up the lane leaving big piles of wheelarch clogger all over the place. And 9 times out of 10 its a group af teeny tiny women riding what could be mistaken for elephants which get scared if a mouse farts in the opposite county, so they are impossible to pass without risking horseshoe prints in your bonnet unless you drive literally IN a hedge whilst aforementioned stupid biatch wrestles to keep the petrified animal under control.
I mean, these women dont even bother to be attractive! I wouldnt mind following a lady leading a horse if her rear was mildly pleasing, but they have all obviously been attempting to ride horses since time began, and have a piece of plasterboard where their buttocks should be, and probably a vagina like a hippo's grin.
Its not IF i hit one of these things one day, its WHEN, and im going to be to blame because Im in the car. I just hope that when I do, I dont hurt the horse, but the rider eats tarmac or windscreen or both. If im going down, im taking one of the f*ckers with me!
Ive recently moved to a farm which has been split up and sold off in chunks (myself and my business partner have one of these chunks). Unfortunately, there are a lot of fields surrounding us, containing a lot of horses, as well as a mahoosivve stable.
There is only one way into the farm down a track, which has a large piece of grass alongside it. Now, the poxy horses get lead out to the fields in the morning, and brought in at night. This shouldnt be too much of a problem except...
The women who own these horses are the most unbelievably arrogant daughters of bitches the planet has ever seen. Regularly I am coming down the drive, and Im presented with a horses ass, and another ass leading it along the road. Now, there must be some unwritten rule which stops them being able to walk the feckers along the grass instead of the road, or maybe they are told that to own a horse you have to wait for a car to come along, look over your shoulder to check you have maximum annoyance coverage, and then walk slower than an athmatic ant with some heavy shopping, without pulling over?
They then continue to move the bloody things in the dark. I was reversing out of the drive the other day and stopped two inches from hitting a black horse being led by a woman dressed in black, who were both less than invisible. I was then treated to an earful from said bint about looking where I was going.
THEN they decide that instead of having a nice afternoons trot around the acres and acres of fecking fields they have availiable, they think it will be far more fun to slip the mare into 'epic slow' gear and meander off up the lane leaving big piles of wheelarch clogger all over the place. And 9 times out of 10 its a group af teeny tiny women riding what could be mistaken for elephants which get scared if a mouse farts in the opposite county, so they are impossible to pass without risking horseshoe prints in your bonnet unless you drive literally IN a hedge whilst aforementioned stupid biatch wrestles to keep the petrified animal under control.
I mean, these women dont even bother to be attractive! I wouldnt mind following a lady leading a horse if her rear was mildly pleasing, but they have all obviously been attempting to ride horses since time began, and have a piece of plasterboard where their buttocks should be, and probably a vagina like a hippo's grin.
Its not IF i hit one of these things one day, its WHEN, and im going to be to blame because Im in the car. I just hope that when I do, I dont hurt the horse, but the rider eats tarmac or windscreen or both. If im going down, im taking one of the f*ckers with me!