Can you be friends with someone you still love?

[Will]

As above really? Any ideas, having a bit of a head fuk with gf recently turned ex gf?

Advice wud be cool.

Will

[Anton]

I think you can try, but it has never worked for me :( I tried 2 be my ex's friend but just couldnt :?

[Anton]

oh and its also hard trying to be friends if you have seen them naked and slept with them :o

[Matt Finary]

You can try but I will not work. I try it with my last g/f and it was ok until we sleep together again and them she wanted more and I didn't.

Matt :)

[Will]

:(

Yeh i know, i still love her, being friends is just so hard but i dont wana lose her for good, dunno wot to do! :(

ARGHHHHH

Sad Nutter

[Anton]

its also VERY VERY hard when you see them with someone else...

[Will]

I really am not looking 4ward to that happening at all, that will just screw me up.

.....................:(

[Anton]

i think the answer is, find yourself a nicer better girl :D

[Matt Finary]

Is it over over or could you patch it up?

Matt :)

[Will]

very much doubt we will get back together and it wud never ever be the same even if we did, its friends, m8s or nothing at all, allthough i will bump into her at uni loads i know it :(

[?Marty?]

The answer is: it depends.

And it depends on a number of factors - such as why the relationship ended, who ended it and etc.

But because you still love her, it will not work. It would only work if neither of you have any such feelings for each other anymore.

Obviously it's because you don't WANT friendship if you're still in love. But that's ALL THAT's OFFERED, so you just wanna know if it'll be enough to keep you happy. And no, it won't.

The best thing for you to do is to sever all ties, and try to never see her again. Over time you will be ready to move on.

Sure it might seem like a nice idea, being friends afterwards, but it very rarely works. And if it appears do so, it's only because one of the persons has done his/her best to convince themselves (and mainly others) that that's all they want and that they're totally happy. Which is very rarely the case.

However, do not do the opposite, and act like you hate her and call her insults and etc.

[wisewood]

I have to say - just because people have tried and failed doesn't mean it can't be done...

My ex, Kate and me are really good mates... we were sorta friends before we got together and then 2 years later we split because we decided it just wasn't gonna work anymore, too many arguements, grown apart etc etc. She is now one of my best mates, and vice versa... because we know each other so well, we know all the stuff that's going on in each others heads all the time so it is easy to talk to each other.

She is now with someone else - well actually this guy is the second...
The first bloke she started seeing a month or so after the split, and she asked me if I would mind if she went out with him, so me being a nice bloke I said she shoudl do what she wants... so she did. I HATED HIM!!!
Even now, if i saw him in an alley way and I knew i could get away with it I would kill him... He wasn't a bad person, and treated her ok i suppose but i just hated him. I thought it was because he was her new boyfriend but can't be - because i stil lhate him and the bloke she is seeing now is great - really nice guy... old... but nice bloke... 40 i think he is... but he is really really funny. So you can't not like him. Besides, he wont be around too long he is too old :lol:


So in short - yes you can be friends with someone you still love because I am crazy about Kate. Love her to bits... would do anything for her... but I know friendship is all we can have - and without that there would be nothing... better to have her in my life as a friend than out of it completley - couldn't stand that.

[MattyWoo]

the wise one speaks sense AGAIN!!!

[wisewood]

quite ironic really that my chosen name has nothing to do with my wisdom or common sense... it was chosen simply because it was a cool sounding word i saw on the front of a bus in sheffield...

I was born in sheffield... so i thought - you know what... that can be my new name. 8)

I think you will find that i do speak sense most of the time though... I generally tend to keep my mouth shut if I can only give bad advise or know nothing about the matter. Which is obvioulsy not very often since i never bloody shut up :lol:

[Slatter]

well...

im back again

nutter listen to this :roll:

last night kate (ex) made me and mate stay at her house. mate was paraletic and passed out.

As we are strictly only friends.... i slept in her bed and she slept on floor.

10 mins later she was inbed with me.. she was cold

Now i didnt shag her BUT
i didnt know wot to do... as we said we were only gonna be friends i didnt wanna do anything really.

I warmed her up that was about it.

It was going through my mind
do i
dont i
do i
dont i

I think i made right decision, but wish id tried now the morning after! :lol:

hope things go ok
slatter

[wisewood]

the whole do i dont i thing - oooh dear. lol

thing is if she had wanted you to i am sure she would have let you know by doing more than just getting into bed with you... women generally make certain of these things i've found. :lol:

you made the right choice mate...

by the way, very gentlemanly of you to let her take the floor like that. lmao.

[Slatter]

she said have the bed :lol:

nahh she made excuse of being cold wanted to get in
of course i obliged..

we got a bit close but i think i did right thing also

[wisewood]

if she had wanted it she would have made it crystal clear mate... always the way... never had a lass be subtle about telling me she wants a go... sure at first they are but if you don't spot it it soon becomes clear :D

[Will]

Cheers for advice and that lads :)

I like what wisewood had to say cheers, shame i didnt get to chat with at mk, doh! if you look at pics which are now on the site im the one sitting in the bucket seat looking stupid, lol.

I still love her well at least i think i do, the hardest thing is im stuck at home and shes at uni, its only 30 miles apart but i cant get there at the mo, im gona have to drive to colchester over xmas to see her and sort this out, its vutting me up and i dont like that.

Will

p.s. slatter good choice abt kate, i know how much she played with ur head! good friend u dont need the head fuck none of us do.

[Freak]

Common theme running through with the name Kate here it would seem (Wisewood, slatter and myself).....

Its even harder when you both want to give it another go and you both love each other- but circumstance dictate you can only be 'friends' (and i use that word very loosely).
Put it this way- if i knew we would only be 'friends' from now on and there was no feeling there on her part and we would never see each other in that way again- i wouldnt talk to her at all- or have any contact whatsoever- it would be too painful.

I know she doesnt want to be 'friends' any more than i do- but thats all we can be at the moment because of a load of shitty complications etc.

And its fucking shit

But back to your original question- no i dont think you can be- and i have always said this.
Obviously there are exceptions to every rule, but i dont know of many personally.

If by friends you mean hanging out type friends then good luck to you- but most couples that have split i know of that are by their own definition 'friends'- means that they are civil and talk/meet up not too often. Cetainly not a close friend.

When you have feelings of love for someone its impossible to view them as purely a friend. :cry:

If you can stand it then give it a go- but it might get too painful for you or her even to stand-(you say you love her). She must know you want it to be more- and if she feels pressured she might end the friendship. If it does your head in then you might not be able to carry on. Who knows.
Just give it a go-
As the one who is wise and wooden said:
better to have her in my life as a friend than out of it completley - couldn't stand that.

:?:

[Will]

Cheers Freak that makes a lot of sense :)

The way i view friendships is that there are 2 kinds.

M8s and friends

M8s are people you go out with, see down the pub etc etc, u know them they know you you pass the time of day but they dont know nething personal abt you and you arent close which isnt particularly a bad thing

Friends on the other hand are all the above put they are there for you and you are there for them, they know things abt you you would only tell them as you trust them and seek there advice etc

As for me an Natalee, i very very much doubt we will get back together and as i said it will never be the same, i think i can be m8s with her, its nice to think that we can be civil when i see her down the union or around uni etc and pass the time of day. As for friends i dont think so, we were such close friends b4 we started seeing each other and wot happened was a natural progression, i think this is kinda a one way street you cant really go back, or can you?!

I have lots of confusion as im sure you can tell

Thank you for all your advice and if you have nething else to add plz do

cheers

Will

[Freak]

Been through all this shit b4- going through it again.

Very big difference between mates and friends....

Noone can predict the future, and women seem to have an ability to change their mind as often as their socks.
If she was to change her mind then if you were still friends it would be easier.
If you werent talking then its even harder.

Not saying thats whats going to happen-but its another factor.
Fucks with your head doesnt it.... :| :cry:

Give it a chance and see what happens.
she might end up being your best mate- or your worst enemy.
Or both.

Dont dwell on things too much and dont worry about the future.

linenbasket@hotmail.com- msn if u wanna chat dood..

[RobIsGrt18]

will m8, im in kinda the same situation just reversed, the girl i like is one of my closest friends and i kno that we cud quite easily go out, but...........my best m8 likes her 2!! dunno what to do??

whats the saying........."its better to have loved and lost than to av never loved"

[Dave_Hay]

no you cant just be friends cos it would be a false friendship.

in time you may become friends but now i say u gotta have her as gf or just leave her for a while.

and rob u spoke to them both about it?

[carltoncrazy]

nutter m8,im kinda wiv ya,i neva have had an x 2 b m8s with,coz they`ve both died,
but truast ive had some proper shit fighs with trac(the last g.f)
laong the lineees of,"wish u were dead etc".
anther thing ive said is,"it willneva b the same"
thats the biggest piece of shit ive eva sed,ya can,u forgot wot happen in time,end of the day,fuck how u feel,how does she feel?
i wont give it all the shit saying ive had loadza girls etc,coz ive only had 2,neva needed any more,the only way to make things work is to think of the other person before you.
jus think,if u really really really caried y dont u drive every weekend to c her?
how long were u seeing her?
TIME IS THE BEST HEALER

[brian]

i honestly think ya could only be friends with your ex if ya turned into an arsebandit and women didn't interest ya at all!! broke up with gf of 5 years 2 years ago and went through all the same shit as you. time does cure it and now im going out with an unreal girl for over a year and could never look back. by the way i hardly even talk to the ex now, get on fine but whats the point F**KING with your head everyday!

[Fester]

ask her out again she sounds well nice

[Will]

Fester thats not her, and p.s. rachael has a lot of issues to sort out b4 that can happen, this thing with natalee has been going on for a year now. Rachael was inbetween over the summer when we agreed to stop things as we wudnt see each other but as soon as uni started the feelings i had were stronger than ever so it all started up again and now ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, oh well!

[Fester]

shit. send her up here then she still sounds well nice!!

[wisewood]

I like what wisewood had to say cheers, shame i didnt get to chat with at mk, doh! if you look at pics which are now on the site im the one sitting in the bucket seat looking stupid, lol.


No problem mate... always happy to help.

As for these pictures... where are they?
can't be bothered to look for them.

[Will]

LOL Andy theres a link on the front page m8, lazy!!

Will

[wisewood]

cheers mate - i never look at main page really... usually just go straight into the forums.

[CP]

Jeezuschrist@ulot!!:lol: I thought when you were young you were sposed to be full of the joys of spring without a care in the world and with endless possibilities stretching out over the horizon. I flick thru this lot and I find it reads like an episode out of Dawsons Crack where the local chapter of the Suicide Society has ridden into town lol!

So you split from your woman, its sad but it happens to everyone eventually. Whats meant to be will be - dont spend ages agonising over it cos it just aint worth it. You are young and you dont need the grief - you can get all that when you are married for over 20 yrs like me lol! The laws of probability predict that you are compatible with literally '000s of girls in this world so get out there and start looking. There is one out there who will want to spend the rest of her life with you thru thick and thin. And she might not even mind you messing about with modded cars lol

And Slatter I thought that was cool m8. A nice bit of head fcuk back in her direction. She'll be left wondering alsorts about that. Women get used to men always wanting to shag them at any given the opportunity. Being unpredictable and occasionally turning them down esp. when you know they are well up for it can yield unexpected benefits

[wisewood]

Now that is the true voice of wisdom on this site... the bloke has more years than any of us (no offence CP) so he must know what he is talking about.

My mate Karl here (who is also old :D) agrees fully with CP.


Yepp... forget her and get another.

:lol:
but we all know it's not that easy at the time don't we... :D
or maybe back in the day blokes were brought up "harder" than us soft modern men :lol:[/quote]