Who'd win in a fight...

[Dod]

.Steven Segal
.Jean Claude Van Dame
.Chuck Norris


I say Segal everytime.

[wisewood]

for the sake of clarity, are we saying TODAY, or in a theoretical land where each of them is in his prime?

[Dod]

Prime Land. Although I reckon they're all still pretty hard.

[wisewood]

Yeah but with each at their peak you get a more fair representation. Van Damme is younger so has a slight advantage there... and Segal is now a fat old *******.

[BIGS]

i take burgo option and say jackie chan would kick the asses

[wisewood]

well if you want to get into it like that i am sure Jet Li would kill them all but there is no burgo option.

[Dod]

Jackie'd run out of Breath and Segal'd be all like "I'm just a Cook" and beat his heat in without even moving.

[Dod]

Other Actors are eligable as well.

[Welsh Dan]

Get off my plane.

[wisewood]

Can we go with characters instead of actors?

[Dod]

Yeah, why not?

[wisewood]

OK i will go with Ivan Dragor

[L14MNP]

Yeah! Definitive answer there.

[Welsh Dan]

If we're going for characters, Luc Deveraux. (universal soldier).

[wisewood]

No way. Drago would have his head off. Though i suppose technically i should say Rocky Balboa given that he does beat Drago in the end - against all the odds. Eye of the tiger son, eye of the tiger!!

[L14MNP]

yeah, he faired better than the kin of sting, the count of monte fisco? the master of disaster etc...

Drago would kill the re-animated GI imo!

[wisewood]

But, would he - because Drago was acutally the same person as the nemesis of Luc in universal soldier... and Luc kicked him into a harvester or something lol

[Lauren]

I reckon you would win Wisewood. You big strong man you. :)

[wisewood]

lol I wondered when someone would finally see sense.

[Mike]

Shizzle, the Mitchelin Man would kick all there @sses.

[Panman]

VanDamme all the way. Been a fan for years, and met him twice. Mind you I have done martial arts for 25 years and now my son has just won the world cup at 9 years old (he's a first Dan black belt), so were both pretty big fans.
http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r185/Panman_photo/mediumwow.jpg

[wisewood]

Nice one. Though for all his first dan skills... he's left his nuts seriously exposed to a simple flick that would leave him on the floor in this pic.

[Panman]

True. He's got his own web site www.joshmeek.co.uk (http://www.joshmeek.co.uk) , but i don't want any sleazy comments about my wife whos on there (shes a body builder).

[wisewood]

you do know that given the crowd you're with here you might as well beg for comments on her by saying something like that?

Body builder wife; not as scary as i imagined when i heard "body builder".

[Panman]

Yeah your right, wasnt thinking. Still fairly new. Everyone here seems pretty decent though. Unlike some forums.

[Lauren]

True. He's got his own web site www.joshmeek.co.uk (http://www.joshmeek.co.uk) , but i don't want any sleazy comments about my wife whos on there (shes a body builder).


Ooooo where is your wife?

edit: found her! That must take some work

[wisewood]

Yeah your right, wasnt thinking. Still fairly new. Everyone here seems pretty decent though. Unlike some forums.

On the whole we keep a pretty friendly house around here. Occasionaly eejit shows up but is usually run out of town before long for disturbing the peace.



Lauren, i reckon 10 sit ups, 10 press ups and 5 portions of fruit and veg a day is all that is required to maintain a physique like Panmans wife. Its in the big book of wisewood, so must be true.

[Panman]

Wouldnt be so bad if I saw her now and then. She just won the BNBF miss Physique at the weekend. 6 meals aday and alot of weights.

Wisewood, your right people here seem well relaxed. Can't wait for a meet to see people.

[wisewood]

Can you bring your lad along to act as security to keep everyone in order please?

[Lauren]

On the whole we keep a pretty friendly house around here. Occasionaly eejit shows up but is usually run out of town before long for disturbing the peace.



Lauren, i reckon 10 sit ups, 10 press ups and 5 portions of fruit and veg a day is all that is required to maintain a physique like Panmans wife. Its in the big book of wisewood, so must be true.

I don't do press ups, but i do sit ups and i eat more than 5 portions of fruit a day and quite a lot of veg, and i dont have a body like that

[wisewood]

its the press ups. if you did them, bingo - it'd all click into place within a week. FACT.

[Riggy]

segal ftw , although he would strugle with MR T fool

[Lauren]

its the press ups. if you did them, bingo - it'd all click into place within a week. FACT.

Ha! I have enough trouble sticking to what I do. I'm an ex fat person lol

[Panman]

Can you bring your lad along to act as security to keep everyone in order please?
Ha, he'd love that. He's a massive nova fan. He's getting my GTE when he passes his test.

And Lauren, don't do it. It take over your life. I used to do it but decided I love pizza too much.

[wisewood]

Ha! I have enough trouble sticking to what I do. I'm an ex fat person lol

I'm an ex skinny > ex fat person... now floating in the middle somewhere. Tend to scoff crap for a couple of weeks and then try and lose the weight i just put on. Constant battle but i love the food too much.

[wisewood]

Ha, he'd love that. He's a massive nova fan. He's getting my GTE when he passes his test.

Awesome!! Get him signed up to PNG. Buy him a membership for christmas.

[Lauren]

Ha, he'd love that. He's a massive nova fan. He's getting my GTE when he passes his test.

And Lauren, don't do it. It take over your life. I used to do it but decided I love pizza too much.

Already done! I worked my way from a size 22 to a size 14. Still a way to go...

[wisewood]

well done!!

[Panman]

Already done! I worked my way from a size 22 to a size 14. Still a way to go...
That is brilliant. You must be well pleased.

[Lauren]

Thanks! Yeah I am pleased. I didn't look huge as I'm quite tall and it spread out quite evenly lol
But I'd like to lose a little more. I could never be as dedicated as your wife though!

[Dar]

Bruce Lee would win.

[Jack]

God.

[Dar]

God.
Which one?

I reckon Ares would be in with a shout (God of War).

[General Baxter]

ME
lol

[Andy]

They probably not even hard in real life,grant or phil mitchell would probably take them

[twistysnovagte]

Kimbo

[Ash]

Big Dave FTW

[Jack]

Which one?

I reckon Ares would be in with a shout (God of War).
Dunno, they're all fictional anyway, so whichever


http://i192.photobucket.com/albums/z121/Filterlab/party-smiley-004.gif

[Lynsey]

Hmm, I'd win :) Yes Baxter, even up against you.

[Jack]

If we're talking PNG members, £10 on Marty please.

[Lynsey]

I'd kick his ass too :p

[Jack]

Pfft!

You may kick alex's ass though. Whilst both wearing bikinis. In mud. :cool:

[Lynsey]

You underestimate me lol
That sounds like more fun :D

[Jack]

Well thats the entertainment sorted for the National Day then lol

[Alex.]

She'd kick my ass?! She's shorter then me!! :p

[jimbob-mcgrew]

lol razorjack bustin out "god", can u test that ? he would just open up the ground below you, no chance.

but in this one.. stevie boy easily in his prime - ive seen a vid of him in a dojo in japan, close-lining multiple students that were coming at him one after the other (30 odd of them) and slammin them to the ground with one swift move, he made it look easy.

[Sturge]

You're all wrong, techno viking is blatantly the hardest being ever to have existed




(you tube search for all of you who are now wondering what the hell i'm on about lol )

[ade]

wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG!

You forget - the Hoff

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u241/auntkitty_photos/beware_the_hoff.jpg


Hoff only has to open his eyes and the others crumble - even Norris!

[Andy]

Hoffs a fag

[ade]

he eats fags - lit

[Jack]

Hoffs a fag
BLASPHEMY!


Cant stop the Hoff!

http://www.play-girlz.com/wp-content/uploads/waxhoff.jpg

[Andy]

lol lmfao

[Sturge]

When the big boys force him to

[ade]

rubbish - and I quote

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face

David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

With facts like this who can deny that the others will fall by the wayside?!?

[wisewood]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2397915)
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2400566)
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2397918)
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2400580)
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2397921)

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398292)
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398853)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398871)
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2397937)
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398861)
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2400514)
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398858)
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398875)
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398050)
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398856)
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2398885)
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2400549)
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. (http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?sid=19781&product_id=2400582)
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. (http://19781.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/?&product_id=2901285)There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. (http://19781.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/?&product_id=2901548) Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song. (http://19781.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/?&product_id=2901303)Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. (http://19781.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/?&product_id=2901325)Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip. (http://19781.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/?&product_id=2901441) Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. (http://19781.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/?&product_id=2901454) Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. (http://19781.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/?&product_id=2901480) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. (http://19781.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/?&product_id=2901491)

My favourite highlighted in red lol lol

[Dod]

Wow, that must have taken you ages. You fancy Chuck dont you?

[wisewood]

www.chucknorrisfacts.com (http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com) - there are a lot more! This is the original site that started this sort of crazy truths type stuff that ade was quoting about the hoff. Chuck Norris is the original and best.

[Lauren]

You have waaaay too much time on your hands...

You forgot 'chuck norris can smell what the rock is cooking'

I've always liked that one lol

[Dod]

http://datacore.sciflicks.com/terminator_2/images/terminator_2_large_09.jpg
I reckon the Terminator T40 GSi 8v Would beat the **** out of anyone.

Chuck Norris is a big Bitch. Thats why he has the Beard, to make him look manly.

[wisewood]

Only a real man has a beard.

Terminator model T101 is sh*te. Always being outclassed by newer models. If it werent for his human friends he'd be killed off easily every time. I mean, FFS, sarah connor finished off the first one pretty much by herself.

[Dod]

Yeah but in the next 2 films the T40 GTI model was kicking ass. He beat the Melted Solder Terminator and the Skinny Leccie Woman Bot in the Third, but the first Terminator in the first film would have killed Sarah Connor had it noot been animated in a 1950's Dinosaur style.

[Panman]

Chuck Norris is a big Bitch. Thats why he has the Beard, to make him look manly.

Don't tell me you would'nt have one if you could grow one. Wish I could grow a proper beard. There are only two men in this world that can grow a beard, Chuck and Brian Blessed.

[Dod]

Beards are for Biblical Characters like Jesus and Moses.

[wisewood]

Yeah but in the next 2 films the T40 GTI model was kicking ass. He beat the Melted Solder Terminator and the Skinny Leccie Woman Bot in the Third, but the first Terminator in the first film would have killed Sarah Connor had it noot been animated in a 1950's Dinosaur style.

In T2 and T3 the T101 was pants. The liquid metal (T1000) in T2 battered him, and it was only a combination of Sarah Connor blasting it with the shotgun towards the molten steel, and then arnie coming up with the grenade launcher that sorted it out - again - human friends saved him. The T1000 had battered him.

In t3 T101 only beats the superior model by sticking its fuel cell into and destroying both of them in the process. Hardly a showing of superiority is it. Like saying that a suicide bomber who takes out 5 soldiers is harder than the soldiers were when everyone is dead in the end anyway.

[wisewood]

Beards are for Biblical Characters like Jesus and Moses.

I AM a biblical character.

[Dod]

The T101 (?) Has prevailed throughout when used for good. Ok, He dies but he still won. Dolhp Squarehead is usually always Evil so the T101 would kick his head triangular.

[wisewood]

T101 track record to date;

T1: Killed by a woman.
T2. Battered by T1000 and only wins with one arm because a woman had the T1000 on the edge anyway.
T3. Battered by superior model again. Only wins by self destructing and taking out the enemy. If you die killing your enemy, surely this is a draw.

If cricket rules are applied, T101 loses the series 2-0. lol

[Dod]

T101 track record to date;

T1: Killed by a woman.
T2. Battered by T1000 and only wins with one arm because a woman had the T1000 on the edge anyway.
T3. Battered by superior model again. Only wins by self destructing and taking out the enemy. If you die killing your enemy, surely this is a draw.

If cricket rules are applied, T101 loses the series 2-0. lol

Wins twice. And as Dolly has often said, 2 out of 3 aint bad.

[Panman]

Is there a T-800 series??

[Dod]

Yeah http://home6.inet.tele.dk/louring/pic/RN_Rover800_Si.jpg

[wisewood]

Dod you are retarded. The T101 doesnt win. It gets its ass kicked and resorts to cheating (letting the human do the work). http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/t/t800.htm

Panman. Yes, you are right. Its actually a T-800 model 101.

[Dod]

You edited your post you Mofo!!

[wisewood]

What? Which post? I havent edited any?

[Dod]

Bollox. Your earlier post stated that the Terminator won twice and its since been changed and the word WIN edited out.

Thats low man, thats low.

Anyhoo, regardless of cheating, the T101 Wins on 2 occations. Dress it how you like but he wins and would with ease kick Chuck Norris round the country.

[wisewood]

Dod you just read it wrong. It said lose. Hence it says lose in your quote also. I have absolutely 100% not changed it. No bullsh*t. You just looked at it wrong and read what you wanted to see.

Also, if sarah connor can beat it, Chuck would have no problem.

[Dod]

Sarah Conner is a mental Menstral Nut Job though. She'd also beat Chuck. She'd kill him with some waste pipe and salt. Blow the Bastid right up.

[wisewood]

Chuck would have know this was coming and would have killed her great great great grandmother. To be fair, this would be the most logical line of attack for skynet to take to prevent her giving birth to john connor in the first place. Skynet would easily be able to calculate the implications of killing someone this many generations back to see if it would cause a huge time rift.

[Dod]

I'd kick skynets ass. And Chuck Norris and everyone else. I would however require a vast quantity of Jameson's Irish Whiskey as it always makes me better at everything.

[Panman]

Sorry ment to say T-600 series or is it the T-1000000 series. Or am I talking S**t.

[Dod]

Its a T40 C16SE 8v

[wisewood]

I'd kick skynets ass. And Chuck Norris and everyone else. I would however require a vast quantity of Jameson's Irish Whiskey as it always makes me better at everything.

Panmans kid would kick your ass in seconds.

[Panman]

You got that right...

[Dod]

Bring it on.

Seriously though, I could kill you with my Thumb.

[wisewood]

i would kill you with my toenail clippings. Fact.

[Panman]

Errgh. Watched a chick flick the other night (wifes choice) (hottie and the nottie), and that reminds me of the manky toenail part, the bit where the infected toenail flies off her big toe and into the guys mouth.

I was going to post a picture, but every time I looked at the nail i kept retching.

[wisewood]

dont do it. ever.

[Panman]

There are only a two things in life that scare me one is manky feet the other is that orrible dog in the other post.

[wisewood]

i'm scared of everything. the dark, the light, noise, silence, smells, colours... everything. i am also allergic to oxygen.

[Dod]

You need drugs.

[wisewood]

I take a cocktail of medication twice a day already.

[Dod]

Ok, well try not taking them and see. Its Propaganda you know, similar to that of Humpty Dumpty,

[wisewood]

No its really not. If i stop taking them i go completely nuts. No matter how much positive thinking i try and do.

[Dod]

Ok, and whos told you that you'll go nuts?

[wisewood]

pmsl. Do you think i havent tried it for myself? I am not a puppet that does what it is told no matter what.

If i stop taking the pills i get tension at first, a bit like mild paranoia, and it builds from there. The world hates me if i dont take my medication. Everthing in the world. Even the grass and the clouds. Especially the flowers.

[Dod]

Thats exactly what the Man wants you to think WW. The Government and Chuck Norris have plotted this from way back. In fact, it might even say this in Chuck Norris's Wikipedia entry if you give it a few minutes.

[wisewood]

Doesnt matter what they want me to think. What i have experienced proves that its true. If it wasnt, i wouldnt go through the hassle of taking them, would i?

[Dod]

Well if you were nuts you might.....


Anyway, whos the ultimate Female Fighter Actor?

[wisewood]

Dod. Not joking.

Kylie Minogue in Street Fighter. lol lol lol

[Dod]

Yer one out of Kill Bill. She's a mega nuts bastid Bitch.

[wisewood]

Ripley in Alien Ressurection. She's a bit of a wuss in the others when she isnt half alien lol

[Dod]

She is fit as fook in Alien Resurection. In fact just thinking of her is giving me a resERECTION.


Boom Boom TISH!!!

[Lauren]

She is fit as fook in Alien Resurection. In fact just thinking of her is giving me a resERECTION.


Boom Boom TISH!!!

Urrrggghh really? I think she's got a face like a slapped a*se!

[Dod]

Hell no!!

Also, the film she did with Jenifer Love Hewitt. HOT AS ****!!!

[Panman]

What about Eunice huthart!

[wisewood]

no way she compares to a human alien hybrid. but she was good at gladiators lol

[Lauren]

Hell no!!

Also, the film she did with Jenifer Love Hewitt. HOT AS ****!!!

hmmm, I'd rather have Jennifer Love Hewitt personally

[wisewood]

me too

[Panman]

hmmm, I'd rather have Jennifer Love Hewitt personally
She is nice, but in the latest Ghost Wisperer she is getting a rather large ar*e.

[wisewood]

and there is a problem with that... because?? lol

[Panman]

Point taken.

[Dod]

Na, I'd still go Sigorney (ffs!!) Weaver anyday.

[Panman]

All three charlies angels, oh yeah.

[Dod]

Ok, pick one fantastic looking girl out of the three.

They're 7.5/10 at Best.

[Panman]

Oh my god, i've gone into melt down. Cameron... No..... Drew, yeah Drew. No Lucy. No Def Drew.
Phew!!!

[wisewood]

Lucy. Cross Eyed.
Cameron. Skinny.
Drew. Average at best.

lol

[Jack]

Drew Barrymore, purely because you know she'd get her tits out at any opportunity and be up for a quick shag anytime, anywhere. The other two, well they just don't have the tits to get out in the first place.

BTW, Odd, your fascination with Sigourney Weaver is wrong.

[wisewood]

Drew Barrymore, purely because you know she'd get her tits out at any opportunity and be up for a quick shag anytime, anywhere. The other two, well they just don't have the tits to get out in the first place.


So thats what you look for in a girl then? So we can assume Alex fits that criteria?

[Jack]

Unfortunately not :( Anybody wanna trade? lol

Having said that, she DOES have boobs. Large ones. Excellent.

[wisewood]

Really? I must be the only one who hadnt noticed :-p

[Jack]

I never noticed them either tbh. I was clearly taken by her personality when I first met her.

[wisewood]

Her personality? Really... ??? lol

[Jack]

Shhh!

[wisewood]

Lmfao