Lets get ready to Ramble (AKA the emmy and sloth flirty lovey thread)

[Sloth]

thats epic funny simps.
/me awaits paedo bear type bollockin

[Pistol Pete]

lol will probably get nazi edited...but i nearly wet myself at this!

EDITED! Was a naughty pic which, well...yes. That is all.

[Sloth]

thats just soooooooo wrong pete!








have some rep for making me lol

[brainsnova]

lucky spudly is on his dinner break

[Spudly]

Oooh, i bugger off to serve a customer and you do a naughty then edit it, awww i wanna wave the ban-stick lol



Wouldnt ban ya really sweet xx

[Pistol Pete]

lol was probably abit too naughty to be fair!

[Sloth]

twas just wrong man......

[Stuart]

** Simps graciously awaits his sin bin **


wrong but funny joke ftw

[Emmy]

Im in love !!!!! :D xxx

[The Simps]

Im in love !!!!! :D xxx


:confused:

[brainsnova]

Im in love !!!!! :D xxx

with ice cream and a flake

[Sloth]

with two guys called ben and jerry?

[Emmy]

with two guys called ben and jerry?

LOL lol lol

Hows things Sloth? :p

[Sloth]

great hun, keeping busy, ;) hows you?

[Emmy]

Sounds good :) Im fab thanks!! :D x

[kelbelle]

I'm ill :(

Got a cold and a sore throat and been lugging totes around at work all day so now even worse

[dave.gsi]

just checked my phone (with built in pedometer :cool: ).....i've walked 10.6 miles today while in work, and i've got a face like a fecking tomato - its been a scorcher.......and i'm off tomorow as well whoop whoop :D

[kelbelle]

We're off to thorpe park tomorrow to go on the new Saw ride so here's hoping for some more nice weather. Lets hope the nova makes it lol

[NovaBoi92]

was told to post random stuff in here by spud. so.

Year 2 class in Bradford comes in from playtime. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at playtime?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a chocolate Hobnob."

She does and gets a chocolate Hobnob.

The teacher asks Michael what he did at playtime.

Michael says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

The teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a chocolate Hobnob."

Michael does, and gets a chocolate Hobnob. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at playtime.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Michael, but they threw rocks at me."

The teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go to the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a chocolate Hobnob."

[Southie]

Oy I live near Bradford you cretin...








... I love chocolate hobnobs lol

[NovaBoi92]

you live near bradford? thats ok, imi sure people wont mistake you for Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud ;)

[Southie]

you live near bradford? thats ok, imi sure people wont mistake you for Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud ;)
I've never seen her so how would I know lol

[NovaBoi92]

Why are chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great watching one fall down a flight of stairs.

[The Simps]

Why are chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great watching one fall down a flight of stairs.


lol lol lol lol

[Southie]

lol

[NovaBoi92]

I'm about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties.

My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: She bought me some Viagra;

And I've bought her a treadmill.

[Southie]

Have you swallowed a joke book? As that sh1t is funnyish. Copy and paste FTW

[NovaBoi92]

:p i have indeed swallowed a joke book. Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

[Spudly]

Why are chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great watching one fall down a flight of stairs.




What do you call a chav in a box?


Innit.


What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it?


Safe.


What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?


Sorted.


Two chavs in a car with no music, whos driving?


The feds.


What do you say to a chav in a suit?


Will the defendant please rise.


What do you say to a chav with a job?


Yeah, can i have a big mac meal please.


lol

[kelbelle]

oooo We've been chopped again!

Loved the slinky chav joke lol

Two cars full of chavs are playing chicken but both drive off the edge of the cliff, who wins?

Society

[NovaBoi92]

A police officer is driving down a quiet road when he sees a pregnant Chav girl with a coat hanger up her pussy.

Police officer says ''I'm arresting you on suspicion of performing an illegal abortion''
The Chav girl replies ''Nah mate, I'm just piercin' its ears, init."

[let_nova]

What do chavs use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter!

[let_nova]

If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to run him
over?
It might be your bike.

[let_nova]

http://www.chavworld.co.uk/

[NovaBoi92]

Said to the wife this morning
"Last night when we were making love,were you faking it?"
"No" she said "I really was asleep"

[NovaBoi92]

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick sh*t... How about yourself?"

The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some cnut in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

[Sloth]

a fiesta with 4 chavs in it goes over a cliff, whats the problem?












a fezzy seats five.....

[Spudly]

Iirc that joke was originally about a nova:roll:

[NovaBoi92]

I'm so ugly I have to rape my hand.

[Sloth]

yes it wasd, but hey, were nova lovers here

[Spudly]

Na nova lovers are the n00bs, nova haters are the enthusiasts, when youve been here long enough you will know this lol

[Sloth]

psh, when you hate em yet still buy em is a true enthusiast.

[Spudly]

psh, when you hate em yet still buy em is a true enthusiast.


My point exactly:thumb:

[Jack]

psh, when you hate em yet still buy em is a true enthusiast.
I dispute this claim, I hate them but still bought one, and I'm in no shape or form an "enthusiast"

[Matt2107]

I hate them and the only one I'd ever have again would be Shaun's jamaica yellow saloon.

[kelbelle]

I spent £80 on a pair of shoes today and dont even feel guilty....alright maybe a little bit lol

[Allie_Ox]

I spent £80 on a pair of shoes today and dont even feel guilty....alright maybe a little bit lol

lmao, i love doing that!

but i never feel guilty.. i just feel better lol :thumb:

[Sloth]

oooooh fresh meat...

hai, a/s/l plz kthxbai!!!

[Allie_Ox]

oooooh fresh meat...

hai, a/s/l plz kthxbai!!!

umm hello :)

[Sloth]

now you did it, you spoke back.

hello, i'm sloth, i'm very nice really, thats/\ just the std male to female reaction on here. welcome, and enjoy the png!!!

[The Simps]

^^ ignore his false pleasantries - he's the worst of the bunch!!

[The Simps]

how's it cracking Sloth?

[Sloth]

very good ta simps mate, the cavs coming home in a month, i have a saab lump aswell i just have to collect the thing, i'm gonna be a best man soon, and i'm getting married...... happy days! hows your fine self?

[The Simps]

not as sound as you by the looks of things! lol

Na seriously - lifes good :D

[Sloth]

aye its agood year. heres to it continuing. hows the saloon?

[The Simps]

working on it this week as I'm off. I want to have the front end finished and in primer by the weekend then start cutting out the other rear arch for turreting.

[Sloth]

mint, i await progress pics dude. will it be at pvs?

[The Simps]

will it be at pvs?

lol

[Tim-SR]

oooooh fresh meat...

hai, a/s/l plz kthxbai!!!

nice to see your getting along with my mrs sloth lol

[Sloth]

indeed tim, shes fair game the minuite she logs on imho!


/me hopes mrs sloth doesnt see this thread.....

[Tim-SR]

indeed tim, shes fair game the minuite she logs on imho!


/me hopes mrs sloth doesnt see this thread.....

lol shes mine!

indeed mrs sloth would not be pleased:roll:

[Sloth]

lol im a ho!!!

indeed, but mrs sloth is ill in bed mate. hows the 15 door?

[Allie_Ox]

lmaoo! i find this hilarious to read :)

tim never usually gets jealous.. think hes gone a bit funny in his old age :)

[Tim-SR]

lol im a ho!!!

indeed, but mrs sloth is ill in bed mate. hows the 15 door?

lol its not bad mate getting some -60 springs for it on sunday and maybe a digi dash, hows the 5 door lazy box corsa? lol

[Sloth]

sold mate, replaced with a celica ss2 lazy box special. goes well tbh. and real comfy. i'm after a legacy gtb twin turbo or a supra turbo i think....

[draper]

car chat ? in a mincing thread ? this plaxce has gone downhill, next PNG chat wont have manlove

[kelbelle]

I was thinking the same!

[kelbelle]

Hold on! Where has Emmy disappeared to?

[draper]

I was thinking the same!

we have something in commen - lets ****

[kelbelle]

lol excuse me!

[draper]

we have something in commen - lets ****

[kelbelle]

ok ok you dont have to shout, you'll have to clear it with Martin im afraid

[draper]

so youve considered it already ;)

[kelbelle]

pfff

[Sloth]

someone say png gangbang? ok less car talk more, who's bumming who chat. i hear burgo has had a hair cut....

[kelbelle]

why does he have/did he have long hair or something?

Its an all male gang bang, sloth what happened to emmy? Did I scare her off?

[Sloth]

shes busy with her fella, and now im working i never get chance to speak to her. he did have long hair if the roumours true. all male? hun thats a normal night on here, how bout getting in the middle of a sausage fest?

[draper]

we could play cards on your back

[kelbelle]

I wouldnt want to ruin your fun!

[Sloth]

youd add to it, believe me! and draper, id have my beer on it,and the cards on tim-sr's missus' back!

[draper]

brink bex and id have somewhere to park my bike aswell

[kelbelle]

oohhhh I would take that as an insult and why have i been relegated to table?

[Sloth]

think yourself lucky your not glass, lmfaosh1ttytableprononredtube

[Jack]

brink bex and id have somewhere to park my bike aswell
LMFAO bex jokes FTW!

[kelbelle]

naively says huh?

[Spudly]

Lol, ^^^^^



Wouldnt know and trust me youre lucky lol

[kelbelle]

I want to know :(

[Spudly]

NO!!!!!


You dont, really!

[kelbelle]

oh go on I watched all of that man putting that jar up his bum i can take it

[Spudly]

oh go on I watched all of that man putting that jar up his bum i can take it


Omg you seriously didnt?????


Wtf.......................




Sick bitch:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:



:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

[kelbelle]

My favourite part was then showing it to my mates lol

[Spudly]

Sick, wrong, depraved and downright strange!

[draper]

Sick, wrong, depraved and downright strange!

you called darling

[Tim-SR]

oh go on I watched all of that man putting that jar up his bum i can take it

OMG! i can watch it as far as when he gets down to start then it gets turned straight off! its just horrible and strange:tard: lol

[kelbelle]

pmsl at Draper

Well? What are you all going on about?

Oh and i didnt watch the one where they cut their willy's off

[Tim-SR]

Oh and i didnt watch the one where they cut their willy's off

if you didnt watch it how do you know whats in it? :p

[Spudly]

you called darling



Oh hai hunny lol

[Sloth]

kelle you sick sod, now i know why martins with you, lmao!

bex was a hippapottacrocadillapiglet. but, i would have, and so would spud pre-one night stand.

[draper]

Oh hai hunny lol

asl plz

[kelbelle]

because i started to and then when i saw what they were doing i switched off

[Spudly]

and so would spud pre-one night stand.


Piss off soppy bollox i think not, i wouldnt have done from the pics let alone the meeting, martin was after that pleasure and even he was put off:eek:



Anyways, draper, a = old enough s = stella drinker l = one nova drive away from you & pub lol

[Tim-SR]

because i started to and then when i saw what they were doing i switched off

good i would be worried if you was able to watch it with out feeling slightly sick lol

[kelbelle]

Im waiting!

[draper]

Piss off soppy bollox i think not, i wouldnt have done from the pics let alone the meeting, martin was after that pleasure and even he was put off:eek:



Anyways, draper, a = old enough s = stella drinker l = one nova drive away from you & pub lol



anytime sweety

[Spudly]

I wouldnt say stuffs like that as you may find yourself foisted with a spudly one night if i dare try yo keep up with you lol

[Sloth]

kelle, what for? i have no transport to get to you and martins rota'd for tonite.
spud, lmffao @ soppy bollox, football factory methinks?

[Jack]

martin was after that pleasure and even he was put off:eek:
If martin won't hit it, it must be rough lol

[Spudly]

If martin won't hit it, it must be rough lol




Jeebus, you mean youve not actually met her??

[kelbelle]

Im waiting to know what this table and glass stuff is about sloth

[kelbelle]

oh spud im pleased to see I have graced your facebook status lmao

[Jack]

Jeebus, you mean youve not actually met her??
You know I have. The "RAAAAYYYYYZOORRRJAAAK" at PVS07 is still etched in my brain.

[kelbelle]

I was it high-pitched and squealed?

Oh just you wait for pvs now lol

[Spudly]

You know I have. The "RAAAAYYYYYZOORRRJAAAK" at PVS07 is still etched in my brain.



LOL



lol



Wasnt sure due to the last comment you left lol

[Sloth]

kelle, google "scat" and "glass coffee table" with the filter off......

[kelbelle]

ok now off to do that but im scared! I get the feeling this is going to be a tub girl type thing! Hang on is this some old men?

[kelbelle]

ok well homohealth.com was really helpful, I dont need a picture if there is one lol

[brainsnova]

what have i missed.

[kelbelle]

something about pooing on coffee tables

[brainsnova]

lol not my thing but i know a weirdo that got ripped for liking it

[kelbelle]

Sloth?

[Spudly]

Hmmmm, its bedtime but the beers are flowing like silk and i know i have to be in bed and ive drunk far more than i should........


Do i...

A finish the last three fosters in the fridge..

B go to bed and thank myself for being sensible in the morning?

[kelbelle]

A all the way baby the night is young lol

[Sloth]

no, its not my thing either. my old preist likes it apparently......

[Spudly]

A all the way baby the night is young lol


But thats the only thing though, i however am not and its a skool night lol

[Sloth]

indeed, old man sloth is off to bed in a mo too. man this last year has aged me no end.

[dave.gsi]

dentists............money grabbing, pain inducing, ginger *******s.

i hope they all die a slow and painfull death.






that is all

[Jack]

methinks dave has had some dental work lol

[brainsnova]

my teeth are great :thumb: not seen a dentist since 1999.

[Sloth]

hey im ginger-ish......

[kelbelle]

My dentist is always putting fillings in or taking teeth out. Actually she hasn't pulled any teeth out since I was like 14

[L14MNP]

Only had one tooth out and no fillings/work ever. I don't see the big issue with dentists. lol

[kelbelle]

There's nowt going on here this evening! Where is everyone?

Im bored, entertain me please!

[let_nova]

http://i555.photobucket.com/albums/jj465/PACKKING10/2a0j3u0.gif

[kelbelle]

Thats horrible lol

[brainsnova]

http://i555.photobucket.com/albums/jj465/PACKKING10/2a0j3u0.gif

how does the dad explain that at the hospital lol

[let_nova]

Thats horrible lol


sorry.

[let_nova]

http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh311/tchui1/hall%20of%20fail/ddecec6455.jpg

[Jack]

how does the dad explain that at the hospital lol
He doesn't. He just puts her back in the basement where she belongs

[kelbelle]

Can someone please explain to me why Martins mum keep's getting so het up about a bloddy gravy jug?

[draper]

slap that btch

[kelbelle]

Oh believe me I'm itching to already!

[draper]

murder doesnt count if its your mother-in-law

[Matt2107]

Is it wrong to want there to be real life zombies?