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vxsri20
13-01-09, 07:52 PM
A LOVING WIFE





A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked
you
at 80 miles per hour, sir.

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says 'Now don't be silly
dear, you
know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls, 'Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man growls at his wife and says through clenched teeth,'Damit,
woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, ' And I notice that you're not wearing
your
seat belt, sir.

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off

when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back
pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat
belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns
to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always
talk
to you this way, Ma'am?

.
.
.
'Only when he's been drinking.'

BIGS
13-01-09, 07:55 PM
lol very good

Rich
13-01-09, 08:14 PM
lmao lol

brucer
13-01-09, 08:29 PM
lol

bmw156
13-01-09, 08:31 PM
lol

NovaJackie
13-01-09, 09:50 PM
lol v good

ben doodar
13-01-09, 09:53 PM
lol

Count Vaux Alot
13-01-09, 09:59 PM
lol :thumb:

Emmy
13-01-09, 10:01 PM
Hah good one lol

Riggy
13-01-09, 10:03 PM
lol

stuartyj21
13-01-09, 10:17 PM
qualitylollollol

paddy138
13-01-09, 11:10 PM
i have another one like that

A man gets pulled over for speeding by the gardai (irish for the police)
the garda asks can you explain yourself why you where speeding
the man says, see a few years ago a garda officer ran away with my wife and when i seen the patrol car behind me, i tought he was coming to leave her back

Sloth
13-01-09, 11:18 PM
ha ha, very good.

Plug
13-01-09, 11:27 PM
good jokes chaps lol :thumb:

MyNovaSr
14-01-09, 01:45 PM
lol lol lol lol

Fantastic.

Gibbo
14-01-09, 07:02 PM
lol nice lol

wizzy
14-01-09, 09:26 PM
lol good one

mayhem
15-01-09, 09:17 PM
not worth a new thread...:

**THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:**

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon


**THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:**

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate


**THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:**

1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to pee in this car park or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Spudly
15-01-09, 09:21 PM
Thats mint i likes that one, have some rep:thumb: