jokes i am going to put them all in one folder

[Anonymous]

> > If men wrote the agony aunt columns in Cosmopolitan - they'd probably
> read
> > like this.........
> >
> > Dear Cosmo:
> >
> > Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed sex with me and my
> > sister.
> >
> > A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you,
> > so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an
> issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some female
> > cousins involved as well? If you are still apprehensive, then just let
him go
> > with your sister and female relatives, buy him a nice, expensive
> present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his
behaviour.
> >
> > Dear Cosmo:
> >
> > Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
> >
> > A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a>
> > spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a
> > great glow to the skin. It's interesting that a man should know this.
> > Obviously his offer for you to perform oral sex with him is totally
> > selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves
> > you. Best thing to do is to thank him afterwards and show him you
> > appreciate this by buying him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a
> > nice meal.
>
> >
> > Dear Cosmo:
> >
> > Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
> >
> > A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged.>
> > The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men.
Far
> > from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is usually a stressful
> > affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look
back at
> > how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home.
Best
> > thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
> > meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
> >
> > Dear Cosmo:
> >
> > Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
>
> >
> > A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband as it can be very
> > painful for a man to try and find it. If you must mess with it, do it in
> > your own time and get your sister and/or best friend involved. To help
> > with the family budget, you should videotape yourselves while doing this
> > and then sell it at flea markets (your husband will be of great
> > assistance here). To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice
expensive
> > present, and cook him a delicious meal.
>
> >
> > Dear Cosmo:
> >
> > Q: My husband is uninterested in fore play.
>
> >
> > A: Fore play to a man is very hurtful. If you try and force him into it
> > it would only mean that you do not love your man as much as you should -
> > he'd have to work very hard and long to get you in the mood. Unless you
can
> > get your sister and/or best friend involved in this, I strongly
recommend
> > that you abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by
buying a
> > nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
> >
>
> > Dear Cosmo:
> >
> > Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
>
> >
> > A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is an unrealistic concept being
> > fostered by militant, man-hating, looney, leftwing, boiler suited
> > feminists in an attempt to destroy the family unit. Don't mention it
> > again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive
> > present....
> > and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.
> >



***********The Novaload Member Formally known As Nova91***********

[Anonymous]

>It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his
>>wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings. The
>>husband picks up the phone and before he can say
>>anything, some talking came from the other end of the
>>line and the husband says "How the heck do I know - what
>>am I, the coastguard?" and promptly slams the phone down.
>>His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
>>The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some bloke
>>who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
>>
>>
>>Q: Why did the Zebra cross the road?
>>A: He wanted to see what it felt like to be a zebra crossing.
>>
>>
>>A man walks into a chemist, whilst browsing he spots a new range of
>>condoms,
>>called "Olympic condoms" which are 3 different colours Bronze, Silver &
>>Gold. Excited he buys some and rushes home to try them with his wife.
>>"pick a colour" he says to her, she picks the silver coloured condom, when
>>he asks her why, she replies
>>"because it will make a change for you to come second"....
>>
>>
>>3 men -tom-dick + Harry were stranded on an island, when they met some
>>cannibals.
>>they were told that to not be eaten they would have to get 10 pieces of
>>fruit.
>>tom came back with 10 apples and was told that he would have to complete
>>the
>>task, and shove them up his arsehole without showing any emotion on his
>>face
>>to not be eaten.
>>on the 6th apple he grimaced, was shoved in a pot and eaten.
>>dick came back with 10 berries and was told the same. He was doing great
>>but
>>on the last berry he broke out laughing.
>>tom and dick met in heaven and tom said ' come on, it was okay for me to
>>fail I had 10 apples but you had berries, why did you crack up ?
>>dick replied -
>>'I just saw Harry coming with 10 pineapples.'


***********The Novaload Member Formally known As Nova91***********